Wednesday, June 8, 2011

First date number whatever

Last weekend, I went on a date with a new Match guy. For those following my date saga, you'll soon learn I have not had much success in general. Seriously, it begins to make me wonder WTF is wrong with me?

I was actually optimistic about this guy. We had spoken a few times on the phone for almost an hour each time. This guy seemed to be my type--smart, funny, into medical sciences, nature, hiking, etc. Originally, we had planned on dinner and maybe hiking or to go walking where there would be pretty flowers. A few days before the weekend, he stubbed his toe. It wasn't broken but likely bruised badly.

The day after he told me this news, I received a coupon from groupon for miniature golfing locally. I thought this would be a great alternative. We could chat, and he wouldn't have to walk that much. He seemed game for the idea as well.

We agreed to meet at the miniature golf place. There was some confusion over the coupon, and apparently, groupon did not write the description as specific as it should have, but needless to say we could play 2 rounds if we wanted. We wound up only playing one since it was so hot, and we were both hungry.

It was interesting, because my first impression of him was that he was a bit effeminate, nothing flamboyant, just not necessarily the manly type. And that was okay, it just threw me for a surprise.

The miniature golfing was mostly chit chatting, asking each other questions. I figured at dinner would be a better time to really talk and get to know him. There was a Korean BBq and sushi place nearby, so we decided to go there. These are the places where you cook your own food at the table.

The dinner itself was scrumptious. I could live off all the little Korean dishes they had there! Talking was going fairly well overall, and then it got weird. I asked him just to tell me about his life experiences. He had already discussed his background, so now he moved onto high school and beyond. Apparently, during high school, he got into a lot of partying which extended well past his teen/young adult years. He said his partying got very out of control, like the control of losing several jobs. He finally got clean, began recovery, went to college as a non-traditional student, relapsed, but is now clean again. Currently, he is in a graduate program studying Bioinformatics which is actually quite an interesting field.

After hearing this, I did specifically ask if he was in recovery or recovered. He said the former. This always leaves for weird conversation. In some ways, this would have been a good time for me to pipe up and say, "oh yeah, I get the recovery thing, because I'm in recovery from my ED." But somehow, it just felt too awkward. I just said my famous lines of "well, we all have our issues. I'm glad that you are getting through yours, etc." I did tell him about my depression in high school and beyond, but that was about it.

The rest of the conversation just well didn't flow that well. I'd try to become humorous, tell a story, etc., but it didn't fly. Then, it got weird with the check. I had actually forgotten how expensive Korean BBQ places are and normally would not have suggested it at all. This restaurant was close and Asian. My date only had cash with him and not enough. I think he felt badly asking me to pick up the tab, and I felt slightly miffed to say the least since I paid for the mini golf (I didn't mind since that was my idea anyway). I guess it surprised me he didn't have his credit/debit card with him? Doesn't everyone have at least one card these days? I have no problem going "dutch," but am maybe a little traditional on first dates and do kind of expect the guy to pay for coffee, dinner, or lunch.

Anyway, I paid the check, he gave me his cash. I should have left after this, but he wanted to do something else. Since it was already 5pm, and all the events around the area were over, we decided to go to the mall and walk around. That seemed so lame honestly, so high schoolish or something. We walked for an additional hour or so, and then I really did need to go. I think the only reason why I went was because I felt badly to just leaving abruptly. I've certainly had that happen to me, and it is not a great feeling.

Thinking more about this date, I don't think it was so much the in recovery thing. I do get that honestly. I think it was the lack of maturity--everything from dress to his likes. But at the same time too, he was a bit of a thinker, like he'd get lost in thought suddenly. There was one other thing that really bothered me. He said how he isn't much of an exerciser (okay not a problem there), but that because he was not very active, he was basically eliminating flour and sugar. Maybe it's just my history with food or something, but it just drives me crazy these days when people are cutting out entire products. The current craze is wheat gluten. I certainly understand if you have an actual disease like Celiac and wheat gluten needs to be avoided, but otherwise, it isn't something that needs to be eliminated completely, maybe moderated at times just like anything else.

Needless to say, this guy just isn't dating material. It is too bad, because I was really excited to get to meet him. Now, I must give him kudos for one thing he said to me which was "I'm glad I got a chance to meet you. You're more beautiful in person than online." (No, he did not mean I was un-beautiful online now did I take it that way) Unfortunately, that statement was just not enough to cut it.

Until my next first date I guess. But I must say, there is sort of a prospect in my bartending class. I can't quite figure him out yet. For example, we have to refill our bottles when they are out/low. Both of us had lime juice. He filled his, and when I went to fill mine, nothing came out. I asked him, and he went back, and held the container for me at an angle, so I could refill my bottle. I know this probably means nothing, it's just likely some nice-guy type thing he does. There have been a few other instances too, but I'll have to write that in another post.

p.s. On a side note regarding the whole diet craze of eliminating wheat gluten. I overhead two women talking who were saying they were basically on an all natural diet. no red flags yet. Then, this one woman said how she was eliminating wheat gluten. She was saying how it was in so many products that she even had to change her make up to a gluten-free one. No offense to anyone who has done thing, but it just seemed a little extreme to me.


Katie said...

I'm sorry your date didn't work out. Don't give up, I'm sure there's someone out there who is a better match :)

I was moaning about the wheat thing last week. I had a genuine (diagnosed) problem with wheat a few years back when my digestive system was a complete wreck, and have recently added wheat back into my diet. I seriously don't get why people think gluten free is better in the absence of coeliac/an allergy. It's lower in fibre and protein than wheat flour, more expensive, and can cause no end of problems for social occasions. Of course that's the whole problem really - most people don't care that it's not all that healthy, they just want an excuse not to eat!

I Hate to Weight said...

i've done the online thing (e-harmony) and just found it a little difficult. it seems easier when you meet the person on your own first.

i hope your school-mate continues to show promise.

p.s. i don't really think it's a great idea to reveal everything on the first date. first dates are meant to me lighter, i think. there's PLENTY of time for the baggage.

ahhhhh, dating

Cammy said...

Hmm, sorry this didn't work out but it sounds like you were smart to take the warning signs seriously. I agree that the thing with not having a card on him sounds pretty sketchy, and if he was willing to admit to not being fully recovered from drugs etc on a first date, who knows what you would have uncovered as time went on.

I know it's frustrating to go through so many first dates that don't lead anywhere...but hang in there! You have a lot to offer and it just might take a while to find someone worthy, in my opinion. ;) Interested to hear if things develop with this guy at work!