It's been a week since the new year has started, and there are still umpteen articles about resolutions, ads about weight loss, commercials about joining gyms, etc. And then of course, it was also the season premiere of the Biggest Loser Couples show. In the early years of the show, I admit, I watched many episodes until I gave a closer inspection and really saw how unrealistic, unhealthy, and humiliating the show was. I want to focus on the latter in this post as I was horrified how they upped the ante so to speak.
In general, I watch bits and pieces of the show, usually the first and last episodes for curiosity sake, but I do not consider myself any avid type of watcher of the show like some people I know. The season opener was similar to their other shows in introducing the couples. This time we saw Bob and Jillian call the contestants, the contestants exhilarated on making it in the show, jumping up and down, screaming, etc. Then, Bob and Jillian tell them that their first weigh-in is public in front of their hometowns! Each and every contestant had a gaping horrified look on their faces, much like the one I had on mine. Despite the fact these people decide to go on national television to lose weight and announce to the world how much they weigh, how much more humiliating can you get than to be in front of friends and families?
Each contestant apparently agreed, and you saw them go in front of their hometowns (most seemed to be in a park or gym) and step on the scale. Then, they had to read aloud the number and say how and why they were going to change. Can we say AA but with triple the amount of humiliation? Was this necessary? No! My guess is this was completely a way to rev up the ratings and add to the humiliation factor, especially since this is considered the heaviest set of contestants. It was interesting to look at the audience footage as some had mouths wide open at the numbers, while others cried.
This entire concept of humiliation makes me ponder the question of why, and why do so many Americans tune in to watch? Many say they feel connected to the people--that they understand them. Others say they find inspiration.. Then, there are probably others who just tune in to watch Jillian Michaels yell at them.
Just as I'm thinking about all this, a new press release came out saying how negative experiences from a coach or instructor can turn people off of physical activity for a lifetime. The press release doesn't give many details of the study, other than it is published in the Qualitative Research in Sport and Exercise. However, it does raise a good point in how our environment contributes to our attitudes on sports, exercises, etc.
One might think that many contestants would not want Jillian Michaels as their trainer as it seems like she is just constantly yelling and berating at them (I think a lot if edited to only show this side of her, because I seriously doubt she is always like this, just my feeling, could be wrong though), but in fact, when given the choice, there are a bunch of them that have in past seasons. So what is the deciding factor? I think it is they feel like she is the one that produces results.
This whole thinking reminds me of Bela Karolyi, the famous gymnastics coach. In Joan Ryan's book, Little Girls in Pretty Boxes, many of the gymnasts said he called them awful names, talked about their bodies distastefully, etc., but yet, many continued to train under him. Why? Because he produced results, he produced champions, he seemed to be the best at the time.
I think this is kind of the same mentality of the Biggest Loser contestants. They feel like this is the only thing that is going to help them, that this show is what they need to lose the weight for good, that humiliation will produce results. I don't know, maybe it does for some, but I think there are other, better, more productive, healthier ways.
The other deciding factor for them in losing weight is simply the grand prize of money. Last year, I posted here about a study from the Journal of American Medical Association displayed similar results. Therefore, in this case, for most, when money is on the line, people go to extremes to lose weight. Somehow, going through pain and humiliation seem worth it to them, and I think there is a feeling that that's what they deserve too for letting themselves go, for not being able to "diet" right, for losing willpower, etc.
I wish the public could see how this type of show is not fueling much health but just humiliation. Unfortunately, I seem to be in the minority in thinking this way as the show is one of the most popular ratings wise and is doubtful to come off the air anytime soon. As I always tell my dog clients when they are watching dog behavior shows, "you can't believe everything you see on tv."
Note--*A friend of mine on facebook posted that she was watching the show and that Jillian kicks her butt on ifit, and how she loved that she screamed at them. However, if Jillian was ever her trainer, she would cry. (This is very true) I replied to her that I was surprised since she had a severe eating disorder in the past. She replied back saying she thought it was a great show and helped people get their lives back on track. Everyone is of course entitled to their own opinion, I was just very surprised, that's all.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
If your body could talk...
In Margarita Tartavosky's excellent Weightless Blog, her most recent post, Empathizing with your body, she asks the question "What would your body parts say if they could talk?" It's an intriguing question, because really how would our bodies respond to that question? What would our most dissatisfied body part say?
For me, my stomach, would say something along the lines of:
"I hold your stomach muscles and align your spine. I am the core of your body, but yet you do not see me that way. You cannot look past that small pooch that has been there since Adam and Eve--that pooch that is necessary for your health, that pooch that is there if you ever decide to bear children. Instead, you just see me as a layer of fat to be rid of so you can obtain that ever so sought after six-pack that you have always wanted with relentless stomach exercises that just make me hurt. And it is likely that that six pack will never happen due to pure genetics, so I don't know why you keep trying to attain this goal through me!"
Okay, so I have a bit of an angry stomach.
Seriously though, how do our bodies think of us? It is doubtful they think we are best friends, but rather more like mortal enemies. Doesn't that seem kind of sad? Our bodies become the thing we despise, the thing we take all our energy out on, the thing we deprive, the thing we scold and yell profanities at, the thing we mutilate, the thing we destroy.
And yet, each and every body part has a role in keeping us functional, in keeping us with the ability to move, in keeping us living. Don't you think for all that it deserves something better from us?
I know it can be hard, because sometimes we are not necessarily trying to destroy our bodies intentionally, it just becomes the thing that gets in the way, the thing most easy to manipulate, the thing that is the aftermath of our emotional pain.
I know it is a far fetch to say an affirmation like "I love my body" but what about just starting with "I appreciate my body for the amazing things it does for me." That's at least a starting point. We may never get to a point of loving our bodies ever so completely, but I think if we can reach aspects of appreciation and respect, our bodies would be so thankful for that.
So, if your body/body part could talk, what would it say?
Note--*In my quote part about what my stomach would say, I had a funny slip and wrote "purge" instead of "pure" genetics.
*I find it kind of ironic, because when I went to the blog site, there is a header with an advertisement with Jillian Michaels, asking "how big is your weight-loss goal?" I've seen this ad before and it is has been on various site, but I still find it ironic.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Focusing on the "Be"
Although the title of this blog post, "Free to fully be yourself in 2010" is a bit hokey, I think it is a good message and one that we often forget. Many of us tend to get wrapped in on what we should be, what we should look like, how we should act that we simply forget to just "be." We become so fearful of how we are perceived, that we will disappoint, that we are never enough, etc. Sometimes, that leads to never taking risks, to always denigrating or self sabotaging ourselves, etc. In the end, it just doesn't get us anywhere and makes us feel even worse about ourselves.
I know for me this topic has been really difficult all my life, simply because I've always had expectations whether they were placed on me or I placed them on myself. Sometimes, those expectations panned out, but other times, they did not at all. And when that happened, I became disappointed, said I was worthless, that I was just a loser, that I was just a huge disappointment. Besides all the self-berations, in essence, what I was doing was solely focusing on what I could not do, what I was not doing, what I should be doing, rather than focusing on what I COULD do.
Sometimes, I think if I had focused on that all along, then maybe I would have learned a long time ago to simply "be"--to be accepting of myself as I was to others. Maybe that'll be my long termish goal. It's certainly not easy, takes a whole heck of a lot of time to get all that negative mumbo jumbo out of my head, but it's still something to strive for--something maybe we should all look at a little more closely.
In closing, from the post, there was this video that explained it nicely. I see this all the time with clients, so it's easy for me to point out in dogs and kids, just harder in myself. I don't know whether it was the song or the song + video, but it made me all teary-eyed.
I know for me this topic has been really difficult all my life, simply because I've always had expectations whether they were placed on me or I placed them on myself. Sometimes, those expectations panned out, but other times, they did not at all. And when that happened, I became disappointed, said I was worthless, that I was just a loser, that I was just a huge disappointment. Besides all the self-berations, in essence, what I was doing was solely focusing on what I could not do, what I was not doing, what I should be doing, rather than focusing on what I COULD do.
Sometimes, I think if I had focused on that all along, then maybe I would have learned a long time ago to simply "be"--to be accepting of myself as I was to others. Maybe that'll be my long termish goal. It's certainly not easy, takes a whole heck of a lot of time to get all that negative mumbo jumbo out of my head, but it's still something to strive for--something maybe we should all look at a little more closely.
In closing, from the post, there was this video that explained it nicely. I see this all the time with clients, so it's easy for me to point out in dogs and kids, just harder in myself. I don't know whether it was the song or the song + video, but it made me all teary-eyed.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
A decade in review
As 2009 draws to a close, it's just occurred to me that we are ending a chapter in history with this decade. Some are calling this the worst decade ever, while others feel the opposite. I think it's a cumulation of both, but certainly for Generation Y'ers, (born late 1970s-mid 1990s), it's been quite a ride for many.
So here's a brief list of what we've seen in this decade:
9/11 and the rise in terrorism
Iraq and Afghanistan wars
Tsunamis in Asia with horribly high death tolls
Hurricane Katrina
Major financial and housing crisis, recession
Issue of global warming brought to the forefront
First US African-American President
Heightened airport security
Prominence of China everywhere
All of the political scandals and nuances of the Capitol
Human genome project and the significance of the role of DNA in a variety of disorders
Stem cell research emergence
Gene therapy promises
Rise in alternative medicine, organic foods and yoga movement
Rise in social media and networking, including twitter, facebook, myspace, and blogging that changed the way we communicate
Introduction to ipods, blackberries, and iphones which also led to increase in texting and yes sexting as well
Wikipedia, youtube, and google
Introduction to Harry Potter!
Shows Sopranos, Lost, Law and Order series, The Office, 30 Rock, and many others reigned
Reality tv took off with a variety of shows and unforgettable characters
Many prominent deaths, probably death of Michael Jackson will be most highlighted
I know this just scratches the surface, but it gives a good picture of the good, bad, the ugly, and how it has all affected us in one way or another.
Now, as for me, the decade has been a teachable one with many defeats, triumphs, and most of all self growth.
10 years ago, I was a lonely, depressed, burnt out, sophomore in college who further learned how much the eating disorder was affecting my life.
10 years ago, I got my first puppy as my own, Baxter, and started my first therapy stint in college with C. I learned that raising a puppy was tough and at times therapy even harder.
10 years ago, I was diagnosed with hepatitis B, had a biopsy, and began treatment. I learned the complex, confusing system of hepatitis B and how it can severely affect your body and mind.
9 years ago, I started my job at the kennel and began obedience with Baxter. I learned what possibilities there were with Baxter if I kept a good head of patience.
8 years ago, I did a 4-month treatment course of interferon (horrible!) and had a brief taste of what recovery was like.
7 years ago, I had non-epileptic seizures which forced me to take a medical leave of absence from college. I learned that I had much anxiety about the future, and that it was not going away anytime soon.
7 years ago, I graduated from college and had no clue what to do with my life. I learned it was really not the end of the world, something at the time I thought about.
7 years ago, I began on a path towards learning about animal behavior and becoming a trainer. I learned I was actually good at this and it could possibly be a goal for the future.
6 years ago, ED relapsed back into my life, and I thought I'd never get better; began therapy with new therapist, K.
6 years ago, I gave Hank, my Aussie X, a home after briefly being a psychiatric service dog and living in the kennel for over a year. From him, I learned about letting go of expectations in my dogs.
6 years ago, I learned that not everything was my fault
5 years ago, I learned that people were not always as they seemed
4 years ago, I adopted Daphne, my deaf white Boxer, at first a foster who became permanent. I learned a whole new language and challenged my training skills through her deafness.
3 years ago, I seroconverted and no longer carried any hepatitis B signs clinically speaking. I learned this holy grail was actually possible despite having been a chronic carrier for so long.
2 years ago, I ended therapy with K, began this blog, and decided to really put forth a true effort in recovery.
1.5 years ago, I ran my first marathon and did a second. I learned the ability and strength of my body.
1.5 years ago, I finally began making real strides in recovery and began therapy again with C. working on tough issues.
1 year ago, I found Tovah and gave her a home. I re-learned the difficulty of raising a puppy, but learned from my mistakes with Baxter.
2 months ago, I got up in front of 100s of people and did laughter yoga (this was a big thing for me!) I learned that it was possible for me to be a bit outgoing if I stopped worrying so much about what other people thought.
1.5 months ago, I bought my first house, moved to a new area, and changed jobs. I learned that though this was/is all a scary process and transition, I could endure it.
23 days ago, I learned about letting go and saying good-bye to a dear companion. I learned that my heart could be broken, but that I could be mended.
0 days ago, I learned that recovery is still reachable for me, and that I'm actually beginning to have some belief in that.
I don't know what the next decade will bring. I don't like to think in large time spans, as I know life can always throw curve balls, and it won't necessarily be what you dreamed or hoped. I don't do resolutions but instead, I like to think about the small goals I can make. Each success of a small goal makes an impact, giving me a little more self-esteem in the long run. It reminds me that deep within, there lies strength, courage, and a continued hope for a better tomorrow.
So what is your decade in review (or year)? What have you learned? What do you hope to do or learn?
Lastly, I hope for each of you, the next year and decade in coming brings about a renewed sense of hope, a ray of happiness and stability, health, and peace within yourself. Here's to 2010!
Note--*I thank all of you for your support and comments. I hope this blog has been just as helpful to you as it has been to me.
So here's a brief list of what we've seen in this decade:
9/11 and the rise in terrorism
Iraq and Afghanistan wars
Tsunamis in Asia with horribly high death tolls
Hurricane Katrina
Major financial and housing crisis, recession
Issue of global warming brought to the forefront
First US African-American President
Heightened airport security
Prominence of China everywhere
All of the political scandals and nuances of the Capitol
Human genome project and the significance of the role of DNA in a variety of disorders
Stem cell research emergence
Gene therapy promises
Rise in alternative medicine, organic foods and yoga movement
Rise in social media and networking, including twitter, facebook, myspace, and blogging that changed the way we communicate
Introduction to ipods, blackberries, and iphones which also led to increase in texting and yes sexting as well
Wikipedia, youtube, and google
Introduction to Harry Potter!
Shows Sopranos, Lost, Law and Order series, The Office, 30 Rock, and many others reigned
Reality tv took off with a variety of shows and unforgettable characters
Many prominent deaths, probably death of Michael Jackson will be most highlighted
I know this just scratches the surface, but it gives a good picture of the good, bad, the ugly, and how it has all affected us in one way or another.
Now, as for me, the decade has been a teachable one with many defeats, triumphs, and most of all self growth.
10 years ago, I was a lonely, depressed, burnt out, sophomore in college who further learned how much the eating disorder was affecting my life.
10 years ago, I got my first puppy as my own, Baxter, and started my first therapy stint in college with C. I learned that raising a puppy was tough and at times therapy even harder.
10 years ago, I was diagnosed with hepatitis B, had a biopsy, and began treatment. I learned the complex, confusing system of hepatitis B and how it can severely affect your body and mind.
9 years ago, I started my job at the kennel and began obedience with Baxter. I learned what possibilities there were with Baxter if I kept a good head of patience.
8 years ago, I did a 4-month treatment course of interferon (horrible!) and had a brief taste of what recovery was like.
7 years ago, I had non-epileptic seizures which forced me to take a medical leave of absence from college. I learned that I had much anxiety about the future, and that it was not going away anytime soon.
7 years ago, I graduated from college and had no clue what to do with my life. I learned it was really not the end of the world, something at the time I thought about.
7 years ago, I began on a path towards learning about animal behavior and becoming a trainer. I learned I was actually good at this and it could possibly be a goal for the future.
6 years ago, ED relapsed back into my life, and I thought I'd never get better; began therapy with new therapist, K.
6 years ago, I gave Hank, my Aussie X, a home after briefly being a psychiatric service dog and living in the kennel for over a year. From him, I learned about letting go of expectations in my dogs.
6 years ago, I learned that not everything was my fault
5 years ago, I learned that people were not always as they seemed
4 years ago, I adopted Daphne, my deaf white Boxer, at first a foster who became permanent. I learned a whole new language and challenged my training skills through her deafness.
3 years ago, I seroconverted and no longer carried any hepatitis B signs clinically speaking. I learned this holy grail was actually possible despite having been a chronic carrier for so long.
2 years ago, I ended therapy with K, began this blog, and decided to really put forth a true effort in recovery.
1.5 years ago, I ran my first marathon and did a second. I learned the ability and strength of my body.
1.5 years ago, I finally began making real strides in recovery and began therapy again with C. working on tough issues.
1 year ago, I found Tovah and gave her a home. I re-learned the difficulty of raising a puppy, but learned from my mistakes with Baxter.
2 months ago, I got up in front of 100s of people and did laughter yoga (this was a big thing for me!) I learned that it was possible for me to be a bit outgoing if I stopped worrying so much about what other people thought.
1.5 months ago, I bought my first house, moved to a new area, and changed jobs. I learned that though this was/is all a scary process and transition, I could endure it.
23 days ago, I learned about letting go and saying good-bye to a dear companion. I learned that my heart could be broken, but that I could be mended.
0 days ago, I learned that recovery is still reachable for me, and that I'm actually beginning to have some belief in that.
I don't know what the next decade will bring. I don't like to think in large time spans, as I know life can always throw curve balls, and it won't necessarily be what you dreamed or hoped. I don't do resolutions but instead, I like to think about the small goals I can make. Each success of a small goal makes an impact, giving me a little more self-esteem in the long run. It reminds me that deep within, there lies strength, courage, and a continued hope for a better tomorrow.
So what is your decade in review (or year)? What have you learned? What do you hope to do or learn?
Lastly, I hope for each of you, the next year and decade in coming brings about a renewed sense of hope, a ray of happiness and stability, health, and peace within yourself. Here's to 2010!
Note--*I thank all of you for your support and comments. I hope this blog has been just as helpful to you as it has been to me.
Follow-up: running group debate
First off, thanks to those who commented on my debate to join training running group and who voted in the poll. The commenters raised some excellent questions, so thank you for making me think more about this.
I did attend the meeting last week to get more information. There were quite a few people of all ages in attendance The interests varied from running a full marathon to walking to completing a half-marathon. Some were seasoned runners who wanted to qualify for Boston, others were newbies looking for a challenge.
The program itself is rather large. Last year, they had over 800 people sign up in their three locations. A fourth was added this year for more convenience and option for runners. They expect that this will also increase the total sign up number.
In general, I think the program is laid out nicely with various workouts and rest days in between. There are trainers--some with a lot of expertise, others more like cheerleaders who help runners in every workout session. Everything is done at your own comfort pace. You can move around between groups if you decide to switch from a marathon to half marathon or vice versa. You can join at any time throughout the year. Obviously, there are many people to socialize with. And lastly, you get some cool, free perks!
So with all that in mind plus all those other deeply thought out answers which I'll get to in a minute I have decided NOT to join at this time.
Reason number 1: In the last 48 hours, I have manged to get some sore throat/cold thing, so I just don't feel like it is wise to run, breathing in 20 degree weather, especially when a provoking hack of a cough has ensued.
Reason number 2: I'm afraid of being really strained for time with everything else going on. I know in February especially, things will be getting VERY busy. I'm also still learning my way around here. Take for example the few runs I did last week/weekend. I went on a nearby golf course and got completely lost. Later, I found out it is actually three golf courses combined! After 45 minutes of being lost, I really just did want to get home in the WARM house. That day was windy with a wind chill in the teens or less!
Reason 3 tied in with number 2: I also have a lot of stuff that I want to do with the house, especially near spring. I don't know if I'd really have enough time to get everything done if I'm training. I'm sure it would be doable, but I think I almost need to cut myself some slack here.
Reason number 4: I worry about overexercising/overtraining/obsessive quantity. Even the best sought out plan for me, I still have a tendency to do too much too fast and wind up injured about 2/3 through the training. Though I have learned to take rest days, there is usually still a bit of a guilt feeling leftover.
Reason 5: I worry about not eating enough. I do tend to eat more while training and it helps to a degree with eating issues, but I still do not eat enough. I think I read somewhere that something like 50% or more of female runners do not eat enough. Sounds about right to me.
Reason 6 tied in with number 4, I do fear a risk of lapsing back where I have been. Without any treatment team set up at all, I think it could be detrimental to any progress I've made thus far.
These are the main reasons not to join the training group, This doesn't mean that in the future I cannot join, but just that I think I need to give myself some time to feel a little more comfortable with a new setting, a new house, a new job, etc. Though I worry about the socialization aspect of things, it just means I have to work a little harder. I do think that if I do not put myself out there within a relatively short period of time, depression and isolation can easily follow. And I'm trying really hard to not to let that happen.
So for now, I am sticking with my walks with the dogs and a few short runs, nothing major. The walking is mostly with my clients' dogs, but I do walk my own dogs as well. With Tovah, I am doing some running/walking with her since she just has SO much energy, and without playing at the kennel all day like she used to, she just seems to be my WILD child. (It's a good thing her buddy Betty is coming for a slumber party tomorrow) It's good for me, because I do not push her too much due to her young age. By thinking about her and her own joints/muscles, it gives me perspective on what is healthy. (kind of like this post about the importance of fat)
Thinking through this reminds me of how I could cognitively cogitate through this process. Before, I'd probably would have just jumped on the running bandwagon, then regretted it, but would have felt unable to back out of it. I guess this is just another brick added to the my layer of recovery. :-)
I hope any of you who may be going through a similar ordeal can look at all perspectives and decide for yourself what is best. And if not, then as commenter M said in a recent Carrie post on "enough" exercise: "It sounds like plenty of qualified people who know you and your health history are willing to define "enough" for you ... but maybe you don't really like the answer, so you're waiting for a better one..." (M. hope you don't mind me calling you out, but this was a great comment, and I think a lot of people can relate)
I did attend the meeting last week to get more information. There were quite a few people of all ages in attendance The interests varied from running a full marathon to walking to completing a half-marathon. Some were seasoned runners who wanted to qualify for Boston, others were newbies looking for a challenge.
The program itself is rather large. Last year, they had over 800 people sign up in their three locations. A fourth was added this year for more convenience and option for runners. They expect that this will also increase the total sign up number.
In general, I think the program is laid out nicely with various workouts and rest days in between. There are trainers--some with a lot of expertise, others more like cheerleaders who help runners in every workout session. Everything is done at your own comfort pace. You can move around between groups if you decide to switch from a marathon to half marathon or vice versa. You can join at any time throughout the year. Obviously, there are many people to socialize with. And lastly, you get some cool, free perks!
So with all that in mind plus all those other deeply thought out answers which I'll get to in a minute I have decided NOT to join at this time.
Reason number 1: In the last 48 hours, I have manged to get some sore throat/cold thing, so I just don't feel like it is wise to run, breathing in 20 degree weather, especially when a provoking hack of a cough has ensued.
Reason number 2: I'm afraid of being really strained for time with everything else going on. I know in February especially, things will be getting VERY busy. I'm also still learning my way around here. Take for example the few runs I did last week/weekend. I went on a nearby golf course and got completely lost. Later, I found out it is actually three golf courses combined! After 45 minutes of being lost, I really just did want to get home in the WARM house. That day was windy with a wind chill in the teens or less!
Reason 3 tied in with number 2: I also have a lot of stuff that I want to do with the house, especially near spring. I don't know if I'd really have enough time to get everything done if I'm training. I'm sure it would be doable, but I think I almost need to cut myself some slack here.
Reason number 4: I worry about overexercising/overtraining/obsessive quantity. Even the best sought out plan for me, I still have a tendency to do too much too fast and wind up injured about 2/3 through the training. Though I have learned to take rest days, there is usually still a bit of a guilt feeling leftover.
Reason 5: I worry about not eating enough. I do tend to eat more while training and it helps to a degree with eating issues, but I still do not eat enough. I think I read somewhere that something like 50% or more of female runners do not eat enough. Sounds about right to me.
Reason 6 tied in with number 4, I do fear a risk of lapsing back where I have been. Without any treatment team set up at all, I think it could be detrimental to any progress I've made thus far.
These are the main reasons not to join the training group, This doesn't mean that in the future I cannot join, but just that I think I need to give myself some time to feel a little more comfortable with a new setting, a new house, a new job, etc. Though I worry about the socialization aspect of things, it just means I have to work a little harder. I do think that if I do not put myself out there within a relatively short period of time, depression and isolation can easily follow. And I'm trying really hard to not to let that happen.
So for now, I am sticking with my walks with the dogs and a few short runs, nothing major. The walking is mostly with my clients' dogs, but I do walk my own dogs as well. With Tovah, I am doing some running/walking with her since she just has SO much energy, and without playing at the kennel all day like she used to, she just seems to be my WILD child. (It's a good thing her buddy Betty is coming for a slumber party tomorrow) It's good for me, because I do not push her too much due to her young age. By thinking about her and her own joints/muscles, it gives me perspective on what is healthy. (kind of like this post about the importance of fat)
Thinking through this reminds me of how I could cognitively cogitate through this process. Before, I'd probably would have just jumped on the running bandwagon, then regretted it, but would have felt unable to back out of it. I guess this is just another brick added to the my layer of recovery. :-)
I hope any of you who may be going through a similar ordeal can look at all perspectives and decide for yourself what is best. And if not, then as commenter M said in a recent Carrie post on "enough" exercise: "It sounds like plenty of qualified people who know you and your health history are willing to define "enough" for you ... but maybe you don't really like the answer, so you're waiting for a better one..." (M. hope you don't mind me calling you out, but this was a great comment, and I think a lot of people can relate)
Follow-up: dental appointment
I had my dental appointment today. There was no major fanfare or inquisition or anything like that. Actually, the most vivid memory I have is of the donkey in the movie Shrek jumping up and down and yelling, "pick me, pick me" over and over again. That happened about halfway through the appt. when the dentist left to see another patient, and I was drifting in and out of sleep. Apparently, it was the end of the dvd and no one had pushed play again.
The appointment was pretty straight forward. The dentist just asked why I was there--mostly to get the bridge re-cemented. The bad news is that there is a huge hole in it where the cement has worn off which is likely the culprit of the cold sensitivity. This also means I'll have to get this bridge replaced or an implant put in. The good news is that the teeth that are under the bridge look good. Once she re-cemented it (and with some lovely stinging pain), I was good to go.
The next appt. will be more comprehensive and other questions then may be asked about my teeth. I pretty much stuck to the basics of my general dental history today. At another point in time, I'll bring up the ED history if she has already not guessed it.
The ironic thing is that my boss knows this dentist! Apparently, she had some work done by the dentist's husband a few years ago. Smallish world I guess.
Note: *Just a quick observation This dentist was tiny! I normally never feel a certain way with professionals, but I felt like the Marshmallow man (I guess technically that is Marshmallow woman) standing next to her.
The appointment was pretty straight forward. The dentist just asked why I was there--mostly to get the bridge re-cemented. The bad news is that there is a huge hole in it where the cement has worn off which is likely the culprit of the cold sensitivity. This also means I'll have to get this bridge replaced or an implant put in. The good news is that the teeth that are under the bridge look good. Once she re-cemented it (and with some lovely stinging pain), I was good to go.
The next appt. will be more comprehensive and other questions then may be asked about my teeth. I pretty much stuck to the basics of my general dental history today. At another point in time, I'll bring up the ED history if she has already not guessed it.
The ironic thing is that my boss knows this dentist! Apparently, she had some work done by the dentist's husband a few years ago. Smallish world I guess.
Note: *Just a quick observation This dentist was tiny! I normally never feel a certain way with professionals, but I felt like the Marshmallow man (I guess technically that is Marshmallow woman) standing next to her.
Monday, December 28, 2009
New area, new dentist
It's been over a year since I've been to the dentist, but I decided to go ahead and make an appointment today. I figured it was the end of the year, so I might as well use my dental insurance rather than feeling like I'm paying for nothing. In a way, this is a good sign, because in prior years, I practically lived in the dentist's chair. This also means that I haven't had as many problems in general with my teeth at all. Another kudos for me! This also equates to virtually no purging either! (I say virtually, because since 2008, it's only been a handful of times) Yeah to me!
Anyway, clapping ends now, because I'm also going to the dentist due to some recent sensitivity in my mouth as well as my bridge loosening after eating nip candy. This collision has happened before, but I just never seem to learn.
I'm a bit antsy as this is a new dentist, and just like a first appointment with a therapist or doctor, I'll have to go through my whole history again. "Now, just why do you have 2 holes in your mouth, a loosened bridge, a space where a bridge used to be, and a chip in your front tooth? And you're how old again?" Argh! Most never ask those questions in that particular style, but that's how it runs through in my head. You know expect the worst and be happy that it usually doesn't turn out that way. Of course, I could be completely wrong too, but we just won't go there.
The appointment is Wednesday morning, so a day to rehearse just everything I will say. Actually, I have gotten better with divulging my eating disorder history with dentists, but it still cause some anxiety. I was actually very hopeful when I looked in the phone book and recognized a name, a dentist who shared a practice with my other dentist where I used to live. Sadly, I think the phone book is wrong and she is no longer there as there is no evidence of her on their website. Wishful thinking I guess.
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