What a great Saturday! The short version: I met an online friend nearby. We had known each other for 14 years but never met until yesterday. I briefly spoke about her here. I got a chance to meet her three kitties and hubby. We had a lovely Indian dinner, and then on a whim drove up to the International Grocery I've been wanting to go to for months Therefore, I finally got my kimchi I've been craving and various other items I normally get at Asian grocery stores.
It was fabulous meeting L. who is also 5 1/2 months pregnant. She was just as I had imagined, and I was amazed at how much she remembered about me throughout the years. It was such a good win-win situation. I think she and her hubby enjoyed my company as well. I joked with her hubby that it amazed me how outgoing he was for a chemist type guy!
We agreed in maybe a month or two that we'd get together again, and this time I would host. I hope this will be the start of a good friendship locally as I've yet to meet many people to do things with here.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Socializing times
Lately, I haven't talked much about how my socialization goals were going. At the beginning of the year, the goal was to get out and socialize more with people which also included lessening the food anxiety. Some of you might remember these socialization posts:
Friday night socialization
When you don't know what you're having for dinner
Dinner update which follows previous post
Spontaneous moment with pizza
Adventures in spontaneity
Now of course, you don't have to read all these posts, they just give an idea of where I have been on the socialization/food anxiety scale. Socialization scale low, anxiety high.
Since April, I've had at least one social get-together with various friends a month. They've mostly been outings for lunch or dinner with general visits attached. On all these occasions, I've actually had some lower anxiety while also enjoying the company. It's not that I didn't like hanging out with my friends before, but rather that there was always a glass ceiling type effect. I'd get to a certain point, but then find it difficult to shatter the glass and breakthrough to a place of real enjoyable-ness. Instead, I was still too worried over the food or their perceptions of me.
The last few social outings consisted of Thai dinner with a friend whom I had not seen in awhile and several visits with with a another friend, K. where we've had Chinese buffet and Indian food. Today, I'm having brunch with another friend whom I have not seen in awhile, and next week, possibly dinner with someone else. I'm excited about both outings and hope to be able to catch up in general conversation with them.
So slowly, I'm learning to let go of some of the anxiety. There is no longer a feeling of dread or how I'm going to look, even on those days when my body image is very poor. It's like that Nike commercial of "Just Do It."
This is not to say that I'm completely care-free over social outings with food. I'm finding a lot really depends on the company (still have issues with strangers or people I do not know well) and that it is more on my terms. But as with everything, it's all a learning process with that nice little bell curve.
Friday night socialization
When you don't know what you're having for dinner
Dinner update which follows previous post
Spontaneous moment with pizza
Adventures in spontaneity
Now of course, you don't have to read all these posts, they just give an idea of where I have been on the socialization/food anxiety scale. Socialization scale low, anxiety high.
Since April, I've had at least one social get-together with various friends a month. They've mostly been outings for lunch or dinner with general visits attached. On all these occasions, I've actually had some lower anxiety while also enjoying the company. It's not that I didn't like hanging out with my friends before, but rather that there was always a glass ceiling type effect. I'd get to a certain point, but then find it difficult to shatter the glass and breakthrough to a place of real enjoyable-ness. Instead, I was still too worried over the food or their perceptions of me.
The last few social outings consisted of Thai dinner with a friend whom I had not seen in awhile and several visits with with a another friend, K. where we've had Chinese buffet and Indian food. Today, I'm having brunch with another friend whom I have not seen in awhile, and next week, possibly dinner with someone else. I'm excited about both outings and hope to be able to catch up in general conversation with them.
So slowly, I'm learning to let go of some of the anxiety. There is no longer a feeling of dread or how I'm going to look, even on those days when my body image is very poor. It's like that Nike commercial of "Just Do It."
This is not to say that I'm completely care-free over social outings with food. I'm finding a lot really depends on the company (still have issues with strangers or people I do not know well) and that it is more on my terms. But as with everything, it's all a learning process with that nice little bell curve.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Adventures in spontaneity update
As much as I like plans and predictability in my life, after having moments like I had this weekend, I am reminded how we all need a little spontaneity. Sometimes, things turn out way better than anticipated, and if you had turned down the opportunity for [insert whatever crapola excuse], you might have regretted it.
Saturday started out with meeting K. whom I hadn't seen since last October at the dog conference and her new dog. She wanted him to meet me as well as see the kennel before his boarding. It went well overall, and we both think he will be okay for his boarding which will also include his three other housemates. K. and I also talked a lot about work, my life, etc. It's comforting to know that she tries to look out after me and wants to see me happy. My parents and friends do too of course, it's just different since she understands my situation well. We're hoping to meet again in May and have lunch or dinner.
Saturday evening I met with H. who was visiting her sister. H. and I used to carpool together for gymnastics and also attended the same middle and high school. We stayed in touch a little in college but for the most past lost contact until I found her on facebook not too long ago. When she said she was in town, I really wanted to go meet her, but there was still that nagging sense of change of routine. So Tiptoe had to do some of that 'ole positive self-talk, you know the kind they always talk about in therapy. I took a deep breath and said "let's meet at P.F. Chang's."
I got there about ten minutes before H. The restaurant was packed but the waiting time was not too bad. H. saw me first and walked over and hugged me. I honestly didn't recognize her. Her hair was shorter with a blonde streak. Her body was curvier, and she looked mega tall in those heels. Then, she said she wanted me to meet someone. Apparently, it was her French roommate, C. This I had not expected. It's not that I don't mind meeting new people, but eating in front of strange people is awkward for me.
I noticed from the get go that C. was very gregarious (I'll get to that case in point at the end). Apparently, C. also loves shoes and shopping, so we headed to a few nearby stores as we waited for our table. H. and I just talked, trying to catch up on ten years' worth of our lives.
After we got our table, we all chatted about various topics. I learned H. had lived in a variety of places, including currently Paris which is where she met C. She will be back in the states for law school this fall, however. We talked a lot about high school, our families, our experiences, etc. It really only scratched the surface, but it was enough to tell me how I'd like to keep in touch with H. better.
A few things that stood out to me was how we had both changed but stayed the same too. There is always such a difference from knowing someone in just middle and high school and then not seeing them through their college years. Many do mature through that time. I think this was the nice thing with H. It wasn't the high school H., but the young woman who has experienced, traveled, fallen in love, and just simply grew up. Sometimes I can see it better in people than myself. Sometimes I think having been mature beyond my years was a detriment, kind of like there wasn't room for that much more growth, because I was already there.
The dinner I had was great. I had a Sichuan in the sea which was a seafood combo of shrimp, scallops, and calamari. If you've ever had general tso's chicken, it was like that texture but very spicy. I wound up only eating half of it and deciding to get a box. I quickly learned from both H. and C. that you never do that in France. That made me rethink things, but then I said, "well, it's too good to leave." They both agreed as well.
The two of them decided to head to a bar/club which we found the waiter very informative for. He was actually a cute fella but very young at only 21. I kind of laughed at the places he recommended which were all the college age/scene. I decided to head home as bars and clubs are not my thing. They were cool with that. However, right before we left (and this is the part I mean where C. is very gregarious), C. insisted on taking photos in front of the big P.F. Change horse (I believe all the restaurants have one) with her camera phone. H. took one of her, then one of H. and me. Then, she asked some older random dude (kind of sketchy) what time the mall closed. He didn't know but said he wanted a photo with her. He wound up taking a photo of all three of us and C. took one of H, me, and the dude. As he drove away, he just honked and waved and was all giddy. I guess that is just NOT something I would have done. I'm sure it will be on one of their facebook pages when they get home.
So that was my adventure for the night. I was highly overstimulated from all the "social-ness", but I seemed to be okay the next day. The other reason why these events were meaningful was that early in the week I was a bit down. Several friends who live nearby, I had wanted to get together with. One, I know has issues going on but just never seems around. The other always says she is working and doesn't appear to make much of an effort. Both of these people are not great phone callers either, not that I'm a phone person either but I do like to check in every few weeks or so to see how they are doing. It did however make me rethink how I need to expand my social circle which is always a hard thing for me. Sometimes I think people who live out of state make more of an effort to get together versus those who live close by and take it for granted. Or maybe those are the people I just know. :sigh:
And lastly, I should mention that H. did not comment once about my figure. There was no "you are thinner" comments or "you have lost so much weight." Both of these are truly not true, just a weight distribution phenomena. I only mention this because in past posts I have talked about people mentioning my body size and how it aggravates me to pieces. Maybe H. did notice but she never said anything, so I'm just grateful for that.
Saturday started out with meeting K. whom I hadn't seen since last October at the dog conference and her new dog. She wanted him to meet me as well as see the kennel before his boarding. It went well overall, and we both think he will be okay for his boarding which will also include his three other housemates. K. and I also talked a lot about work, my life, etc. It's comforting to know that she tries to look out after me and wants to see me happy. My parents and friends do too of course, it's just different since she understands my situation well. We're hoping to meet again in May and have lunch or dinner.
Saturday evening I met with H. who was visiting her sister. H. and I used to carpool together for gymnastics and also attended the same middle and high school. We stayed in touch a little in college but for the most past lost contact until I found her on facebook not too long ago. When she said she was in town, I really wanted to go meet her, but there was still that nagging sense of change of routine. So Tiptoe had to do some of that 'ole positive self-talk, you know the kind they always talk about in therapy. I took a deep breath and said "let's meet at P.F. Chang's."
I got there about ten minutes before H. The restaurant was packed but the waiting time was not too bad. H. saw me first and walked over and hugged me. I honestly didn't recognize her. Her hair was shorter with a blonde streak. Her body was curvier, and she looked mega tall in those heels. Then, she said she wanted me to meet someone. Apparently, it was her French roommate, C. This I had not expected. It's not that I don't mind meeting new people, but eating in front of strange people is awkward for me.
I noticed from the get go that C. was very gregarious (I'll get to that case in point at the end). Apparently, C. also loves shoes and shopping, so we headed to a few nearby stores as we waited for our table. H. and I just talked, trying to catch up on ten years' worth of our lives.
After we got our table, we all chatted about various topics. I learned H. had lived in a variety of places, including currently Paris which is where she met C. She will be back in the states for law school this fall, however. We talked a lot about high school, our families, our experiences, etc. It really only scratched the surface, but it was enough to tell me how I'd like to keep in touch with H. better.
A few things that stood out to me was how we had both changed but stayed the same too. There is always such a difference from knowing someone in just middle and high school and then not seeing them through their college years. Many do mature through that time. I think this was the nice thing with H. It wasn't the high school H., but the young woman who has experienced, traveled, fallen in love, and just simply grew up. Sometimes I can see it better in people than myself. Sometimes I think having been mature beyond my years was a detriment, kind of like there wasn't room for that much more growth, because I was already there.
The dinner I had was great. I had a Sichuan in the sea which was a seafood combo of shrimp, scallops, and calamari. If you've ever had general tso's chicken, it was like that texture but very spicy. I wound up only eating half of it and deciding to get a box. I quickly learned from both H. and C. that you never do that in France. That made me rethink things, but then I said, "well, it's too good to leave." They both agreed as well.
The two of them decided to head to a bar/club which we found the waiter very informative for. He was actually a cute fella but very young at only 21. I kind of laughed at the places he recommended which were all the college age/scene. I decided to head home as bars and clubs are not my thing. They were cool with that. However, right before we left (and this is the part I mean where C. is very gregarious), C. insisted on taking photos in front of the big P.F. Change horse (I believe all the restaurants have one) with her camera phone. H. took one of her, then one of H. and me. Then, she asked some older random dude (kind of sketchy) what time the mall closed. He didn't know but said he wanted a photo with her. He wound up taking a photo of all three of us and C. took one of H, me, and the dude. As he drove away, he just honked and waved and was all giddy. I guess that is just NOT something I would have done. I'm sure it will be on one of their facebook pages when they get home.
So that was my adventure for the night. I was highly overstimulated from all the "social-ness", but I seemed to be okay the next day. The other reason why these events were meaningful was that early in the week I was a bit down. Several friends who live nearby, I had wanted to get together with. One, I know has issues going on but just never seems around. The other always says she is working and doesn't appear to make much of an effort. Both of these people are not great phone callers either, not that I'm a phone person either but I do like to check in every few weeks or so to see how they are doing. It did however make me rethink how I need to expand my social circle which is always a hard thing for me. Sometimes I think people who live out of state make more of an effort to get together versus those who live close by and take it for granted. Or maybe those are the people I just know. :sigh:
And lastly, I should mention that H. did not comment once about my figure. There was no "you are thinner" comments or "you have lost so much weight." Both of these are truly not true, just a weight distribution phenomena. I only mention this because in past posts I have talked about people mentioning my body size and how it aggravates me to pieces. Maybe H. did notice but she never said anything, so I'm just grateful for that.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Friends on facebook
Many of us have a profile on facebook, including me. I'm not quite as active as some people are, but I do try to update my status and keep up to date on what is going on in my friends' lives. A few of them have really gotten into facebook, and I've found it's the only way to keep in touch with them anymore since their e-mail accounts seem to be non-existent.
But what I'm really curious about is how do you choose who is your "friend" on facebook? Everyone's definition of "friend" is different, and I would presume on facebook, it may not be as conventional since it is a social networking site.
For me, when someone adds me as their friend, there has to be some personal connection with them. I've never denied anyone who has asked me, since it is usually someone who I know well, went to high school with, grew up with, etc. Though even with my college, high school/childhood classmates, I am often interested in who chooses whom to be their "friends." On a few occasions, I found someone who I went to elementary school with, and e-mailed them first. Some included me as their "friend," others did not.
So herein lies my dilemma. And it is probably incredibly corny and juvenile. Yesterday, this guy from high school added me as his "friend." I was quite surprised to see this, despite the fact that we have several mutual friends. This was a guy who I dated in my early years of high school. We went to a winter dance together and was supposed to go to prom together, but he wound up going with someone else. That really upset me, especially since everyone kept saying he was going to ask me. I went to prom alone that year, but that's okay, because I was on prom committee, so I handled the decorations and all.
Eventually, I got over being dumped and actually decided I did not like the guy anymore. It wasn't, because he dumped me but more that he had changed. In his junior year, he ran for student government and became elected president. He was no longer the charming, sweet, sensitive guy I knew, but rather turned into just "one of the crowd," finally gaining his acceptance into popularity. He went from being drama boy to student elected government president. It seriously changed him, and we never connected again.
I guess my dilemma is whether to add him as my friend even though I guess I could say I'm holding a small grudge. I don't have any interest in him in terms of "boyfriend" or playing out the "would have" scenario, but I do hold a little curiosity in what was going through his head at that time. Besides, even if I was interested in him, I found out he recently came out of the closet. This reminds me, another crush I had in elementary school, apparently is also gay now too. I guess I'm 0 for 2 in the department of childhood crushes.
If you're interested, here are several samplings of studies/articles about facebook:
Facebook friends=poor adjustment
Facebook benefits extroverts most
Want to win friends and influence people? Use facebook and IMs
Number of friends on Facebook and Narcissism
But what I'm really curious about is how do you choose who is your "friend" on facebook? Everyone's definition of "friend" is different, and I would presume on facebook, it may not be as conventional since it is a social networking site.
For me, when someone adds me as their friend, there has to be some personal connection with them. I've never denied anyone who has asked me, since it is usually someone who I know well, went to high school with, grew up with, etc. Though even with my college, high school/childhood classmates, I am often interested in who chooses whom to be their "friends." On a few occasions, I found someone who I went to elementary school with, and e-mailed them first. Some included me as their "friend," others did not.
So herein lies my dilemma. And it is probably incredibly corny and juvenile. Yesterday, this guy from high school added me as his "friend." I was quite surprised to see this, despite the fact that we have several mutual friends. This was a guy who I dated in my early years of high school. We went to a winter dance together and was supposed to go to prom together, but he wound up going with someone else. That really upset me, especially since everyone kept saying he was going to ask me. I went to prom alone that year, but that's okay, because I was on prom committee, so I handled the decorations and all.
Eventually, I got over being dumped and actually decided I did not like the guy anymore. It wasn't, because he dumped me but more that he had changed. In his junior year, he ran for student government and became elected president. He was no longer the charming, sweet, sensitive guy I knew, but rather turned into just "one of the crowd," finally gaining his acceptance into popularity. He went from being drama boy to student elected government president. It seriously changed him, and we never connected again.
I guess my dilemma is whether to add him as my friend even though I guess I could say I'm holding a small grudge. I don't have any interest in him in terms of "boyfriend" or playing out the "would have" scenario, but I do hold a little curiosity in what was going through his head at that time. Besides, even if I was interested in him, I found out he recently came out of the closet. This reminds me, another crush I had in elementary school, apparently is also gay now too. I guess I'm 0 for 2 in the department of childhood crushes.
If you're interested, here are several samplings of studies/articles about facebook:
Facebook friends=poor adjustment
Facebook benefits extroverts most
Want to win friends and influence people? Use facebook and IMs
Number of friends on Facebook and Narcissism
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