Thursday, April 7, 2011

Sad random thoughts

Every so often, I do a google search on a specific name. It is the name of the veterinarian at UMN who treated Baxter in his gene therapy trial. Truly, I am interested in this study (not a stalker by any means), and it sounds like things have taken off as there is now human recruitment beginning for a human protocol. It is exciting since gliomas are devastating in both the human and canine populations.

Besides her name, usually there are also pet owners who start blogs, write articles, etc. about their beloved animals and their journey through this study process--surgery, gene therapy, vaccine therapy. The stories are all happy, hopeful, grateful, remarkable stories of how well their dogs are doing. Then, there becomes a dichotomous feeling of both elation that the trials have been successful, but also still a tremendously sad feeling, knowing my dog didn't make it at all. And really seemed like he wasn't even given a chance as he passed away a month and 4 days after his surgery.

Sometimes, I ask myself why I even do the search if I am only left feeling sad afterwards. It's not an often occurrence, and I do think about e-mailing the veterinarian and will likely do so soon anyway. By some bizarre reason, my father keeps thinking she might have a job for me. I seriously have no idea where he gets this. Plus, she is in MN where it is ever so cold with horrible, brutal winters, and I'm in no position to move either.

Anyway, this was just some random thought today. I still need to do Baxter's video. It's on my eversogrowing list of things to do.


I Hate to Weight said...

that is sad. Baxter sounds like such a wonderful guy. i'm so sorry he didn't make it.

how are your other four-legged family members? how long have you had Tovah now? i'd imagine she's fairly big now?

take care, tiptoe. loss is so very difficult

ola said...

wow, it is sad and coincidental for me- I am doing my rotation in cardiology and on Tuesday I've talked with one doctor about TAVI, special procedure of implanting artefical valve trough aorta without open operation which is suitable fr old peole with high intraoperative risk. My Granny died because of aortal stenosis just couple of months before the first TAVI was made in my country. It was both exciting and somehow "useless" because it won't help my Grandmother anymore:( So I think I can relate to wht you are feeling.
Although this feeling of uselessness it is great that Baxter has had probably the best care you/the vet can give him!