Saturday, January 2, 2010

Focusing on the "Be"

Although the title of this blog post, "Free to fully be yourself in 2010" is a bit hokey, I think it is a good message and one that we often forget. Many of us tend to get wrapped in on what we should be, what we should look like, how we should act that we simply forget to just "be." We become so fearful of how we are perceived, that we will disappoint, that we are never enough, etc. Sometimes, that leads to never taking risks, to always denigrating or self sabotaging ourselves, etc. In the end, it just doesn't get us anywhere and makes us feel even worse about ourselves.

I know for me this topic has been really difficult all my life, simply because I've always had expectations whether they were placed on me or I placed them on myself. Sometimes, those expectations panned out, but other times, they did not at all. And when that happened, I became disappointed, said I was worthless, that I was just a loser, that I was just a huge disappointment. Besides all the self-berations, in essence, what I was doing was solely focusing on what I could not do, what I was not doing, what I should be doing, rather than focusing on what I COULD do.

Sometimes, I think if I had focused on that all along, then maybe I would have learned a long time ago to simply "be"--to be accepting of myself as I was to others. Maybe that'll be my long termish goal. It's certainly not easy, takes a whole heck of a lot of time to get all that negative mumbo jumbo out of my head, but it's still something to strive for--something maybe we should all look at a little more closely.

In closing, from the post, there was this video that explained it nicely. I see this all the time with clients, so it's easy for me to point out in dogs and kids, just harder in myself. I don't know whether it was the song or the song + video, but it made me all teary-eyed.


Kim said...

I love this post, as the main focus for me right now is to just be. Self-acceptance is a huge part of full recovery, I think. Like you, even when I haven't had expectations placed on me by others, I've placed them on myself. My life has often been a litany of "shoulds." I'm just starting to really, really ask what I want, and accept that I may be different than who I tried to be for so long. It's both a painful and liberating process.

Eating Alone said...

Loved the video. Ok dog's are cute. I never knew they could be trained to do so many things.

Anonymous said...

This post really reminds me of that old adage "It is better to try and to fail, than never to try at all" But it's even more than that. I never really try because I am convinced I will crash and epically fail at anything I try to do. I really fear failure so much, but you've made me reconsider what failure actually is. The way I live my life is far closer to failure than not achieving a goal. Setting goals which are so ridiculously difficult that I would never stand a chance of achieving them, and then not try at all with the belief I am rubbish AND lazy to boot! Well that's just madness.

Tiptoe, you really do make quite a lot of sense sometimes.

Lola x

Tiptoe said...

Kim, that whole acceptance thing is so difficult for many of us. I do think a lot of us as we age begin to understand this. It's one reason why many do begin to ask themselves what they really want. It makes me wonder if we were just automatons at one point you know? Yeah in us doing this together!

David, yes, dogs are absolutely amazing. It's one reason why they are being used for so many things. There are service dogs, dogs who sniff out beehives, mercury, cancer, and many more things. There are dogs who have very unique jobs too!

Lola, I only make sense sometimes? Shouldn't that be an all the time statement? LOL Just kidding.

Sometime, I think we all need to reassess and really look at what failure is. It may be different than what we expected, and we may surprise ourselves too in the process.

ego in absentia said...

Yes, YES!!! I love this...exactly what we all need to be reminded of, daily even! Living in the moment and being grateful, i believe, are the keys to a happy existence! Thanks for the great post! xx