I'm now back from my trip, glad to be back in my own bed, and see my wonderful dogs again.
Here are some thoughts:
I do get overwhelmed at a large crowd, even if they are supposed to be family members. I find I can put on the happy face, feeling like I know these people, but really I do not.
I get uncomfortable in situations of a constant flow of alcohol. Every night, there was basically a "happy hour" which isn't my thing since I am not a big drinker other than liking some fru-fru drinks like daiquiris, fuzzy navels, etc.
I get bored with unstructured activities.
I am not really that much of a beach person, especially when it is atrociously hot and humid. When I was younger, I really did love the beach. However, I did notice I could withstand the temperatures better than other people.
GPS devices make me feel more confident about driving. If some of you remember, I suffer from a bit of mazeophobia.
I'm still wondering what kind of relationship my step-sister wants with me if any. That was a little bit of a letdown as I had hoped for some "bonding" experience. It's understandable since her cousins and relatives were there, and she was afraid of missing out anything.
I'm wondering if weight and body image issues will ever cease. I think it is wishful thinking at this point.
My sleeping habits do not change much when I am away.
Fresh seafood is much better than frozen.
Whoever thinks that having an AC on 62 or 68 degrees is really warm is absolutely nuts. Yes, the condo was at these temperatures which pretty much meant I was in jeans, sweatshirts, and blankets the entire time I was in the condo.
My highlight of the trip was honestly visiting with Cammy and G.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Jackson's death can shed light on society's problems
I think someone would have to be living in a cave if you had not heard about the recent death of Michael Jackson. I did not hear about the news until late in the evening as I was driving back to Pensacola after meeting Cammy. Btw, Cammy is just as brilliant in person as she comes across in her blog. :-)
Although Jackson's death was an utter shock to me, I really wasn't sure how to react. This piece in the Washington Post says it well. I was never a follower of Jackson, finding him a bit odd, but I did appreciate his music and talent. Reading the history of Jackson now places the pieces together of his actions and behaviors (though I do not excuse his own share of responsibility for his actions nor think he always made the best judgment), and in some ways angers me too.
I know bloggers, news outlets, and the world in general are discussing Jackson's death ad nauseam, but to me Jackson's death isn't just about a Hollywood megastar who rose to the pinnacle of stardom and fell to the bottom. It's about the issues of society. Although various theories have been thrown around as to the popstar's cause of death, everything is in a speculative stage. One big speculation is prescription drug abuse. Though preliminary autopsy reports have shown no external, visible cause of death, the toxicology results have not come in yet. Some have said that he was taking a cocktail of 8 different medications, including painkillers, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, a muscle relaxer, and an antibiotic. These have not been verified, so it will be interesting to see what if anything shows up.
If this is the case, one would wonder what on earth kind of doctor would even prescribe so many potent medications. The truth is probably more than we think, and especially in Hollywood where the number is likely disproportionately high. Even without doctors, people find ways of obtaining prescription drugs. These people can easily become enablers if the habit continues. This could well be the case for Jackson if this prescription drug scenario plays out in toxicology reports.
Another speculation is Jackson's physical health. Headlines ask if he had an eating disorder or if rigorous exercise and stress played a role in his untimely death. There is no doubt that Jackson was on the thin side, especially the last few years, dealing with the child molestation charges. In this article, Jackson said he knew he was thin and needed to put on weight, especially if he wanted to do the 50 shows he was slated to do in London this July. If this is the case, it sheds more light onto males with eating disorders, an increasing trend lately.
Other issues that I think his unfortunate death bring up are child abuse and its repercussions and the plague of Tinseltown. Studies have recently shown that those who suffer from child abuse have an alteration in a specific gene responsible for stress responses in the brain. It is known that Jackson and his brothers suffered from child abuse for many years by their father. I often wonder if Jackson ever received any treatment at all for this, and if that might have helped him assuage some of his eccentric behaviors, paranoias, and fears. According to Lisa Marie Presley, she wrote in her blog here how she tried to "save" him from what Jackson considered his inevitable death, dying similarly as her fathe Elvis did.
Lastly, Hollywood. Most of us know of its perils. Everything from underage partying to abuse to eating disorders to plastic surgery to enablers and money-grubbing people. (Reminds me quite a bit of the modeling industry as well) Many of the stars living there may look glamorous outwardly, but inwardly, they are sad, lonely people, desperately seeking approval in some form or another. This fit Michael Jackson well. And really, whether it is Hollywood or not, everyday, we see people like this. It's just that with Hollywood stars, it places a known face to the predicament we all struggle with.
As with any high profile case like this, it will take awhile before a conclusive answer is determined if any. In the meantime, I hope these issues are addressed more as a general society. These issues are all growing problems everywhere, not just in a small spectrum of Hollywood.
I hope Michael rests in peace, free of his demons. He was an icon with a tremendous amount of talent. I hope he will be remembered for this and not the "wacko jacko" persona which tabloids loved to exploit. As with so many things, it's sad that it is in death, we realize the impact an individual can have, whether it is simply family or an industry.
Note--*In other sad news, Farrah Fawcett passed away. Though hers was expected, it is still sad. I hope she is remembered as an "actress," and not just a pin-up girl of the 70s with great hair.
*Billy Mays, the sales pitch guy for any product, also died yesterday. His death is not yet determined.
Although Jackson's death was an utter shock to me, I really wasn't sure how to react. This piece in the Washington Post says it well. I was never a follower of Jackson, finding him a bit odd, but I did appreciate his music and talent. Reading the history of Jackson now places the pieces together of his actions and behaviors (though I do not excuse his own share of responsibility for his actions nor think he always made the best judgment), and in some ways angers me too.
I know bloggers, news outlets, and the world in general are discussing Jackson's death ad nauseam, but to me Jackson's death isn't just about a Hollywood megastar who rose to the pinnacle of stardom and fell to the bottom. It's about the issues of society. Although various theories have been thrown around as to the popstar's cause of death, everything is in a speculative stage. One big speculation is prescription drug abuse. Though preliminary autopsy reports have shown no external, visible cause of death, the toxicology results have not come in yet. Some have said that he was taking a cocktail of 8 different medications, including painkillers, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, a muscle relaxer, and an antibiotic. These have not been verified, so it will be interesting to see what if anything shows up.
If this is the case, one would wonder what on earth kind of doctor would even prescribe so many potent medications. The truth is probably more than we think, and especially in Hollywood where the number is likely disproportionately high. Even without doctors, people find ways of obtaining prescription drugs. These people can easily become enablers if the habit continues. This could well be the case for Jackson if this prescription drug scenario plays out in toxicology reports.
Another speculation is Jackson's physical health. Headlines ask if he had an eating disorder or if rigorous exercise and stress played a role in his untimely death. There is no doubt that Jackson was on the thin side, especially the last few years, dealing with the child molestation charges. In this article, Jackson said he knew he was thin and needed to put on weight, especially if he wanted to do the 50 shows he was slated to do in London this July. If this is the case, it sheds more light onto males with eating disorders, an increasing trend lately.
Other issues that I think his unfortunate death bring up are child abuse and its repercussions and the plague of Tinseltown. Studies have recently shown that those who suffer from child abuse have an alteration in a specific gene responsible for stress responses in the brain. It is known that Jackson and his brothers suffered from child abuse for many years by their father. I often wonder if Jackson ever received any treatment at all for this, and if that might have helped him assuage some of his eccentric behaviors, paranoias, and fears. According to Lisa Marie Presley, she wrote in her blog here how she tried to "save" him from what Jackson considered his inevitable death, dying similarly as her fathe Elvis did.
Lastly, Hollywood. Most of us know of its perils. Everything from underage partying to abuse to eating disorders to plastic surgery to enablers and money-grubbing people. (Reminds me quite a bit of the modeling industry as well) Many of the stars living there may look glamorous outwardly, but inwardly, they are sad, lonely people, desperately seeking approval in some form or another. This fit Michael Jackson well. And really, whether it is Hollywood or not, everyday, we see people like this. It's just that with Hollywood stars, it places a known face to the predicament we all struggle with.
As with any high profile case like this, it will take awhile before a conclusive answer is determined if any. In the meantime, I hope these issues are addressed more as a general society. These issues are all growing problems everywhere, not just in a small spectrum of Hollywood.
I hope Michael rests in peace, free of his demons. He was an icon with a tremendous amount of talent. I hope he will be remembered for this and not the "wacko jacko" persona which tabloids loved to exploit. As with so many things, it's sad that it is in death, we realize the impact an individual can have, whether it is simply family or an industry.
Note--*In other sad news, Farrah Fawcett passed away. Though hers was expected, it is still sad. I hope she is remembered as an "actress," and not just a pin-up girl of the 70s with great hair.
*Billy Mays, the sales pitch guy for any product, also died yesterday. His death is not yet determined.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Hello from sunny Pensacola!
I just wanted to write a quick note from here. It's going okay so far. My schedule has changed slightly, so I'm actually coming back a day earlier than planned.
It's been an interesting few days. Monday night, I met the "family" on my mother's husband's side. There are quite a few of them here. I counted something like 35 adults and kids. Just trying to remember who they all are, what kids belong to whom, etc. is a lot. It is a bit overwhelming since I'm not an incredibly social person. But I'm trying to be "social" out of my comfort environment, including food events.
One thing for sure is that when I get home, 80-degree weather is going to feel like a cool wave since the temps here have been mid-90s-over 100s degrees. A definite new respect for people who live in this type of weather often. I'm surprised to even have seen as many runners and bicyclists on the road that I have.
Anyway. just wanted to do a quick post. Hope everyone is having a good week.
It's been an interesting few days. Monday night, I met the "family" on my mother's husband's side. There are quite a few of them here. I counted something like 35 adults and kids. Just trying to remember who they all are, what kids belong to whom, etc. is a lot. It is a bit overwhelming since I'm not an incredibly social person. But I'm trying to be "social" out of my comfort environment, including food events.
One thing for sure is that when I get home, 80-degree weather is going to feel like a cool wave since the temps here have been mid-90s-over 100s degrees. A definite new respect for people who live in this type of weather often. I'm surprised to even have seen as many runners and bicyclists on the road that I have.
Anyway. just wanted to do a quick post. Hope everyone is having a good week.
Monday, June 22, 2009
If Hollywood existed in just a pair of sunglasses
Well, procrastinator me has gotten most of the stuff done for my trip on Monday. Just have to pack and tie up loose ends. I finished all the dogs' stuff which is a boat load of belongings with four dogs--food, supplements, separate beds, treats, and toys. Seriously, it's like they are moving in. I'm going to have to take them two by two since my car will not fit all four, however, I'm apparently getting a bigger car very soon that will be able to hold all four on trips. Yeah!
So anyway, I'll have my computer with me. Hopefully, I can find an easy wireless connection and can do a few posts. But if not, I'll be back in a week. And if you follow me on twitter, I'll be twittering away when I can.
Since it is officially now summer, I wanted to leave everyone with some fun photos. I took these a few days ago with an old pair of doggie sunglasses I had kept.
Even though we can't bring Hollywood to the dogs (or even to us, not that we would necessarily want to anyway), the dogs can pretend they are all Hollywood-esque and stars! Of course, they are already stars in my book anyhow!
Daphne is feeling the groove in these shades.
Tovah is chillin' here. The crooked shades add some character.
I think Hank is pretending to be Stevie Wonder. Now, he just needs to add the head circling.
Baxter knows he can get all the ladies with these sunglasses. He even provides a close-up.
Baxter says it is tiring being a star.
Note--*Dogs are never tortured during any of these photo sessions, though they can appear that way at times.
*I apologize for being so negligent on blog reading/commenting/posting. Hopefully, I'll keep up better when I get back and have some more interesting posts.
So anyway, I'll have my computer with me. Hopefully, I can find an easy wireless connection and can do a few posts. But if not, I'll be back in a week. And if you follow me on twitter, I'll be twittering away when I can.
Since it is officially now summer, I wanted to leave everyone with some fun photos. I took these a few days ago with an old pair of doggie sunglasses I had kept.
Even though we can't bring Hollywood to the dogs (or even to us, not that we would necessarily want to anyway), the dogs can pretend they are all Hollywood-esque and stars! Of course, they are already stars in my book anyhow!
Daphne is feeling the groove in these shades.
Tovah is chillin' here. The crooked shades add some character.
I think Hank is pretending to be Stevie Wonder. Now, he just needs to add the head circling.
Baxter knows he can get all the ladies with these sunglasses. He even provides a close-up.
Baxter says it is tiring being a star.
Note--*Dogs are never tortured during any of these photo sessions, though they can appear that way at times.
*I apologize for being so negligent on blog reading/commenting/posting. Hopefully, I'll keep up better when I get back and have some more interesting posts.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
The medallion
As I mentioned a few posts ago in the representation and power of objects, this is the medallion, a beautiful silver dollar. It seems generic, but as with anything, it all depends on the meaning. For now, I'm keeping it closed, put away until I can think about it some more. It's kind of sad how I place too much emphasis on this one object--a piece of metal.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Happy Belated Birthday Hank!
Happy Belated Birthday Hank! His birthday was actually on Monday, though for whatever reason, I kept thinking Tuesday. In any case, better late than never.
Sometimes, I think Hank gets neglected on this blog, so I want to make sure he has his moment to shine. I wrote about his story last year here. He is still my "ball" dog. He's always up for a game of fetch, although Tovah gives him a run for his money. Hank is also my "bone" teaching dog, letting puppies know they have not earned any puppy passes, so that bone is his.
Of all my dogs, Hank would sum up his life as eat, sleep, chew bone, play fetch. The older he gets, the more I appreciate what a simple life he has and lives. It aspires me to one day reach that type of simplicity minus the bone chewing and fetching. ;-)
Sometimes, I think Hank gets neglected on this blog, so I want to make sure he has his moment to shine. I wrote about his story last year here. He is still my "ball" dog. He's always up for a game of fetch, although Tovah gives him a run for his money. Hank is also my "bone" teaching dog, letting puppies know they have not earned any puppy passes, so that bone is his.
Of all my dogs, Hank would sum up his life as eat, sleep, chew bone, play fetch. The older he gets, the more I appreciate what a simple life he has and lives. It aspires me to one day reach that type of simplicity minus the bone chewing and fetching. ;-)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Once again, procrastination taking its toll
I leave for my trip next Monday, but once again, I'm in procrastination mode. Despite having gotten a lot done yesterday, I still have a ton more to do. I write an exuberant amount of lists, telling myself I'm going to get this, this, and this done, but when push comes to shove, I sit and read articles online, always afraid of missing the latest, current breakthrough, play mah jong on my blackberry, play farmtown on facebook (yes, it's the one application I'm addicted to on there), and continuously worry and make up scenarios in my head of what will happen next week, etc.
Basically, I'm doing everything BUT the things I really need to get done. I seem to continue to think that I must have all my laundry done, the house clean, my dogs' nails dremeled, and my yards (there are three large areas) nice and neatly trimmed (kind of hard with the consistent pouring of rain we've had lately). Really, most of these are things that can be put off for the moment, but my mind seems to feel these mundane tasks MUST be done.
It seems my procrastination voice is similar to my ED voice in that when I'm not getting the things that I know I should get done, I berate myself for not getting them done. It's such a vicious, petty cycle.
Other factors that may be playing into my worries include:
Baxter's diarrhea since last Wed. It is getting better, but I worry it will come back next week. I debate on whether to actually go to the vet since I really don't think it really justifies a vet visit, just some "in case" medication.
My mother's un-helpfulness. I keep asking her if events are planned. She just says not really and that everyone does their own thing except at night when people get together. Obviously, I feel I need "structure." That, and I've been trying to figure out plans of getting together with people. I had forgotten I actually do know a lot of people in Florida. They're unfortunately, on the other side of the state, so it is doubtful I'll get to visit.
Major body woes. I think over the last month or so, I've gotten extremely fatter. I know, it's just my distorted thinking, but it's how I'm feeling at the moment. This just causes huge anxiety not only with my body but over food as well. Other times, when I'm feeling "okay," this is not as bothersome.
And lastly, I'm trying to figure out just where I have gotten all these mysterious bites. It seems I'll be taking my jar of bag balm with me. (Just a note, I've found bag balm incredibly effective for anti-itching. Slightly greasy but worth it in my opinion)
Okay, end of vent.
Note--*By the way, procrastination is not new to me. I've written about it here and here. I guess I'm at least consistent. :-/
Basically, I'm doing everything BUT the things I really need to get done. I seem to continue to think that I must have all my laundry done, the house clean, my dogs' nails dremeled, and my yards (there are three large areas) nice and neatly trimmed (kind of hard with the consistent pouring of rain we've had lately). Really, most of these are things that can be put off for the moment, but my mind seems to feel these mundane tasks MUST be done.
It seems my procrastination voice is similar to my ED voice in that when I'm not getting the things that I know I should get done, I berate myself for not getting them done. It's such a vicious, petty cycle.
Other factors that may be playing into my worries include:
Baxter's diarrhea since last Wed. It is getting better, but I worry it will come back next week. I debate on whether to actually go to the vet since I really don't think it really justifies a vet visit, just some "in case" medication.
My mother's un-helpfulness. I keep asking her if events are planned. She just says not really and that everyone does their own thing except at night when people get together. Obviously, I feel I need "structure." That, and I've been trying to figure out plans of getting together with people. I had forgotten I actually do know a lot of people in Florida. They're unfortunately, on the other side of the state, so it is doubtful I'll get to visit.
Major body woes. I think over the last month or so, I've gotten extremely fatter. I know, it's just my distorted thinking, but it's how I'm feeling at the moment. This just causes huge anxiety not only with my body but over food as well. Other times, when I'm feeling "okay," this is not as bothersome.
And lastly, I'm trying to figure out just where I have gotten all these mysterious bites. It seems I'll be taking my jar of bag balm with me. (Just a note, I've found bag balm incredibly effective for anti-itching. Slightly greasy but worth it in my opinion)
Okay, end of vent.
Note--*By the way, procrastination is not new to me. I've written about it here and here. I guess I'm at least consistent. :-/
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