p90x

******Trigger Warning******

I do not ever try to write triggering posts, but feel the need to put this up just in case as it talks about a specific exercise program.

Recently, I was talking to my veterinarian. It's a bit funny, because she is not one to really talk on the phone unless she has to. However, when it comes to texting, she invariably will text back right away. The conversation was originally about work, then her dog, and then it rerouted to exercising after I asked whether she was/is a runner, something my boss had told me awhile back. I was quite honestly looking for a running buddy. (Right now, it is just Tovah) But she hasn't run in about 3 years and didn't sound like she was going to start right now. However, she asked if I was interested in doing a p90x program with her and another woman from the vet clinic.

I was unfamiliar with this program, though it sounded strangely familiar. I did a quick google search, and yep, it's one of those ones I've seen advertised. Of course, I had to ask people whether they had used this program or knew other people who did. Surprisingly, my dad knew about the program, because one of his friends who is a Navy Seal said they are using that program to get the Navy Seals fit. If you've ever watched the rigorous workouts Navy Seals have to endure, you know they have to be in top physical shape.

In essence, this is a pretty intense workout. You can look at the link above to get a better idea. There is a nutritional component to the program, but I know for sure now I would not be following that but my own anyway.

I'm sure people have a variety of reasons to do this program. Some want to get in better shape, maybe lose baby weight if they recently had a baby (my vet), others want the ultimate beach body, while others may do the program for unhealthy reasons-to indulge their exercising compulsions.

So where do I fit into this list? Well, if I am completely HONEST with myself, it would fall into getting in better shape and probably some exercise compulsion thrown in. If you've been reading this blog, you may be thinking this may not be the best idea since I have some minor injuries and am in physical therapy once again (a whopping 10 exercises to do 1-2x/day--I've been compliant) This has been the same mantra that some of my dear ED recovery buddies have also expressed.

But, and I'm throwing this in as a just for the record, I'm not underweight, eating has been stable (I did have a few weeks of not eating optimally but got myself back on track), and my exercise is limited to 1-2x/week of running at a snail's pace. Also, I do not own the p90x program and will only find out details next week from my vet next week. My vet also knows nothing about my history with ED.

I'm not trying to justify myself here. I was thinking about this more yesterday, and I think the bigger drive here is the feeling of success and accomplishment. When I was training for my marathons a few years ago, there was such a feeling of accomplishment in running faster, beating my time, running up steep hills entirely with no walking, running for long periods of time, etc. I do admit for awhile there was a thinking of being able to run on limited calories, but I quickly learned, I'd hit the inevitable "wall" if I did not eat enough. If you've never hit the "wall," it is an awful feeling of lightedheadness, fatigue, exhaustion, like you're going to fall down, maybe like you're going to vomit, etc. all due to glucose depletion!

Right now in my life, I'm just not feeling like I'm accomplishing anything. Work, well, some of you know about that, is just not going well. When I'm working with dogs and their clients on behavioral issues, socialization, certain tricks or tasks, etc., there has always been a feeling of accomplishment and reward. But right now, I am not working with clients at all.

Although I'm working with dogs in daycare to a degree, mostly on impulse control exercises, learning to be quiet at various noises, learning to go to a mat, to go in their stainless steel kennels at naptime, and basic obedience, it just isn't feeling very rewarding. Perhaps, it is because I feel like I receive no acknowledgement of my efforts. Maybe I feel like I really don't see as many changes as I'd like. One example is with a dog where it took 5 1/2 months to get her to finally go into a kennel at naptime and that was because I started not giving her an option--no force involved just that the only way out was to go into the crate/kennel. It was wonderful when she did it and now she goes in without any problems. I had wanted to share the elated news with the dog's mom, but since I have no client interaction was unable to. And now if I did, I would be horribly reprimanded and punished for it--long story on that. So I'm now left with working with several other dogs who have the same issue but have no clue what their owners are doing at home if anything.

I'm also feeling like a janitor too more than a dog trainer as there just always seem to be an enormous amount of cleaning I do everyday with little to no help.

So going back to the p90x question. Will I do this? I don't know, though I'm quite intrigued with it. I think the bigger question to ask myself is can I hold myself accountable to stop if this is too much? Are the reasons really valid enough to do the program?