Friday, November 30, 2007

Today, I had my second physical therapy appointment. The first thing I did was show her a picture of the dog bite bruise. I figured you can say so much but a picture gives it more justice. After seeing it, she could tell how it definitely caused some damage.

After that, my PT asked how my hamstring was and whether I went running this week, how much, and whether I was planning to run this weekend. I was honest with her. I did scale back a little, however, the look on her face said she was disappointed. Or maybe it wasn't disappointment but rather just being unhappy with me. I told her I hoped she wasn't going to say I couldn't run. She said that she wasn't but never really finished the thought. Darn, my feelings of doing everything else right kind of went out the door. I had been very vigilant about doing all my pt exercises, stretching a lot, icing, etc. this week.

I did some exercises today and had someone do deep tissue massage. My PT asked how I felt afterwards. Nothing really changed. I felt the same, my leg still hurt, etc. All I said was I was a little sore, but I'd get a better idea after doing things. Apparently, my PT had planned to do a lot more things today but since I was so sore, she decided to just keep everything the same. My next appointment is on Tuesday and Thursday next week.

This got me thinking. I feel really conflicted. Part of me knows there is always a chance of completely tearing or rupturing the hamstring. However, another part of me still wants to run my usual amount of mileage. I've been in positions like this before. It's not easy. I usually push myself to the breaking point. I know my pain tolerance is high, so it's easy to just keep pushing ahead.

I think this is also tied into eating. Running gives me a sense of "control" in a way. I don't know if it is that when I run, it's okay for me to eat or it just feels more on schedule or what. I know I don't need to "earn" food, I deserve it, but by exercising, I just feel like I'm not thinking about it so much. I know this is all warped. I need to let go of this feeling. I'm just not sure how right now.

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