Short races

Yesterday, I ran a local 4th of July race. The race was not far from where my running group typically runs, so I was familiar with the course. Overall, the race went okay. I was trying to better my time from the last 5k race which did happen but not very significantly at all, despite doing some speed work the last month or so.

After finishing this race, I've begun to think that 5ks are just not my race. I think the determining factor is feeling like I'm going to hurl periodically while I'm running. Even at the finish line when the person was handing me a bottle of water, I almost threw up on her which warranted a look from her and asking if I was okay. And truly I was okay.

A few of the running group girls and I met up after the race (they met up before the race and ran over there together and did not wait for me even though I was the one who set it up! No worries though) and were talking about this very thing. One girl agreed that 10ks and 15ks were probably more her race. The interesting thing was that all of us said the exact same thing--that they felt like they were going to hurl or that their stomach felt in knots. I think the difference with me is that I always feel like I am that close to vomiting like when you burp and have that nasty rush of backlog but am able to restrain yourself (sorry if that is TMI) A part of me wonders how much is due to my past with ED and purging. Or, it could possibly be completely unrelated just due to running faster than my normal pace and the weather.

The odd thing is that when I was running a lot 4-5 years ago, I never remember feeling like this, even on long, fast runs. During those times, I was running at all times of day and temperatures. So it just does not make sense to me now why I keep having these incidences. It's quite frustrating, because I'd like to be able to run short races too but without feeling the awful sensation of my body revolting against itself. The other problem is that something that becomes physical can easily turn psychological, especially if there are aversive effects.

It took me a long point to stop self induce vomiting. It's been almost completely 2 years purge-free. After my last conjuctival hemorrhage, I have not since then at ll. I'm to a point where I want to save as many teeth as I can, especially with the lasting effects of years of abuse.

Anyway, I don't have any upcoming 5k races to worry about, just more or less long training runs. I and my body will, however, be happy when it is cool again.