I'm still agonizing over the decision to go on medication. One, I'm incredibly impatient when it comes to medications working. Two, I'm worried about the side effects--yes weight gain which is always a fear. Three, I'm worried about the cost. Four, I'm worried it won't work and that my time will be wasted.
On the up side, a medication could work. I could perhaps think more clearly and process things better. I may not be as overwhelmed when faced with difficult decisions. It could possibly help with my continual vacillation between some denial and actual problem with exercising. :-/
So I bit the bullet and spent most of my morning making calls to psychiatrists' offices. I had a few names from my previous therapist. The two through the university who I wanted to see are booked until February and not taking new patients. I wouldn't even get to see them unless I saw their LCSW first and then had her refer me to one of their pdocs.
I called a few others that were on my insurance list. On one call, this guy was super nice and answered my questions and knew of one who worked with ED patients extensively. The funny thing was that I asked him if he knew of this other psychiatrist whom I'd called. His answer was that "she had been around forever, and given my age and problem, he highly suggested I went to see the ED pdoc." Hmmm, that kind of left me confused since she is the one I'm waiting to hear back from.
Another psychiatrist, I was able to speak with personally. She seemed very nice and worked with patients who were referred to her by my former therapist. The rest I called don't take my insurance with the exception of two psychiatric nurse practitioners.
As my analytical brain likes to do, I've made a list of the possible psychiatrists. This is the rundown, * indicates they accept my insurance.
Pdoc C. is an anxiety specialist who founded the Anxiety Foundation. He does both psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy and also uses animal assisted therapy. He has some experience working with eating disorder clientele. His fee, however, is a bit outrageous. Either he's really good, or he jacks his rates sky high.
Pdoc W. works with ED clients extensively and apparently worked under a well known ED researcher at the university. According to the guy I talked to who gave me his name, this pdoc, in his opinion, was the best ED one in town.
Pdoc L. was a a name given by my former therapist K. His specialty is addictions and is supposed to be a really nice guy. I think he also won some award a few years ago, voted as the best psychiatrist in town.
Pdoc G-R. is the one I spoke with. She's also worked with Ed clientele, though it is not her specialty. My former therapist, K. has referred several clients to her. She seemed very nice and even suggested if I had other names I wanted to run by her, to give her a call.
*Pdoc F. has also worked with ED clients. She is the one that the guy who I spoke to said had been around forever. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm waiting to speak to her personally, as that is something she just does with all new possible clients.
*Pdoc Mc. or P. are nurse practitioners. My current therapist, C., has referred a few clients to them. She says that one is apparently blunt and gruff, but was able to find alternative meds that did not have weight gain as a side effect. The other she has not heard anything negative about.
Yes, I know this seems ridiculous. "It's just a psychiatrist" as one of my friends said. I called my mother to get feedback since she has been on what seems like every single medication known to mankind for depression. She tried really, but she wasn't very helpful.
See, this is the thing. I'm placed with a number of options in front of me, and then I have a hard time choosing. One part of me says I should just go through insurance as it would be cheaper. Another part of me thinks I should go for the specialty. Then, another part of me says I should bite the bullet for the high initial cost of the first appt. if the arrow points to them helping me more. Maybe I should just play spin the bottle?
Why am I making this so difficult? I think part of it is that I really want to be able to have an actual relationship with whatever pdoc I see. I don't want it to just be med management which unfortunately is how it mostly is since insurance companies have "ruined" the field of psychiatry. This is according to my mother's current pdoc.
The other thing is I think that the follow-up appts. would be a waste unless there were serious side effects going on. And I guess I'm just having trouble thinking about paying that much money for a mere 10-20 minutes at the max when you could just call and say how you were. I know most see pdocs much less frequently than a therapist but still.
Then, the really bad thing with all this (and why I'm really hating insurance at the moment) which I just found out is that any pdoc session would count toward my mental health coverage. Currently, I only have a ten session limit/year, so it cuts my therapy by at least two or more sessions. I can continue of course, it's just everything would be out of pocket, and I would not be able to go as frequently.
This is where everything stands right now, and I'm having a terrible time in deciding what to do. It's essentially the story of my life. :sigh: Does anyone have any special wisdom? Or want to commiserate with me?
Part one of anxiety medication dilemma can be read here.
By the way, my day ended up strangely. I went to the store to pick up a few items. When I got home to put the items away, I realized there was a pack of cigarettes in the bag! I have not a clue how they got in there. Hmm, maybe this is some sign? Just kidding, I seriously doubt someone is trying to tell me to just kill the anxiety with a few smokes.