Repost: If you could never fail

I'm reposting this about the question what would you do if you knew you could not fail because I thought it was cool to find a photo that asked this exact question. Plus, it is a great question to ask yourself every now and then.




photo courtesy of Nothing is Impossible
Check out the blog. It has some really nice photos and captions. It reminds me of postsecret but with more inspirational/nostalgic stuff.

Humiliation to the extreme

It's been a week since the new year has started, and there are still umpteen articles about resolutions, ads about weight loss, commercials about joining gyms, etc. And then of course, it was also the season premiere of the Biggest Loser Couples show. In the early years of the show, I admit, I watched many episodes until I gave a closer inspection and really saw how unrealistic, unhealthy, and humiliating the show was. I want to focus on the latter in this post as I was horrified how they upped the ante so to speak.

In general, I watch bits and pieces of the show, usually the first and last episodes for curiosity sake, but I do not consider myself any avid type of watcher of the show like some people I know. The season opener was similar to their other shows in introducing the couples. This time we saw Bob and Jillian call the contestants, the contestants exhilarated on making it in the show, jumping up and down, screaming, etc. Then, Bob and Jillian tell them that their first weigh-in is public in front of their hometowns! Each and every contestant had a gaping horrified look on their faces, much like the one I had on mine. Despite the fact these people decide to go on national television to lose weight and announce to the world how much they weigh, how much more humiliating can you get than to be in front of friends and families?

Each contestant apparently agreed, and you saw them go in front of their hometowns (most seemed to be in a park or gym) and step on the scale. Then, they had to read aloud the number and say how and why they were going to change. Can we say AA but with triple the amount of humiliation? Was this necessary? No! My guess is this was completely a way to rev up the ratings and add to the humiliation factor, especially since this is considered the heaviest set of contestants. It was interesting to look at the audience footage as some had mouths wide open at the numbers, while others cried.

This entire concept of humiliation makes me ponder the question of why, and why do so many Americans tune in to watch? Many say they feel connected to the people--that they understand them. Others say they find inspiration.. Then, there are probably others who just tune in to watch Jillian Michaels yell at them.

Just as I'm thinking about all this, a new press release came out saying how negative experiences from a coach or instructor can turn people off of physical activity for a lifetime. The press release doesn't give many details of the study, other than it is published in the Qualitative Research in Sport and Exercise. However, it does raise a good point in how our environment contributes to our attitudes on sports, exercises, etc.

One might think that many contestants would not want Jillian Michaels as their trainer as it seems like she is just constantly yelling and berating at them (I think a lot if edited to only show this side of her, because I seriously doubt she is always like this, just my feeling, could be wrong though), but in fact, when given the choice, there are a bunch of them that have in past seasons. So what is the deciding factor? I think it is they feel like she is the one that produces results.

This whole thinking reminds me of Bela Karolyi, the famous gymnastics coach. In Joan Ryan's book, Little Girls in Pretty Boxes, many of the gymnasts said he called them awful names, talked about their bodies distastefully, etc., but yet, many continued to train under him. Why? Because he produced results, he produced champions, he seemed to be the best at the time.

I think this is kind of the same mentality of the Biggest Loser contestants. They feel like this is the only thing that is going to help them, that this show is what they need to lose the weight for good, that humiliation will produce results. I don't know, maybe it does for some, but I think there are other, better, more productive, healthier ways.

The other deciding factor for them in losing weight is simply the grand prize of money. Last year, I posted here about a study from the Journal of American Medical Association displayed similar results. Therefore, in this case, for most, when money is on the line, people go to extremes to lose weight. Somehow, going through pain and humiliation seem worth it to them, and I think there is a feeling that that's what they deserve too for letting themselves go, for not being able to "diet" right, for losing willpower, etc.

I wish the public could see how this type of show is not fueling much health but just humiliation. Unfortunately, I seem to be in the minority in thinking this way as the show is one of the most popular ratings wise and is doubtful to come off the air anytime soon. As I always tell my dog clients when they are watching dog behavior shows, "you can't believe everything you see on tv."

Note--*A friend of mine on facebook posted that she was watching the show and that Jillian kicks her butt on ifit, and how she loved that she screamed at them. However, if Jillian was ever her trainer, she would cry. (This is very true) I replied to her that I was surprised since she had a severe eating disorder in the past. She replied back saying she thought it was a great show and helped people get their lives back on track. Everyone is of course entitled to their own opinion, I was just very surprised, that's all.

Interesting quotes

All these quotes are from Mary Pipher's new book Seeking Peace: Chronicles of the Worst Buddhist in the World.

"As a therapist, I learned that people change only when they believe change is possible."

"People can change only in an environment of utter acceptance and regard." said by Carl Rogers on his "paradox of change"

"It takes something larger than ourselves to fight something that feels larger than we are..." in reference to Carl Jung's formula Spiritus contra spiritum which is widely used in AA.

"Despair is the subjective state we experience when our inner and outer resources are insufficient to cope with the situation at hand. At core, it involves a breakdown in our trust of ourselves and the universe."

"The luckiest children are those who can experience challenges, deal with them and become resilient."

"We haven't journeyed all this way because we are made of sugar candy." said by Winston Churchill.

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As an aside note, Mary Pipher's book Reviving Ophelia was a book that impacted me greatly as a teen. I not only felt understood, but it truly made me realize how many hardships young girls face in their lives.

Since then, I've read several other of Pipher's books and have enjoyed them. Sometimes, I used to wish she was my therapist as corny and honest as that sounds.

In 2007, Pipher made waves again in returning her Presidential Citation Award to the American Psychological Association as a protest over their position on military and CIA interrogations at the time. The APA has now changed their policy and has banned members from the participation of any interrogations and similar procedures.

That little red light

A few days ago, I bought a blackberry. It was a belated birthday gift from my mother. I would have gotten it two months ago, but I was too busy doing my maximizing versus satisficing thinking. The choices were between an iphone or blackberry, but it boiled down to not wanting to switch phone carriers.

So far, I'm having a marvelous time learning about the phone. They sales guy at the Verizon store was very helpful in giving me the nuts and bolts on its functionality (and there are many). Did I also mention that every time I walk into the Verizon store, there are hot guys there? I'm beginning to wonder if they are actually making appearance a requirement (sad but probably partly true to some extent).

Anyway, the sales guy set up my e-mail accounts and said whenever I had a flashing red light, it indicated there was a new message.

I didn't think too much of this until I was at work and suddenly, the little red light flashed. Yes, indeed, I did have e-mails. This was cool I thought. A few minutes later, it flashed again. Again, I checked it. It did this periodically the rest of the afternoon, so by the time I got home, I already knew all of my new e-mails.

What I realized was 1) how addictive I am to e-mail and 2) I had developed a conditioned reinforcer! While it's true that phones flash lights indicating voice messages or missed calls, it doesn't feel the same as the one on the blackberry for me.

So what are conditioned reinforcers? If you're familiar with psychology (think going back to all those Pavlovian studies), you'll understand how strong a conditioned reinforcer can be.

Here's a basic definition from uiowa psychology: A conditioned reinforcer is a previously neutral stimulus . If the neutral stimulus is paired with a primary reinforcer it acquires the same reinforcement properties associated with the primary reinforcer.

Throughout life, we develop our own conditioned reinforcers. For many, money is a conditioned reinforcer. We learn the functions and rewards of money (to buy food, clothing, merchandise, etc.), but money in and of itself is just paper. Getting good grades, a bonus at a job, etc. could be other C.Rs if they are paired with receiving positive rewards that are reinforcing to you.

Another example in the post with the baby birds was when Tovah barked, and the birds opened their mouths, expecting food. In nature, the mothers will whistle when it is feeding time, so the birds learn to open their mouths. It is a conditioned response but was favorable in reinforcement of food.

In my line of work with dogs, I'm always looking for reinforcers--what's valuable to dogs. Since I use clicker training frequently, the primary reinforcers could be food, toys, praise, etc. all depending on the dog. The actual clicker (photo on left is an iclick) not only marks the correct behavior for the animal, but it also signifies that a reward is on its way. In some cases, the clicker also tells the animal that the behavior has ended. Thus, the clicker acts as a "bridge." In training marine animals, a whistle would be the equivalent of the clicker.

So, this flashing red light is like a "bridge" for me, telling me I have new e-mail messages which I find reinforcing.

This made me think about eating disorders and conditioned reinforcers. A lot of people don't like to think about how negative or destructive behaviors can be reinforcing, but they can be. The difference is that they are more on a subconscious level (well sometimes conscious too depending on the thought processes at the time) with more complexity.

One conditioned reinforcer I can think of off the top of my head is a scale. A scale is a neutral stimulus in general, but it can add a different meaning when someone steps on it. If someone is in the throes of an ED, and the number drops, then there is reinforcement from the number to continue to lower the weight through
ED behaviors. Thus, it can be a CR if that is the positive association. Now, obviously a scale can easily have a conditioned negative response as well if it says the opposite of what someone wants.

On that note, what are some other conditioned reinforcers related to your ED? What are your little red lights in your daily life non-ED related? Do you find them powerful?

Note--*Just want to say that this post is about behavior and not about biology. It's a known fact that biology, malnutrition , starvation all play a role in decision making and our behaviors. However, I hope you are able to look more closely at your specific behaviors and piece them together for awareness purposes.

*If you're interested in learning about different types of reinforcement, more info. can be found here.

*Lastly, how come blogger does not recognize the word "reinforcer" as a real word? It keeps highlighting it as misspelled.

If you could never fail

This blog post asked an interesting question: what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

The post is geared towards more global thinking, asking what positive impacts you could have on the world, however, I think this question can be asked on a much smaller scale.

For many people, the word "failure" has many connotations. Everything from shame to unworthiness to self doubt to self-defeatism. It's amazing how powerful the word really is. Most times, failure is in relation to achievement, but it can be be viewed in other dimensions of our life such as spirituality or community.

People with eating disorders equate failing in a variety of ways. It can be everything from food to exercise to academics. It can also be seen in their eating disorder like statements such as "I'm a failure at being anorexic" or "I'm a failure at recovery." All this as we know as black and white thinking.

Aside from all this, I think there is a deeper meaning to the word failure--that it reminds us of our fallability, our imperfections, our unworthiness. It allows us to stop dreaming big. I know I may not be speaking for everyone here as there are quite a few eating disorder individuals who do go on to have great success in some area of their life, but I also think there is a proportion of us (maybe I'm only speaking for myself here?) who stop believing too. Not only in their dreams, but in themselves. They become so afraid to unharness their full potential, because the risk of failure feels too cumbersome. This only causes a continuance in rumination, "a spiral of morbid self-involvement that's extremely difficult to shake." (from "Weathering the storm" in Psychology Today)

So what would happen if we could never fail? Certainly, there are positives and negatives to this as we can learn from our mistakes. However, the possibilities could be endless too.

I guess this post reminds me of part of what I've lost through the ED--the ability to dream BIG. I don't know when I lost that ability--the fearless drive to be able to succeed at anything. I've always hated admitting it in the form of fear of failure (and success too), but rather telling myself and others that I learned to be realistic, that the world didn't always work out the way I wanted.

Perhaps, it isn't about never failing or feeling like a failure. Maybe it's more about learning to "fail better" as Samuel Beckett says in "Weathering the storm" He says: "it's a matter of controlling our motions, adjusting our thinking, and recalibrating our beliefs about ourselves and what we can do in this world."