I leave for my trip next Monday, but once again, I'm in procrastination mode. Despite having gotten a lot done yesterday, I still have a ton more to do. I write an exuberant amount of lists, telling myself I'm going to get this, this, and this done, but when push comes to shove, I sit and read articles online, always afraid of missing the latest, current breakthrough, play mah jong on my blackberry, play farmtown on facebook (yes, it's the one application I'm addicted to on there), and continuously worry and make up scenarios in my head of what will happen next week, etc.
Basically, I'm doing everything BUT the things I really need to get done. I seem to continue to think that I must have all my laundry done, the house clean, my dogs' nails dremeled, and my yards (there are three large areas) nice and neatly trimmed (kind of hard with the consistent pouring of rain we've had lately). Really, most of these are things that can be put off for the moment, but my mind seems to feel these mundane tasks MUST be done.
It seems my procrastination voice is similar to my ED voice in that when I'm not getting the things that I know I should get done, I berate myself for not getting them done. It's such a vicious, petty cycle.
Other factors that may be playing into my worries include:
Baxter's diarrhea since last Wed. It is getting better, but I worry it will come back next week. I debate on whether to actually go to the vet since I really don't think it really justifies a vet visit, just some "in case" medication.
My mother's un-helpfulness. I keep asking her if events are planned. She just says not really and that everyone does their own thing except at night when people get together. Obviously, I feel I need "structure." That, and I've been trying to figure out plans of getting together with people. I had forgotten I actually do know a lot of people in Florida. They're unfortunately, on the other side of the state, so it is doubtful I'll get to visit.
Major body woes. I think over the last month or so, I've gotten extremely fatter. I know, it's just my distorted thinking, but it's how I'm feeling at the moment. This just causes huge anxiety not only with my body but over food as well. Other times, when I'm feeling "okay," this is not as bothersome.
And lastly, I'm trying to figure out just where I have gotten all these mysterious bites. It seems I'll be taking my jar of bag balm with me. (Just a note, I've found bag balm incredibly effective for anti-itching. Slightly greasy but worth it in my opinion)
Okay, end of vent.
Note--*By the way, procrastination is not new to me. I've written about it here and here. I guess I'm at least consistent. :-/