Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Following your gut instincts

A few weeks ago, I posted about a new match guy, the amusement park guy, who revealed a lot early on. I had reservations about him and both my gut instincts and deductive reasoning proved right in this instance. It's not even about being right, but rather that I'm following my gut instinct which tells me he is not dating material at this time. Essentially, he is not over his ex-wife.

Yesterday, I sent him an e-mail just asking how his weekend was, how his son's birthday party was, etc. I am tempted to post the whole e-mail but will instead post only part of it and fill in the gaps.

I should have given up hope long, long ago and I am torturing myself emotionally hoping and praying that she will change...she refused to have dinner with [son] and me on his actual birthday to have "boundaries" with me. I cooked, cleaned, worked, paid bills, shopped, bought her flowers, and adored her...She knows that I never stopped loving her and I begged time and time again for reconciliation... And I would do anything in the world to have my family back, to have her back to the way she was...I cry about it a lot. I keep praying that she'll come back to me.
I think it is very apparent that he is not over his ex-wife at all and seems like he needs some counseling. I feel for the guy. They were together for 12 or so years, and then she changed or something, and decided she wasn't in love with him anymore. However, he is still in love with her. I guess I'm wondering why he went on a dating site if he was clearly not ready to move on. People are sympathetic, and I am highly so, however, if you are on a dating site, the idea is to get back on the bandwagon. Most women I know do not want to hear how you long for your ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, etc. who has obviously moved on in this case.

It is no doubt we all come with our baggage (I have another post on that), but seriously, this is just too much. I'm in no doubt the type of person who solely wants someone's attention, but I most definitely do not want to be competing with an ex. So I'm not sure where to leave this one. Friends, acquaintances? It's a bit too bad, because he does have some nice qualities, but I'm not willing to wait for him to get over his ex-wife either. Hate to put it this way, but next.


I Hate to Weight said...

EXACTLY. next. follow those instincts.

he needs a therapist, a sister, a friend, but not a woman he just met and one he met on a dating site.

just my opinion, but you don't want to be part of that.

and he won't be getting over her any time soon, i strongly believe.

great, good luck finding someone lovely AND available.

licketysplit said...

Online dating is rough! I definitely feel for you. Surprisingly I have met a large amount of men who think they are ready for a relationship after a recent divorce/break-up and are OBVIOUSLY not. I have gotten to a point where I won't even consider dating a guy unless he has been divorced for at least a year, because it just takes time to heal from that, no matter how ready they may think they are. And it often takes longer than that.
I definitely agree with you- this guy does need help, but I don't think you're the one for the job. That isn't fair to you. Good luck, girl! I have 2 first dates lined up this week. I can't wait until I don't have to go on any more first dates!

Louise said...

Yip... you are definitely not in the position to be supporting this guy. Look after yourself now. Good luck with the online dating, maybe what was said above... make sure they have been divorced for a set length of time maybe if thats a factor.


Sarah @ Bearing, Eating, Being said...

I Hate to Weight said it perfectly (per usual.) Next!

Doesn't it feel good to actually know that your instincts can be trusted?

Missy said...

Run. Don't walk.
He will probably still want to be freinds so he can talk about his ex.

Tiptoe said...

Thanks everyone for the validation! It was especially evident in a follow up e-mail where he said he is saddened by every woman he meets, because it is not his ex-wife.

Licketysplit, good luck with the first dates this week. Hope they go well!