Sleep...it's probably one of the things that I have yet to truly recover from. Since my mid-teens when I learned of the productivity (at least this was how I saw it in my mind) of sleep deprivation, it is something that has afflicted me. Within the last several years, I had gotten better at getting a few more hours of sleep than I used to live off of, however, it's somehow taken a different course the last three or so weeks.
There is no doubt that I am a nightowl for the most part--like going to bed at 12am or later. However, at the same time, I've always had the ability to get up early as well. Sometimes, this was related to dogs getting me up (they have the best alarm clocks!) or I would just wake up. Baxter used to wake me up by 6:30am everyday no matter what. But now that he is gone, there has been no one else to take his place. Basically, they just let me sleep in or Tovah will ring the bells to go out. It is nice no doubt, but the last several weeks, I feel like I've been getting up later and later like 8am or last weekend, it was 9am!
For the most part, I have never been an insomniac. Whenever my head hit the pillow, I was out and just went into nice, blissful sleep. Quite frankly, I enjoyed that. Though the eating disorder did result in me becoming a light sleeper, still, head hit pillow, I was asleep.
As I said the last three weeks or so, my sleep has been incredibly off. In the past, this has only been when I was in restrictive mode. My eating is sufficient on most days, so should not warrant this type of distress.
Now when I go to bed (often it's me saying, okay, I should really go to bed now), I do not seem to go to sleep right away. Likely, it is only a few minutes, but it feels like an eternity. What really gets me is that my sleep has been very distraught. Typically, I do not move a lot in my sleep, and I am now tossing and turning and waking up very frequently. This has resulted in me being more tired in the afternoon/early evening than usual and literally sacking out. I realize this is not the best for sleep later, but seriously, I just crash!
Part of me wonders on a deeper subconscious level how much my lack of work situation is causing this, or whether this is the start of a slow descent into depression (I tend to either go into one extreme of sleep a lot or zero sleep) or possibly both. When you get to this point, it is so much harder to keep any motivation--not that I'm there yet, but some days certainly feel like it.
Anyone else feeling anything similar or have thoughts?
Sleep posts here, here, and here.