Sleep...it's probably one of the things that I have yet to truly recover from. Since my mid-teens when I learned of the productivity (at least this was how I saw it in my mind) of sleep deprivation, it is something that has afflicted me. Within the last several years, I had gotten better at getting a few more hours of sleep than I used to live off of, however, it's somehow taken a different course the last three or so weeks.
There is no doubt that I am a nightowl for the most part--like going to bed at 12am or later. However, at the same time, I've always had the ability to get up early as well. Sometimes, this was related to dogs getting me up (they have the best alarm clocks!) or I would just wake up. Baxter used to wake me up by 6:30am everyday no matter what. But now that he is gone, there has been no one else to take his place. Basically, they just let me sleep in or Tovah will ring the bells to go out. It is nice no doubt, but the last several weeks, I feel like I've been getting up later and later like 8am or last weekend, it was 9am!
For the most part, I have never been an insomniac. Whenever my head hit the pillow, I was out and just went into nice, blissful sleep. Quite frankly, I enjoyed that. Though the eating disorder did result in me becoming a light sleeper, still, head hit pillow, I was asleep.
As I said the last three weeks or so, my sleep has been incredibly off. In the past, this has only been when I was in restrictive mode. My eating is sufficient on most days, so should not warrant this type of distress.
Now when I go to bed (often it's me saying, okay, I should really go to bed now), I do not seem to go to sleep right away. Likely, it is only a few minutes, but it feels like an eternity. What really gets me is that my sleep has been very distraught. Typically, I do not move a lot in my sleep, and I am now tossing and turning and waking up very frequently. This has resulted in me being more tired in the afternoon/early evening than usual and literally sacking out. I realize this is not the best for sleep later, but seriously, I just crash!
Part of me wonders on a deeper subconscious level how much my lack of work situation is causing this, or whether this is the start of a slow descent into depression (I tend to either go into one extreme of sleep a lot or zero sleep) or possibly both. When you get to this point, it is so much harder to keep any motivation--not that I'm there yet, but some days certainly feel like it.
Anyone else feeling anything similar or have thoughts?
Sleep posts here, here, and here.
5 comments:
I'm sorry to hear your sleep is not so good:(
I have never been an insomniac either, but I've had some dark times of depressions and being awake every morning/night at 4 am just lying in the bed and dreading the comming day is one of the most unpleasant experiences ever:(
I think your work situation has put a lot of stress and doubts in your life and it probably could be a factor. It could be some kind of "risk factor" for some depressive episode or it could be "just" mental exhaustion from all that stress and uncertainty.
I would love to give you some advice, but I don't have any. In sleep medicine, people are usually advice to write a sleep diary (personal and "objective", written by second person) including what thoughts, television/books/work, food and exercise before sleep they were thinking/watching/reading/eating/doing... to see some sleep-disturbing patterns, but I think you are describing your situation very objective.
Hopefully you'll soon find a job and this sleeping problems will disappear!
i have an actual neurological sleep disorder so am very aware how distressing interrupted and jagged sleep can feel.
i really do imagine it is to do with the job stuff and generally stressful head stuff. the higher my stress the less i sleep no matter how hard i try. i used to think of the productivity of it but it's difficult to keep that thought when irritable and tired.
i was told that even the twitchy rest place that isn't asleep and isn't awake gives 80% of the benefits of real sleep so i just move on the best i can.
i am very sound sensitive so summer business and hearing others outside later (and with the loud holiday coming) also pushes the getting to bed time back some.
i hope this resolves for you soon. you might think of charting mood alongside actual hours of sleep so you can do something preventive if you see things sliding awfully.
wishing for you sweet dreams and i'm sooo jealous of the IDEA of one's head hitting the pillow and going out quickly. not my reality.
take care...
i read this post a couple of times (first at work, where i'm often unable to post comments.)
here's what struck me each time. when you said, "My eating is sufficient on most days, so should not warrant this type of distress."
something about "sufficient" and "most days" made me wonder if you're restricting some? just wondering.
i have had insomnia my whole life. i have terrible trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. it's the worst. i cut way down on caffeine and usually take trazedone, which works but does make me kind of drowsy the next day. but it's better than not sleeping at all!
i'm sure the work situation is a big cause of your bad sleep.
i hope things move forward. are you temping at all?
i'm thinking about you.
I agree with all of you that the work situation is a definite factor.
Ola, I should probably try to make a sleep log or something. If I was still seeing my old T., she actually specializes in sleep stuff. But not able to see her right now.
Aze'hn, so sorry that sleep has been so difficult for you. I am glad that you are able to get by, but still a hard situation.
Melissa, I know that sentence seems off, but really I am eating well. There are a few days where I could eat more, but it is not a significant loss. For my sleeping to be very off, I would have to be restricting immensely. And when that has happened in the past, I just stayed awake all night literally.
Right now, I am not temping anywhere, so that can be a bit hard.
I do appreciate everyone's care and support.
Very nice post i really appreciate your work.
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