Monday, June 29, 2009

Post-Florida thoughts

I'm now back from my trip, glad to be back in my own bed, and see my wonderful dogs again.

Here are some thoughts:

I do get overwhelmed at a large crowd, even if they are supposed to be family members. I find I can put on the happy face, feeling like I know these people, but really I do not.

I get uncomfortable in situations of a constant flow of alcohol. Every night, there was basically a "happy hour" which isn't my thing since I am not a big drinker other than liking some
fru-fru drinks like daiquiris, fuzzy navels, etc.

I get bored with unstructured activities.

I am not really that much of a beach person, especially when it is atrociously hot and humid. When I was younger, I really did love the beach. However, I did notice I could withstand the temperatures better than other people.

GPS devices make me feel more confident about driving. If some of you remember, I suffer from a bit of

I'm still wondering what kind of relationship my step-sister wants with me if any. That was a little bit of a letdown as I had hoped for some "bonding" experience. It's understandable since her cousins and relatives were there, and she was afraid of missing out anything.

I'm wondering if weight and body image issues will ever cease. I think it is wishful thinking at this point.

My sleeping habits do not change much when I am away.

Fresh seafood is much better than frozen.

Whoever thinks that having an AC on 62 or 68 degrees is really warm is absolutely nuts. Yes, the condo was at these temperatures which pretty much meant I was in jeans, sweatshirts, and blankets the entire time I was in the condo.

My highlight of the trip was honestly visiting with
Cammy and G.


Kim said...

I relate to a lot of what you said about daily happy hours, large crowds, family stuff. It's always good to survive those things and see that you can. It's always a confidence-booster for me even if I don't have a fabulous time.
I'm sure your dogs are happy to have you home!

Cammy said...

Aw, Cammy and G. were privileged and delighted to have a visit from you! Most definitely shall not be the last time.

I agree with you about situations with alcohol. I consider myself to be a social drinker, but I do get uncomfortable sometimes when people are drinking quite a bit. I think it's normal to be glad that big family gatherings only happen occasionally, but the fact that it's normal doesn't really relieve the stress while they're happening.

And I hear you on the AC! I should have sent some sweatshirts back with you to the condo!

Kristina said...

Glad that you survived the gathering and that you are happy to be back to your life and back to your space. I always feel a huge sigh of relief upon returning home after a stressful trip.
And I definitely relate to your musings about the beach and the heat!

Lissy said...

i despise air-conditioning. it is my personal nemesis. i'm mostly working from home this summer, because the office hurts me.

i firmly believe that weight and body image issues can improve. it can take a very long time. i get better all the time (setbacks too, of course).

i'm determined. it's doable

ola said...

I have never heard about mazeophobia, but as orienteering runner I think getting lost and finding your own way can have really therapeutic effect sometimes.

And maybe your fears have all the common factor? The drinking and unsructured things and body fear and getting lost.. loosing control.

I often wonder if anorexia or its signs are some special kind of phobia or modyfied and more complex OCD and if after X expositions the fear will get smaller and smaller and.. and I don´t know.

But I am sure there IS the way out of all body issues circles. The fact we didn´t find the it yet doesn´t mean it doesn´t exist. Somewhere in us. Best luck for finding it!

Tiptoe said...

Thanks all for the support.

Kim, it is good to know I can get through these events. I just need to keep telling myself this when these events occur.

Cammy, yeah I should have asked you for some sweatshirts.;-)

I've been thinking more about this alcohol thing. Not sure if it is because I didn't grow up around it or that I have seen people do some very dumb things while intoxicated. Probably lots of factors as to my uncomfortableness around it.

Kristina, yes, there is relief. You just got back from hot Texas, so I know you can relate to the weather!

Lissy, really, you don't like AC? I'm not a huge fan of it but when it is hot out, it is nice to into AC as long as it isn't too cold.

I know weight and body image can get better. I think I'm going through a rough spot with very bad body image.

Ola, excellent points! I've also gotten lost running many times and had to find my way back. So I agree with you that getting lost can be helpful in orienting yourself. I've had to do this many times driving.

I'm sure loss of control plays a role in these fears. I think a lot also just has to do with uncertainty--uncertainty of what happens, of how people will behave, of how my body will be, etc.

I do agree that I think factors of OCD can definitely be rooted in AN and other eating disorders. Learning to diminish the fears does become helpful, it just feels like such a long drawn out process sometimes. I know with my mazeophobia, I have slowly gotten better with this, though anxiety does still arise.

Logically, I know body image issues can eventually get better and we can come to a place of acceptance. Currently, it's just not on my hot list.