Thursday, February 24, 2011

Productivity and updates

I have to admit, it is weird not working. I was so used to a routine schedule of waking up between 5-5:30am and coming home between 6:30-7pm every day. Being a structured, routine person I am, it is tough to have all this free time. But, I feel like I've put it to good use so far. My revised resume is completed and visible to employers. I got in touch with all the necessary people I needed to amend bank stuff, bought some pair of black socks for interviews (my mom informed me it would look tacky to wear white socks with black shoes), a friend of mine agreed), returned and mailed any items from old workplace, learned exactly what I can and cannot do, in regards to future employment, received some good advice (never sign any contracts/agreements prior to working), and had a great dinner with a friend, capped with a brownie dessert and ice cream which did not end in any guilty thinking.

Now, it's a waiting game. And that's the hard part. I always have some fear that no one is going to look at my resume, despite my credentials.

In some ways, having this time off is good, because all those things I have put off like cleaning, organizing, taxes, going through boxes (yes I still have some from when I moved over a year ago), getting my hair cut, writing letters, working on Baxter's memorial video, reading my stack of books/magazines, watching my stack of dog dvds, etc., I now finally have the time to do. There's even a possibility I may be going to FL in a few weeks to visit friends.

Here's the thing, though I try to stay optimistic about things, there are still a lot of times I feel down or try to wrap my head around things. This often times gets my father upset, because he feels like I'm just obsessing (I have a post related to that soon). To me, it is my way to try to make sense of things, vent, or whatever. Because for me, what it boils down to is just another loss--a loss of a job and workplace that had so much potential (I guess it still has the potential, just without me), a loss of friendship, a loss of trust. The latter two hurt the most and is likely irreparable.

Truly, I know time is really the only thing that will help. The more you can distance (not avoid per se) yourself from whatever harmful incident has happened, the better you can learn, move on, and heal. But still, it all takes time, time that is different for everyone.

p.s. If you have not entered the gift code giveaway, you still have time until 11pm EST tonight. I forgot to mention it in the original post, but it is for $50. All you have to do is leave a comment on one way you are taking care of yourself. Good luck!

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