Carrie's post and commentary of her encounter at Whole Foods reminded me or I should say made me think about my food beliefs a bit.
Back in October, I went to a large dog conference. Though I tend to do horribly eating at conferences, I did manage to socialize and eat dinner every night. I remember on the night before the conference ended, a big group of us--10 or 11 people went to the Old Spaghetti Factory. I'd never been here, but everyone said how good it was.
I remember ordering some angel hair pasta with mushrooms over a marinara sauce. L., a woman who I had dinner with almost every night and who I knew from past conferences, sat beside me. After the orders were taken, I remember leaning over toward her and saying something to the effects of, "I'm surprised they don't have whole wheat pasta. Normally, that's what I would have eaten."
Her reply to me was "that's because you are a health nut."
Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Maybe it's just a convenient way to mask the eating disorder. I'm sure many of us are used to that. The thing is, however, I question how much my thinking has come to the point of becoming ingrained. How much is changeable?
Example: if I'm choosing between a white baguette and a multigrain one, I always choose the latter. I tell my self it is healthier, has more nutrients than the white, therefore, I should only eat that one. This is true, but it's the point that I really don't allow myself to eat the one that is less nutritionally valued.
I do this with other items too--white potato versus sweet potato, lowfat yogurt versus nonfat Greek yogurt, iceberg lettuce versus romaine lettuce, green pepper versus red pepper, white flour versus wheat flour (in the dogs' case, it would be wheat flour versus oat or white/brown rice flour), whole wheat pasta versus regular pasta, and you see the drift here. My choices wind up becoming based on what is nutritionally "better, more dense" than for purely what I may want or what has more taste.
This is what we are all told, right? We should choose foods that are nutritionally dense, balanced, just simply healthier for you. So when you're in recovery, trying to unhinge that mindset a bit, how much can you change really? How much becomes almost instinctual by now?
This is not to say that I don't eat some foods that have the item I would normally not choose (example I'm an animal cracker addict), it's just when push comes to shove, I'll go with the item with more nutrients. I'm certainly not trying to knock people who choose healthier options for health reasons, but when does it become about choice versus instinct? Right now, I'm grappling with that question and trying to figure out a balance somewhere.