Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The other shoe dropped...

I'm pretty exhausted right now. What I will say is that the shoe did indeed drop. When I arrived here on Sunday evening, things did not look good for my dad. He had a massive brain hemorrhage. Medications and the correct protocol were done, however, bleeding only worsened overnight. The nurse practitioner showed me his digitized scans, and it was apparent. His hemorrhage had begun as a size of grapefruit and grew another few cm in 7 hours time. There was also increased swelling. At this point, he was not a candidate for surgery. And even if he did survive, he would have been left with no speech, hearing, and half side body paralyzed. We all knew he did not want to live that way.

He left this earth at approximately 2:55pm on Monday. Arrangements were quickly made for a traditional Jewish funeral as my dad was Jewish (did not practice but grew up as and believed in the faith). The funeral is tomorrow, and then I have to leave to go back where grieving and processing will resume. It will be hard as I live alone, and come Sunday, that may be rough. Sundays and Wednesdays were his "official" days to call me. We talked at other times too, but he designated those days and absolutely loved to have them. It is very sad knowing there will be no more of those calls.

I will post more later after the funeral and when I get back. I'm just extremely exhausted, but at least not numb. Sometimes, those emotions are hard to feel, but it is how we process, grieve, and heal.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

I kept thinking how I needed to update all of you on what's been happening with my life.  It's actually been a lot of exciting things.   Job wise, I started my own business.  It's actually been in existence, but I feel like it is finally getting off the ground.  I'm meeting new clients who value my time and expertise and are committed to working with their dogs.  I've led some 4-H dog obedience classes which were very successful and am helping with their Dog Show in the summer.  I've finally found a place that will allow me to hold group dog training classes, so that will be getting underway soon.  I've met some good  vets here who are referring me clients.  I've worked with some rescue groups, and they've felt I was a very "rescue friendly" trainer.  I'm also the lead person for the annual dog training conference I go to for local involvement.  Tovah has also started her therapy dog career and is officially certified.  She has done very well at all the places we have gone to - assisted living centers, nursing homes, and one of the local libraries to have kids read to her.  Tuesday, we were meeting with a social worker/volunteer to possibly work as a therapy dog for a support group who helps those who have lost loved ones.

Credit: NPS.gov
So, just as things are beginning to come together, something happens; the other shoe drops.  This evening, I had a call that my father had a massive brain hemorrhage and was unconscious.  The last I heard a few hours ago was that he had some movement on one of his sides and that a neurologist was going to look at him.  I feel awful as it is seems like he just never catches a break.  He has had many illnesses over the years - cancer twice, quintuple by-pass with major complications, chemo twice, sepsis, Diabetes, dementia, chronic kidney disease, and others I'm sure I am missing.  He's been a trooper all along, and we nicknamed him the "kudzu" man, as the kudzu plant is difficult to kill and survives easily.  However, we've all worried when his luck might run out.  

We've been told to come as this could be the end.  We've been told this before, and he has fought his way back.  I like to think this will happen again, but honestly, I am unsure.  I have slight guilt as well which is also why I feel the need to go - flying out tomorrow.  He called me this evening prior to his brain trauma.  I was out mowing so received the message when I came in.  He sounded usual with no problems and said he would call me tomorrow, his usual day.  I thought nothing of this and did not call him back.  I hope I am wrong, and our last conversation won't just be about my car but rather other things.  

It's hard when spontaneous stuff like this happens.  I get thrown into thinking of who will watch the dogs and the bunny, how much do I need to pack, etc. This would not be so bad, except I have no dog food until tomorrow.    

I'll be flying tomorrow afternoon.  I hope the news will be better when I get there.  Please send good vibes and thoughts.  Thanks!