Monday, December 3, 2007

Anxiety hanging by a thread

I had planned a whole "to do" list today. So far I've gotten one item done since 7 AM. Since Mondays are my full day off, I always feel a "need" to get a lot of stuff done. There are a few things I really have to get done today. That requires driving into town which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I just have a tendency to only want to go into when I have multiple things to do.

One thing I'd planned on doing today was dremeling the dogs' nails. I was in a good mood as opposed to yesterday, so I know I would have been more tolerable with them. Most of the time they are pretty good, but there are times when they truly hate that piece of machinery, especially Daphne. So I go to plug the dremel in, but nothing. Hmm, I thought maybe it needed to be charged, so I waited a few minutes. Again nothing. I moved it to another outlet thinking maybe it was the outlet which I know wasn't really the case but decided to humor myself. Nope, no little red light to signify it was on. Ugh! Their nails really need to be done as it's probably the one thing I neglect with them consistently. It's not on purpose, I just forget. If it doesn't work tonight, I'm going to have to buy a new one. That really wasn't what I wanted to spend some of my extra money from dog sitting on. I had planned on buying some new running shoes. It seems like one thing breaks, then just another. Within the two months, my coffee grinder broke, one of my noodle bowls broke, my cell phone got dunked in liquid and fried, several hair bands broke, and now this dremel. Maybe karma is out to get me or something with things I need.

Anyway, I sit here with this whole long laundry list of things to do, and yes that includes laundry too. If I'm right about my calculations, I really have until tomorrow too, I just hope to get the bulk of it done today. Running is on my to do list today. I did not run yesterday as it was pouring rain, and I didn't want to get my shoes wet again. Right now, I only have one pair, hence wanting to get a new pair, so it takes about a day in a half for them to dry out. Someone mentioned to me about some kind of fan or something you could get for your dryer to air shoes. Anyone know about this?

I'm contemplating the running today. The weather is a mere 28 degrees with 10mph wind. Part of me says you're nuts to go out in this weather, another part of me says, you'll feel better if you go out and run, and yet another part of me says, you ate too much this weekend mindlessly and need to go run. So which voice do I listen to? I hate when I get like this to a point. That's why I like when I'm running almost everyday, and I just don't have to think about it even if it's not that healthy. I think this is part of the reason for the anxiety which I felt this weekend. That and also irritability. I think the possible thought of having to stop running again all together is somehow causing fear once again. I didn't seem to have a problem with it a month ago, so why now? Maybe the motivation factor is up, or the sense of wanting to be on a "schedule," not have to think or feel too much.

I was talking to my dad about this hamstring injury asking him his opinion on how long it could take. He didn't give me a straight answer, just saying it all depended on the severity. Then he said, "you know don't have to run as far unless that is your goal." I just replied with I know. Part of my thinking is that it is stupid to get all bundled up to run in less than 40 degree weather and be out for only ten minutes. What's the use of that? Do I just not see the logic in that?

This is the time when I think i need to buy a treadmill, a bike, something for indoor, cold, rainy weather. Maybe that'll be on one of my future to do lists.

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