Sunday, November 16, 2008

When you don't know what you're having for dinner...

Last week, I mentioned the success in my Friday socialization update. Okay, this was a good moment. So then this past Monday, I got thrown for a loop. Let me back up a minute and give a brief background. I met with S., had lunch, chatted, etc. I recommended that her puppies enter puppy obedience classes since this would be a good age for both socialization and learning basic manners. Since she missed orientation and said she would be out of town this past week, I offered to catch her up to where the class would be if she decided to do them. S. said she would let me know after the weekend. Honestly, I did not think she would take me up on this offer.

Monday rolled around, and the day didn't start off great, sleeping away half of the day which is very uncharacteristic of me. Then, my exercise routine was way off, and I just wasn't feeling very gung ho to do anything for the rest of the day. Then, I received an e-mail from S. wanting to know if I could still come over that evening. I had to stop and think about this, gauging my sort of irritable mood and not so hot physical appearance, but I obliged since I had made the offer previously.

She sent me directions to her house which I should also note I drove in the dark with no known idea where I was going! If you remember from my mazeophobia post, you'll understand why this was significant. I made it to her house with mo wrong turns, met S.'s husband who is extremely tall at way over 6'0, met her two puppies and immediately began working with them. As I worked with them, I explained dog behavior, the clicker, how the clicker works, why the clicker works, what we wanted the dogs to do, etc. and then I eventually handed it over to them to try.

We finished all this in about an hour in a half, and I suggested I would come back this week since they were going to be out of town on class night. Both agreed to this, and then S. was like, "we should make you dinner." Gulp. When I had arrived at the house, her first question to me was whether I had dinner. Okay, I lied, but really I wasn't hungry nor wanted anything. She seemd a bit disappointed and kept trying to offer me things--beverages, dried fruit, etc. I declined the offers, already feeling hot from embarrassment or something.

I honestly didn't know what to say. I bashfully agreed and then headed home wondering what the hell was I thinking? Sure, I've had family make me stuff before and even some good friends but that seems different. I've known S. for about a year, but it was first on a business level of me being her client in physical therapy and then evolved into a friendship of sorts. But still, I don't know her well yet.

About mid-week, I e-mailed S. to ask how things were going and reconfirm our Mon. session. She e-mailed back saying things were going okay and reiterated that they were making me dinner. I figured if they were going to do this, then it would at least be fair to tell them I was vegetarian but ate fish and hated cheese.

Monday evening should be interesting. I don't want to look like an ass and ask what they are preparing. That just seems impolite but I am a bit concerned too. I know this is similar to going into a restaurant and not knowing what you're going to have, but at least there, you have a menu as a guide. Here, I just feel like I have nothing to go by. However, at the same time, I don't want to disappoint them either.

I guess I'm really hoping they decide to stick to "safe" stuff--fish, maybe a vegetable or two, maybe rice, something like that? S. is a runner, and I think eats healthfully. I'm not sure about her husband, but he was wearing a half-marathon long sleeve shirt the night I met him. Maybe that counts for something, though I hate to make preconceived notions.

I'll post an update how everything goes. Though I know this is a bit anxiety provoking, I'm also reminding myself that these spontaneous events of uncertainty can be a good thing. Besides, it'll be good to report some positives in therapy the next day after three weeks of what feels like just binge-like eating behavior, but that's a post for another day.


Gaining Back My Life said...

This was a very raw and open post. I could definately feel the tug of war going on inside your mind - wanting to take risks yet experiencing the profound anxiety of those acts.

I hope and pray they are sensitive enough to key in on what to prepare when inviting someone new over for a meal. You never know, you may have mentioned something to her in the past referencing that you are a vegetarian?

In either case, it is great that you are moving forward with it, despite all of the unknowns. That in itself, is a big slap in the face to fear. I am looking forward to hearing about your adventure!

Much love,

Cammy said...

Kudos to you for being willing to put yourself out there and do this, even though I know it is nerve-wracking. Remember that it is just one night, try to remind yourself that it is better to have memories of going out and being with people than regrets from all the times you canceled and stayed home instead. Don't feel like you are "disappointing them" in any way no matter what happens, either. Remember that the goal for this kind of thing is NOT to put your eating habits under the microscope (even though I know it may feel that way!) but to socialize and get to know people better, because people are what matter in the end, despite what the ED tells you.
I'm dealing with a very similar situation this week that I was planning to post about soon, we can channel positive energy back and forth, lol.
Hang in there and take care.

Tiptoe said...

E., thanks for the support. Uncertainty can be difficult, but I'm hoping to brush those thoughts aside. It's like making fear stop itself in its own tracks.

Cammy, yes, I'll be rerouting positive vibes to you too this week on your similar outing.

You are right that it is important to remind myself the value of the event versus the food. I mean I do enjoy getting to know people, so I need to keep that thinking.