Thursday, April 1, 2010

Dating frustrations

I thought I'd update everyone on the status of the whole oh relationship dating thing. One word: frustration! It seems matchguy 1 and coffee and scrabble guy have petered out with just one or two dates. No explanation on either end. I do occasionally hear from coffee and scrabble guy on facebook or in an absurdly bizarre text late at night, but match guy 1 hasn't contacted me in close to a month, so I'm guessing he has moved on. It's not the moving on part that I mind, just would have liked to get some notification that I've been rejected (okay maybe that's harsh) rather than my mind wondering.

It's made me kind of skeptical lately. I know it's been a fairly short amount of time on the dating scene, but I just keep wondering what I'm doing wrong or why I can't read these guys better. For example, I was on a date tonight with a new match guy (I'm calling him tennis guy for now), and it seemed to go well overall. He seems like a casual, laid back type of fella. But when everyone has ended the date with "I had a really good time," what am I to think? Is that line just the new formal thing to say these days even if you've had a crappy time?

I guess my feeling is this: if you go on one date, and you know right away, you two don't click, then just say that and move on. But if you think possibly there is something there, then go on a few more dates to see how it goes. Don't these guys know the 3 date rule?? Okay, I made that up, but I do have a 3 therapy visit rule when finding a therapist, so I think dating is kind of similar. Hey, maybe that should be its own post--how therapy finding is like dating. LOL

Anyway, I've also become a bit skeptical about e-mail, something I used to always insist on first. My experience with everyone on e-mail is that they all seem like cool guys with interesting stuff to say, but then they don't leave that same kind of "cool" expression per se in real time visiting. And that really does seem like the only sure-fire true way of actually seeing how someone is.

But I still continue on anyway in hopes of maybe finding a close to "Mr. Right" or something of that nature. On that note, I may be going on another date on Sunday with ecology guy. Again, no hopes really but we'll see. I think part of my problem is that when it comes to these situations, I'm still a bit of a hopeless romantic daydreamer. :sigh:


Finding Melissa said...

Completely relate to this post! Have just had a guy 1 and dance guy scenario that turned out similarly, and am still trying to figure out how it all works!

Similarly, I am also determined to hold onto my fairytale romance for a little longer; as life has proved to be pretty unpredictable, so I might as well hope!

Good luck in finding Mr Right!

Rachel said...

I was about ready to yank my personals profile off when Brandon messaged me and we began chatting. Like you, I was just frustrated that I didn't seem to be meeting anyone with whom I clicked. And talk about reading people... Brandon's first message to me had the subject line of "Sunshine and happiness," which I found kind of eye-rolling and I almost didn't even respond back (I did reply, but very dismissively). I found out later that that was just Brandon's cynicism and sarcastic humor at play, because he is far from Mr. Sunshine and Happiness!

How long are you chatting with these guys online before you meet them? Brandon and I chatted online for nearly a month before I finally (and reluctantly) agreed to meet in person. Even still, it was kind of awkward, but at least we had stuff to talk about to avoid long uncomfortable silences.

I dunno what to tell you... I like to think that I won the husband lottery, but of all our 5-6 sets of couples friends, only one couple didn't meet online, so I can't just be among the lucky few out there who found love online. Chemistry is a fickle thing. I'm sorry it hasn't worked out so far for you, but as an avowed online personals advocate, I encourage you to keep trying.

Tiptoe said...

Melissa, thanks for understanding. I hope we can both find Mr. Right! We just have to keep trying.

Rachel, Yeah, I remember you met Brandon online. It's good to know that your other friends found their partners online.

As for how long I e-mail, it depends. With some it has been for a month or longer, others not long at all--just kind of depends. Some are into e-mailing but others are not.

I know I just probably need to be more patient. I am trying to remind myself not to fall into the whole "what is wrong with me" thinking. I'll keep at it and see how it goes and give progress reports.

Sarah said...

I think it's great that you continue to get yourself out there and try even when it seems frustrating. It would be a lot easier to bury your head and give up.

My best friend B met a GREAT guy online about 5 months ago from her home state. She is flying home to meet him next week for the first time. She's been on eharmony for 1.5 years and hadn't had great chemistry with the guys she met until this one. Like Rachel said, just keep putting yourself out there. Even if you wind up meeting Mr. Right in a more "natural" setting vs the construct of online dating, you will at least have been filling your time with dates that were hopefully fun and meeting some new people--neither are bad things. I know it's easy for me to say though :/ I'm sorry it's been frustrating!

The Binge Diary said...

I'm considering joining match but I have also been unlucky on another dating website. It is SO hard. Keep us updated and let us know what happens with these guys!