Monday, March 21, 2011

It's good to reveal a lot early on, right?

I'm not sure how much people are keeping up with my love life, but I'm going to go ahead and post anyway about a recent match. There are actually two, but I've only met one in person.

We had a second date this weekend. Just a simple dinner at a local Chinese restaurant. Here's what he has expressed to me:

On mental health:
I: I have anxiety and am on medication.

Me: Well, that's okay. We all have our own issues.

On dogs:
I: I have anxiety about dogs, especially large ones. I'm okay with puppies and small dogs.

Me: Oh, I'm sorry, I did not know that. Many people have anxiety about dogs. Were you ever bitten as a child? (I ask because many are)

I: No, but I was close to it.
Needless to say, talking about dog bites didn't go over so well. And I kind of find it ironic that he is okay with small dogs, because statistically speaking, they have the most bites. It's just that they often go unreported. I have heard of a yorkie biting a hand that required, stitches, surgery, and physical therapy.

On the types of women he likes:
I: I never would have said I had a certain type of woman I liked/was attracted to. But then, after my divorce (I think he has been divorced a year or so), I realized I was attracted to Asian women. (his ex-wife is Japanese) I guess it's like not knowing what you have until you lose it. (btw, he was not the one to file for divorce) So, I tend to choose women who look like my ex-wife.

Me: Well, it kind of makes sense. You were with her for a long time.
Really, in the back of my head, I was wondering, does this mean he chooses women who are Asian because his ex-wife was Asian. Or does this mean he chooses women who specifically look like his ex-wife?

I: But the weird thing is, if I was dating a Caucasian woman, I would want her to be big.

Me: Maybe that's the Italian in you.

I:Yes, it could be. Italian men like their women to be large.
I found this a bit strange, but I guess could make sense. It raises an interesting point about ethnicity.

On body image:
I: I worry about my weight.

Me: Why?

I: Because both my parents and sibling are obese. I'm afraid of becoming that way.

Me: Well, I don't think you have that much to worry about. You are a small guy.
He's like 5'5 and something like 145-150 lbs, so not big at all for a guy!

We talked about some other things too, these were just the ones that stuck out to me. Though it's not like I look for what is wrong about a date, but certain red flags do pop up. It is good to reveal some of this stuff early on, but at the same time too, you don't want them to be turns off though either. Obviously, the dog issue is good that it came up so early since I have 3 large dogs but was surprised about bringing up the anxiety and body image issue. Hmm, I guess, I'll just have to see where this goes.


Louise said...

I think its cool that he is so open so soon, but for me that is maybe a bit too soon (just my personal opinion). If I was on a first date, I would not reveal certain things about myself straight away, I would need to build up some trust first.

It seems that he's very honest and at least he doesn't seem to be hiding anything.

Missy said...

I've learned never to ignore red flags.
Don't "convince" yourself to like him, you know?

But yes...see what happens.

ola said...

Wow, it is A LOT of personal informations! For me, it would be probably bit too much, but maybe he just felt safe in your conversation and he sounds sensitive. And if he overcomes his fear of big dogs because of you, it will be a very good sign;) fingers crossed

Sensory Overload said...

I say trust whatever your gut tells you.

For me, I like to be up front and honest, but know that I prefer to build with a pace. That said; if you feel comfortable with him, there is always a chance to explore more. If it turns out not to be something that does not feel right for you, then you can look at it as part of the process of getting to know another.

Red flags to me are subjective. So if you want to continue getting to know him beyond what he has shared, give it a go. If it seems that it is not something that fits you can take what you learned and proceed on.

I hope whatever direction it goes, you trust yourself and allow yourself the opportunities.

Be well.


Tiptoe said...

Thanks for your replies all. There are lots of ways to look at this. I guess for me on a personal level, I just don't reveal quite that much per se. I tend to reveal a lot more about the person who I am--the type I am, etc.

I'll have to see if this lifts itself on the ground or not. It's still early, and I do like to give relationships some sort of chance. So we shall see what happens.