Monday, December 17, 2007

Another Monday and holiday woes

I have a lot planned for the next two days and am hoping I can get it done. I know I say that just about every week, and sometimes I'm successful, sometimes not.

It's a week before Christmas, and I dread going out to shop. The crowds, the lines, the parking, ugh, why do I wait so long to do this every year? A few gifts are not in need of rushing, and I'll probably do that online. Others, not so much. This year, I've just been so out of it in regards to the holidays. They are not my favorite and have not been for many years. Normally, the one thing I enjoy is gift wrapping, however, this year, I can't even seem to get excited about that.

Maybe it's just all hitting me this week. I had a couple of moments of break down this weekend. Just those thoughts of feeling a huge sadness, emptiness, and loneliness. Sometimes I wonder why those feelings hit harder around the holidays. I guess it's like a time of reflection--where you've been, what you've done, what you have, what you don't have, what you hope for, all those types of thoughts.

I have an appointment with my therapist today. It'll be a brief one. I'm not even sure what to say, and now question why I even made it. I guess I'm hoping that maybe I'll leave feeling straightened out or something. Don't we all wish that sometimes? That someone will say just the right proverbial thing and boom, that lightbulb goes off? Logically, knowing everything is up to me, I can only wish sometimes.

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