Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Once again, procrastination taking its toll

I leave for my trip next Monday, but once again, I'm in procrastination mode. Despite having gotten a lot done yesterday, I still have a ton more to do. I write an exuberant amount of lists, telling myself I'm going to get this, this, and this done, but when push comes to shove, I sit and read articles online, always afraid of missing the latest, current breakthrough, play mah jong on my blackberry, play farmtown on facebook (yes, it's the one application I'm addicted to on there), and continuously worry and make up scenarios in my head of what will happen next week, etc.

Basically, I'm doing everything BUT the things I really need to get done. I seem to continue to think that I must have all my laundry done, the house clean, my dogs' nails dremeled, and my yards (there are three large areas) nice and neatly trimmed (kind of hard with the consistent pouring of rain we've had lately). Really, most of these are things that can be put off for the moment, but my mind seems to feel these mundane tasks MUST be done.

It seems my procrastination voice is similar to my ED voice in that when I'm not getting the things that I know I
should get done, I berate myself for not getting them done. It's such a vicious, petty cycle.

Other factors that may be playing into my worries include:

Baxter's diarrhea since last Wed. It is getting better, but I worry it will come back next week. I debate on whether to actually go to the vet since I really don't think it really justifies a vet visit, just some "in case" medication.

My mother's un-helpfulness. I keep asking her if events are planned. She just says not really and that everyone does their own thing except at night when people get together. Obviously, I feel I need "structure." That, and I've been trying to figure out plans of getting together with people. I had forgotten I actually do know a lot of people in Florida. They're unfortunately, on the other side of the state, so it is doubtful I'll get to visit.

Major body woes. I think over the last month or so, I've gotten extremely fatter. I know, it's just my distorted thinking, but it's how I'm feeling at the moment. This just causes huge anxiety not only with my body but over food as well. Other times, when I'm feeling "okay," this is not as bothersome.

And lastly, I'm trying to figure out just where I have gotten all these mysterious bites. It seems I'll be taking my jar of bag balm with me. (Just a note, I've found
bag balm incredibly effective for anti-itching. Slightly greasy but worth it in my opinion)

Okay, end of vent.

Note--*By the way, procrastination is not new to me. I've written about it here and here. I guess I'm at least consistent. :-/

7 comments:

Cammy said...

Oh, I hope Baxter feels better soon. It did take antibiotics to get G. over it, as much as I try to avoid overmedicating my pets...but maybe Baxter's will clear up soon? Other dogs are ok?

And ten days until I am privileged with a Tiptoe visit, woot woot woot!!! =D

Kim said...

Sometimes I think venting like this is SO essential. You have every right to vent. I would be anxious too!! I hope your doggie is ok!!

Sarah said...

I am so with you on the procrastination. I am really good at it, which is weird because I know I am an efficient and intelligent person. I find that I procrastinate more when I'm not interested in the job/topic or when I feel like I haven't had any time to myself to just relax. Sometimes, I can "work" on a project (aka procrastinate) for 2 days, then once I take a coffee break w/ a friend or allow myself to watch a movie, I am all of a sudden extremely efficient. It's like my brain knew it needed the break.

Also, I am going to a family reunion tomorrow (it's only for 4 days and 2 of them are travel days, but I am WIGGING OUT.) Family reunions are awkward enough without food issues.

(verification code: damet. That's how I feel about having to go to a family reunion! haha)

Sarah said...

BTW, where are you going in Florida? :)

Tiptoe said...

Cammy, yes, Baxter is getting better. Already talked to you about vet visit. Argh!

Other dogs are okay, normal as ever.

Kim, yes, anxiety high but nice, slow breaths eh?

Sarah, I agree with you about the procrastination. It's definitely easier when you're not as interested and worried.

Good luck at your family reunion. Try to remember it is the company that counts, not the food.

As for which part of Florida, I'll be in Pensacola. I've never been there, so that should be an adventure it and of itself.

Kristina said...

Just want to share that I, too, am going to visit my family tomorrow, and of course I have spent ZERO time thinking about it, which is almost more problematic because suddenly all the anxiety and worries sneak up on me all at once and I freak out.
And I have done nothing to prepare, except to buy cheese for my dad for father's day.
So, I wish you well, and I hope that YOU can make the experience work for yourself - that you can get some 'Tiptoe' time, if you need, eat a meal that makes you feel comfortable, go for a walk by yourself, etcetera...
And I'm glad that Baxter is better!

Tiptoe said...

Kristina, family reunions/visiting family must be in the air. I hope you too are able to find time for yourself while visiting your family. It can be so stressful but remember it is only temporary.

I have found out that another family member is apparently looking for a running buddy. This is good except for the fact that I haven't actually "run" in like 6 weeks. So should be interesting.