Yogurt buying obsession

A Friday confessional:

I have this yogurt buying obsession as detailed by the picture below.

See, I don't buy yogurt that often really but when it is on sale, like a 5/$5 or sometimes the yogurt will be half price due to it expiring that day or the next, I find myself buying a lot of them. I think I bought like 10 or 11 within the past two days. Who can pass up $.49 yogurt?

Seen in the picture is basically 19 days worth of yogurt if I ate one a day. That's always my intention, but for some reason, I just don't necessarily get there. Some of these yogurts have actually expired or about to expire. Four of the yogurts were from when my mom and her husband visited (he decided to buy 6 yogurts the day before they were leaving and only ate 2). I've learned from past history that with yogurt, unlike milk,it can go past the expiration date and still be okay.

The thing is that I do like yogurt, so I don't know what my problem is in leaving it there for months at a time to think about eating. Yogurt does not hold some negative value either, so it just seems weird why I do this. I do not seem to do this with too many other items of food I buy. It almost seems similar to hoarding. :-/

Thoughts? Rationales? Similar experiences?

Detoxing

Monday was an ironic day. I finished up the bartending school and passed the final exams. I was really happy with myself and excited to call my parents and let them know. I also wanted to let my neighbor B. know, except that she told me her news first. She decided to go into rehab for her drinking problem. (I discussed this in a post here)

This surprised me, but I was also quite proud of her for taking this additional step. The day before we were chatting about her and her family's trip to New York. There were some interesting stories like almost losing one of her sons to the Canadian border while they were visiting the Niagra Falls. She had told me that she knew she needed to stop drinking and that when her dad's inheritance estate was finalized, and there was more money, she would go.

That Monday morning, her hands began shaking, and she needed a beer. I guess for whatever reason, it clicked with her. She called her sponsor who was thrilled with her decision, and then basically said she should just have all the beer she wanted that night, because she never would again.

B. asked me to come over and hang out. I did hang out with her from like 8:30pm - 1:30am. It was a long night and by midnight, I was asking her if she planned on going to bed soon. But at the same time, I knew she was more nervous than she let on about going.

We chatted quite a bit. It was essentially the same conversation we had almost a year ago when we had talked about this. I think during this time, she slowly got worse. She's lost a bit of weight substituting beer for food. Her memory has also been affected. I watched last night as the more she drank, the more forgetful she would become, telling me the same story over and over. Then, I'd see her stagger to find wood for the fire pit. It was difficult to watch.

When I asked her what made her decide to go to rehab now, she said she wasn't sure other than she knew she needed to go. For many people around her, with the exception of her family, most did not realize she had that big of a problem, simply because she is a functional alcoholic. She has not had some of the typical losses an addict might have--a career (she did lose her job but that was not through fault of drinking--it became a reason later however to drink later), a house, going into debt, etc. I told her that some people do not hit a rock bottom, but that they simply get to a point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Her eyes lit up with a "yes, that is exactly it."

During the past year, she has continued to go to AA meetings, but it was obvious, this was not enough and she needed a higher level of care. I think part of the problem too was that she saw a lot more people worse than her, so it undermined the what the severity of the problem though she knew she had one.

Although I do not completely agree with the entire AA philosophy, I've always felt that everyone has to do whatever feels right and will suit them for treatment. For her, she feels she has just not surrendered herself to God/a higher power. Personally, I think it is a lot more than that, but if that is what she needs/believes, then certainly, it can be helpful.

She will be in an inpatient program detoxing for 10 days, though she could be there for 30 days. I'm hoping she will take the 30 days, so she can at least begin some therapy. She's had limited experience with any kind of therapy for herself other than a psychiatrist who didn't even think she needed rehab at all.

B. said she was kind of excited to be going (she left yesterday morning), because she was finally doing something for herself. Like many, she fell into the caretaker role. There's also a lot of low self-esteem issues too. Though I do not know everything that goes on behind closed doors, I can see how she would have come to feel that way. Words hurt.

So how does her family feel? Actually, they are thrilled she is going. However, I get the sense from them that they want her to change but are unwilling to change themselves. Perhaps, this will be an incentive for them as I do not think they want to watch their mother continually get worse. Or maybe by them hearing it from someone else, that will make a difference. All I can do is hope.

I hope for B. this will be the step she needs to kick this for good. On the down side, I think there is a chronic depression, unresolved past issues, low self-esteem, communication issues, etc. But on the up side, there is no denial of a problem, there is motivation to get better, a yearning to be able to feel emotions again, and a belief system.

Though I consider myself to be more in a sense spiritual than religious, I do pray for people. And I pray for B. she can get through this, that she can learn to love and accept herself, and mostly to begin to heal. Recovery doesn't happen overnight, it is a process--one that can be long and difficult but in the end, for the better.

Lastly, I have to say it feels a bit odd being on this side of the fence. It wasn't like I didn't know this before, but it is weird, it's like knowing something beforehand than someone else--knowing there is an ability to come out on the other side. I did point out to B. I tell her these things not because I am wise beyond my years but rather through experience. I did not go into specific details nor talk about my ED, more depression, having a short stint in an inpatient unit in my teens, being a bit suicidal, etc. I don't know how much she will remember of what I said, but I hope there is some part she can hold onto.

p.s.--There was one thing that astounded me--how she had no qualms with her insurance company and they accepted her to go the very next day. I was floored honestly. And her insurance isn't that great. It just reminded me how much easier it is for someone with an alcohol problem to get extensive treatment than it is for an eating disorder person. I know it has gotten better overall, but still, I just couldn't believe it, especially with such a fast turn around time for the insurance company making a decision.

Newly licensed

It is official. I am now a licensed bartender, good for all fifty states! Pretty cool, eh? I like to call myself a professional mixologist. It has a nice ring to it.

Yesterday, I took my written final--aced it. Then, I took the nerve-racking speed round test. I was practically shaking when I had to pick up more than one glass at a time and place the drink on the coaster. However, I persevered, making 13 correct drinks (missed one drink because I used the wrong bottle). You needed 12 correct drinks in 8 minutes.

Today, we had pictures for our resumes and went over how the job placement works. One thing that is different compared to many jobs which I've been applying for is, there is less filling out applications online. This means no more hiding behind the computer screen. With bartending, it is actually okay to go to that establishment and try to get a job. In some ways, this can be highly beneficial since they will actually see you in person. Then, you get a chance to shine in a way you may not be able to online. Now, I just have to get past my nerves. Going in person is way scarier to me for this type of job, something that is completely new and different. The nice thing is that the school helps you with finding jobs and such. Plus, I have to say I have a bit of an in with the director since I've been giving him some tips on newly integrating their baby (literally only a week old) and their chihuaha.

So, here's to a new chapter in my life. Dog training or any other job that may be suitable is certainly not out of the question, it's just may not be on a full time basis. I'll post how things progress. I do think if I find the right establishment, it could be a very interesting gig.

p.s.--the guy with the record number of drinks made in the speed round test is 38! He was able to hold 3 bottles in one hand. He got a job the day after he graduated from someone having seen him do this.

A bunny anniversary

Today marked Clover's first anniversary here! It is hard to believe that a year has passed already. In this year, I've learned about bunny behavior, bunny foods, bunny proofing, inter-mingling prey/predator species together, teaching bunny tricks, and most importantly how much fun it can be to have a bunny. Truly, when I sought after getting a bunny, a lot of it was to do with training a completely different species and an animal that could be more containable than a cat. Well, Miss Clover has proven more than that. She's proven bunnies can be affectionate and in the opposite token pissy at times, that they really are athletic and can jump HIGH, that they really LOVE sugar, that they are trainable and can just as easily wrap their paw around your finger just like a dog or cat, that they understand schedules, that they enjoy enrichment activities, that they will climb on you, using you as stairs to their "house," and much more.

I always tell people who are interested in getting bunnies that they are high maintenance animals. They require work just like dogs. But are they worth it? You bet! They may not show the same kind of affection like a dog or cat would, but they have their own way--it's more subtle. It is such a wonderful feeling stroking Clover's cheek, one of her favorite places to be petted, and seeing her little eyes shut and her ears relaxed. There have been times I've fallen asleep in her room by her "house," having petted her. At times, she has literally come over and lied right beside me, closing her eyes herself. It is such a sweet moment.

Here's a photo of Clover with a hat on. I know this should have been a Happy Anniversary hat but I only had Happy Birthday ones. She allowed the hat to stay on long enough for a few photos. Did I say she loves treats? Umm yeah. She got a few more animal crackers today, one of her favorites (Baxter's too)

Happy Anniversary Clover! Mommy loves you and is happy you came into her life.

Now, if we could just teach you to clean up your room.

"Bar" times

It is hard to believe it has already been two weeks, and I'll be graduating from the bartending school soon. I counted how many recipes I've had to learn during this time. It is 104 that we had to know, and an additional 74 that go into our recipe file box. These drinks aren't as popular around here, so we didn't have to know them for memorization.

On Monday, I'll take my written final. Then, depending on how I feel, I may or may not take the speed round test. I think I wrote it wrong in the last post I talked about it. It is 12 drinks in 8 minutes. I practiced a good bit yesterday and had someone time me. I was right at 12 when the buzzer went off, having had a glass in my hand. The rule is as long as you have a glass or bottle in your hand when the time runs out, you are allowed to finish the drink. Seriously, it is nerve racking! There are no more open bars (practice times) for this weekend either.

Once the speed round test is over and provided you pass everything, then they will help you with job placement which will be helpful. Though I think bartending can definitely be a good job, I am so worried about being in the real world of it. I know it i just like starting anything new, but still, there is a lot involved.

So I mentioned in my last post about this guy (A--I'm only giving him an initial since there are multiple people I'll be mentioning) there. I don't know too much about him other than his age, that he used to work in corporate America as a business developer, that he is into rock climbing, likes animals, used to drink but doesn't now, has nice handwriting, and is apparently a smoothie drinker. The last two things are what started our conversations--me noticing he had nice handwriting for a guy. Then, we began talking about other things, including what we ate for breakfast. He said he has smoothies every morning, and I said (jokingly of course) that he did not look like a smoothie drinker. Since then, he still says that phrase to me with a bit of a smirk.

Then, today, we (me, A., and another girl who is also graduating next week) had the most funny laugh. Another guy at the school (he was a week ahead of us) apparently has been texting A. He and A. had talked briefly, because they were wanting to work at the same place. A. gave this other guy his number. Well, this other guy texted A. 42 times yesterday, asking questions very typical of what a girl or someone wanting to be in a relationship might ask. A. was really surprised by this, because he does not know this guy from adam.

So we are not sure of this guy's intention, so A. thought about putting his arm around me when he came in today. LOL The guy never came in today, but still, it was really a funny moment. Actually, the other scenario I thought of was giving A. my number on a piece of paper while this guy walked in. I figured it would have killed two birds with one stone.

I'll see how Monday goes and at least let him know that I'd like to go rock climbing some time. I've learned to not hold my breath with these things, but at the same time you never really know.

First date number whatever

Last weekend, I went on a date with a new Match guy. For those following my date saga, you'll soon learn I have not had much success in general. Seriously, it begins to make me wonder WTF is wrong with me?

I was actually optimistic about this guy. We had spoken a few times on the phone for almost an hour each time. This guy seemed to be my type--smart, funny, into medical sciences, nature, hiking, etc. Originally, we had planned on dinner and maybe hiking or to go walking where there would be pretty flowers. A few days before the weekend, he stubbed his toe. It wasn't broken but likely bruised badly.

The day after he told me this news, I received a coupon from groupon for miniature golfing locally. I thought this would be a great alternative. We could chat, and he wouldn't have to walk that much. He seemed game for the idea as well.

We agreed to meet at the miniature golf place. There was some confusion over the coupon, and apparently, groupon did not write the description as specific as it should have, but needless to say we could play 2 rounds if we wanted. We wound up only playing one since it was so hot, and we were both hungry.

It was interesting, because my first impression of him was that he was a bit effeminate, nothing flamboyant, just not necessarily the manly type. And that was okay, it just threw me for a surprise.

The miniature golfing was mostly chit chatting, asking each other questions. I figured at dinner would be a better time to really talk and get to know him. There was a Korean BBq and sushi place nearby, so we decided to go there. These are the places where you cook your own food at the table.

The dinner itself was scrumptious. I could live off all the little Korean dishes they had there! Talking was going fairly well overall, and then it got weird. I asked him just to tell me about his life experiences. He had already discussed his background, so now he moved onto high school and beyond. Apparently, during high school, he got into a lot of partying which extended well past his teen/young adult years. He said his partying got very out of control, like the control of losing several jobs. He finally got clean, began recovery, went to college as a non-traditional student, relapsed, but is now clean again. Currently, he is in a graduate program studying Bioinformatics which is actually quite an interesting field.

After hearing this, I did specifically ask if he was in recovery or recovered. He said the former. This always leaves for weird conversation. In some ways, this would have been a good time for me to pipe up and say, "oh yeah, I get the recovery thing, because I'm in recovery from my ED." But somehow, it just felt too awkward. I just said my famous lines of "well, we all have our issues. I'm glad that you are getting through yours, etc." I did tell him about my depression in high school and beyond, but that was about it.

The rest of the conversation just well didn't flow that well. I'd try to become humorous, tell a story, etc., but it didn't fly. Then, it got weird with the check. I had actually forgotten how expensive Korean BBQ places are and normally would not have suggested it at all. This restaurant was close and Asian. My date only had cash with him and not enough. I think he felt badly asking me to pick up the tab, and I felt slightly miffed to say the least since I paid for the mini golf (I didn't mind since that was my idea anyway). I guess it surprised me he didn't have his credit/debit card with him? Doesn't everyone have at least one card these days? I have no problem going "dutch," but am maybe a little traditional on first dates and do kind of expect the guy to pay for coffee, dinner, or lunch.

Anyway, I paid the check, he gave me his cash. I should have left after this, but he wanted to do something else. Since it was already 5pm, and all the events around the area were over, we decided to go to the mall and walk around. That seemed so lame honestly, so high schoolish or something. We walked for an additional hour or so, and then I really did need to go. I think the only reason why I went was because I felt badly to just leaving abruptly. I've certainly had that happen to me, and it is not a great feeling.

Thinking more about this date, I don't think it was so much the in recovery thing. I do get that honestly. I think it was the lack of maturity--everything from dress to his likes. But at the same time too, he was a bit of a thinker, like he'd get lost in thought suddenly. There was one other thing that really bothered me. He said how he isn't much of an exerciser (okay not a problem there), but that because he was not very active, he was basically eliminating flour and sugar. Maybe it's just my history with food or something, but it just drives me crazy these days when people are cutting out entire products. The current craze is wheat gluten. I certainly understand if you have an actual disease like Celiac and wheat gluten needs to be avoided, but otherwise, it isn't something that needs to be eliminated completely, maybe moderated at times just like anything else.

Needless to say, this guy just isn't dating material. It is too bad, because I was really excited to get to meet him. Now, I must give him kudos for one thing he said to me which was "I'm glad I got a chance to meet you. You're more beautiful in person than online." (No, he did not mean I was un-beautiful online now did I take it that way) Unfortunately, that statement was just not enough to cut it.

Until my next first date I guess. But I must say, there is sort of a prospect in my bartending class. I can't quite figure him out yet. For example, we have to refill our bottles when they are out/low. Both of us had lime juice. He filled his, and when I went to fill mine, nothing came out. I asked him, and he went back, and held the container for me at an angle, so I could refill my bottle. I know this probably means nothing, it's just likely some nice-guy type thing he does. There have been a few other instances too, but I'll have to write that in another post.

p.s. On a side note regarding the whole diet craze of eliminating wheat gluten. I overhead two women talking who were saying they were basically on an all natural diet. no red flags yet. Then, this one woman said how she was eliminating wheat gluten. She was saying how it was in so many products that she even had to change her make up to a gluten-free one. No offense to anyone who has done thing, but it just seemed a little extreme to me.

Bartending 101

First off, thanks for all the support in my last post. I've actually received really good feedback from most people, so that makes me feel more comfortable about it.

I started on Tuesday. From the get go, you are learning drinks and how to make them. The first day was Martinis, Manhattans, and Rob Roys. Yesterday were the Tall drinks. These would be your exotic ones like Sex on the Beaches, Long Island Iced Teas, Hurricanes, Mojitos, etc. Today were the 2 oz Cocktails, Beers, and Wines.

I've found that I've done really well with the written quizzes which essentially means I'm good at memorizing recipes. However, I've found that being behind the bar is a different story. I really have to think about the ingredients, amounts, and the Mnemonic devices. It is NOT easy. Some of the mnemonic devices are funny. For example for one of the Tall drinks, the mnemonic device is: Run Bugs Bunny Go Outside and Pee 151 times. Brownie points for whoever knows this drink.

Also, it is interesting pouring drinks. It's hard not to feel like you want to measure every single ounce to make sure you are exactly right. If you did this, it would jut scream "Rookie," so obviously it is very looked down upon. However, you do learn how to be pretty accurate by counting and pouring. In the practices I've done with free pouring, I have been accurate, so I really should not worry. It is just one of those things I guess. You get better with practice and to have the ability to gauge what the ounce is based on where the liquid is.

Next Monday is basically a mid term--a bit scary!! At the end of two weeks, you have a written final and a practical where you have to pour 8 drinks correctly in 12 minutes. It doesn't sound like a lot, and obviously if you know your stuff, you should be able to hit it out of the ball park. However, I have a feeling nerves will get to me and then all my drink recipes will disappear with only a blank mind. Ugh, that would be awful. But, for now, I'm not focusing on that!

Besides the start of bartending school, my schedule got really hectic. Seriously, I go to class from 10am to 2pm, get back by 2:30pm or so, then am working on projects, doing house stuff (I've left my clean laundry in the basket for 2 weeks now), doing gardening, etc. I tend to not get to working on the bartending stuff until late, like 11pm. I work on it for a few hours, then go to bed and wake up early to study. I'm actually thankful the weekend will be coming up soon, though Saturday is busy with some cadaver training and a date with a new Match guy. This guy seems really cool, so well see.

On top of this, there was a possibility I might be able to go to Search and Rescue camp next week. I tried really hard to get this to work but I just can't get my act together in such short time nor find people to watch the dogs and bunny (both my neighbors are gone all week) I'm really upset about this as it was a great deal financially, lots of training opportunity, and just simply fun. Had I known I did not have to watch my neighbor's dog while was she was out of town (found out Monday), I would have changed my plans significantly. Oh well.

I also got an interesting e-mail today as well which might be a great opportunity, working with dogs in a different capacity. That would be exciting, so we'll see where that goes.

As you can see, it's been busy around here lately. But in a good way. I've had several moments where I've just felt kind of blissful with all the new doors opening. It is quite freeing, inspiring, and an odd feeling to have. In any case, I'm looking at it as good karma maybe making its way around my corner.

Hope everyone is having a good week!