Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Over the weekend, I was thinking how bored I was with food. It probably doesn't help that I mostly eat the same thing day in and day out and have for practically the last eight or more years. I like to convince myself I'm eating more variety, but is it really justified when it is only a different brand of protein bar? Or I'll convince myself that I'm eating a spectrum of vegetables, so this must count for something right? After all, we're told we should eat the colors of the rainbow when it comes to fruits and vegetables. Is this really progress?

I think so much still has to do with "safety." For me, safe items are salads and crackers. I know in general, over the last several years I have made progress in terms of what I'm eating. I've added soy milk, nuts, supplements, more nutrient dense foods, etc, however, I feel kind of stuck in making myself eat more different things. For example, I went to the grocery thinking I was going to try some new foods or buy products for a certain recipe, but I found myself still gravitating towards the produce section.

I know part of this thinking is that I want to eat something I can prepare quickly and without much thought, so a typical salad with some form of protein is easy to do. I don't know how to get pass this. When I do try to buy foods that are not on my "foods to eat" list, I either don't touch it or I eat it, like it, feel guilty for eating so much of it, and want to dispose of it. It's like being there just feels like temptation that I would rather not have. Then I just feel even more guilty for having wasted all that money. It's a vicious cycle.

I guess I'm beginning to question how I measure progress. Maybe I'm too hard on myself, maybe I'm not trying enough, maybe I just don't know how to really define it? It seems like it should be an easy answer, so why do I have such difficulty with it?


Rachel said...

Remember, progress is relative to the individual. Some people, like me, are just slow learners. The fact that you are at least aware of your issues around food is a positive sign.

I would make a goal to start slow. Incorporate one new food a week or month into your diet. It won't seem as overwhelming and will allow you to expand your diet at a pace that doesn't feel triggering.

Anonymous said...

i understand the dilema. if i don't have the safe foods i get panicky. one time my mom bought me some foods that weren't safe and i destroyed them.

i really don't know what to say. i guess if you are bored then it is a good idea to start trying something new. but i don't know how to give yourself permission so you don't feel guilty. sticky situation...i know you can figure it out.

i know for me it is so hard to see food as an essential nutrient for the body. maybe remind yourself that you run and work hard, food is needed for fuel and if you find one thing you like you have earned it.

Tiptoe said...

Rachel, thanks for the reminder. I tend to forget that everyone's recovery is subjective. I'll have to try going back to incorporating one item/week/month and writing down some goals.

Anon, you're right about seeing food as fuel. For a while, that was working well until I felt my weight creep up. I just need to keep reminding myself of this.