This is inevitably a difficult post for me to write. If any of you have been keeping track of the work saga, it has now come to an end. I am no longer an employee there. It wasn't exactly on my terms, but I certainly know now that this was coming. Some of you know more in-depth details about all that occurred from late October through now, and in retrospect, I know this was essentially to drive me out.
Yesterday was full of many tears. Today hasn't been too bad. I know I just need to move forward as dwelling about the whys and the logic is futile when there is none. I know that in the end, this is likely for the best. But still, I am hurt, sad and angry over it. More angry about how things happened--could have happened differently and sad and hurt because a friendship has been completely ruined.
There have been lessons learned which I now know not to repeat. I think the biggest one is realizing how people really are when you actually work with them. Perhaps, I'm a bit too forgiving and give way too much of the benefit of the doubt. But I like to try to see the good in all people even when there may be little.
It's hard for me to not think of myself as some horrible person, though I of course know deep in my heart, I am the farthest thing from that possible. Not that I am perfect by any means, none of us are.
So as this week goes by, I will try to pick up the pieces, start anew, and venture to see what is out there. Maybe in some awful way this is a blessing in disguise.
When I was younger, I used to dream about being able to make a mark in this world somehow, some kind of difference. For the last number of years, I've really struggled with what this is, what my sense of purpose truly is. Maybe it really isn't dogs like I thought, maybe it is something else completely. Fear has stood in my way for many years, and it still does. But at the same time, I know I must try to move past that and once again enter a new chapter in my life like I did a little over a year ago. Sometimes, it is hard to take that leap of faith until you are forced to. But here I am and forced to.
I know I will get by. Right now is tough and it may be for awhile. Hopefully, I can focus my energies in positive ways and find something that will make me happy.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me. I appreciate it all. I don't know what I would have done without my parents and friends (both personal and virtual). You are all LOVED.