A week or so ago, I decided I'd go to a baby shower for a friend. At the time, it seemed like a fine idea. But then I looked at the number on the guest list. It's been confirmed about half of the people invited are coming which is 25 or so people. I know this is not that significant of a number really, but still, stress and anxiety kick in.In my pre-recovery ED days, the stress and anxiety would have been more due to all-things food-related-what would I eat, would there be stuff I could eat there, would people be watching me? This has lessened significantly as I've learned that there is usually something I can find to eat/nibble on even if it may be my own Luna/Clif bar and that people have more to do/think about than watch me eat. Of course, there is the rare person who picks out some observation, but likely, they have their own worries too.
Now, it seems it is more the whole social aspect of these events. It's not so much to do with the type of event as it is that it is a room full of strangers. This isn't a new thing for me, but I do think it was exacerbated when I went to Pensacola for a family reunion a few years ago. I had a terrible time there and almost all my worries were validated. This was one reason why I refrained from going to the Thanksgiving family reunion this past year. I'm sure I'll be known as the "invisible one" (one relative did not think I existed because it took 6-7 years before they met me. They jokingly said I did not exist/I was made up), but that's really okay at this point. Come to think of it, I'm not really close to any cousins, nephews, nieces, etc. on either sides of my family. But that's a post for another day.
So in saying all this, here is what I am telling myself (okay psyching myself):
- This could be really fun
- This could be a good opportunity to meet people
- There may be other people who feel similarly
- Dogs are always a good thing to talk about (animals really are good icebreakers)
- The host will probably feel more stressed than me
- This is a celebration for my friend's pregnancy, so it is about her not me
I'm hopeful that I'll have a better time than my anxieties and worries may be shouting at me.
8 comments:
I think the last point is the best one. I always try to remind myself that I "owe" it to my friends to get past my anxiety and go to their special days because they are amazing people. Then, I usually have an awesome time! It's a win-win---you support your friend, and like you said, you may have fun and meet people! :) I hope it's fun.
I find that once I get there...wheever I am hesitant to go....I end up having a good time.
But I often will be driving somewhere and still feel in every part of me "I don't wanna..." but I just do.
i have social anxiety too. i used to cope by drinking.
now, i just try to let myself be. if i find that i am uncomfortable or anxious or both, i tell myself that's okay == i can deal with those things for a time-limited time.
i try to ground myself -- feeling the chair beneathe me, the arms of the chair under my own arms, my feet on the carpet.
sometimes, not trying to push away the feelings i'm really having works better than trying to cheer myself into a different mood
whatever happens, may you indeed have a better time than your anxieties and worries are shouting!
I remember how hard Pensacola was for you, wish it had gone better. Having had the privilege to meet you multiple times, believe me, anyone who misses a chance to talk to you is DEFINITELY missing out. Not just trying to boost you here, honest truth. I really hope that the baby shower goes well, you never know when you'll meet someone that you really hit it off with. Are you bringing one of your dogs, maybe Tovah? They are definitely great icebreakers!
I'm also bad about skipping out on events, and one thing I try to tell myself is that for something lik ea baby shower, birthday, etc, it's just one day (if that). The next day you'll be back in your safe zone, doing your usual thing, likely no worse for the wear, and in a year or ten you'll probably want to look back and have a memory of participating with your friend instead of spending the day alone in routine. That's what I tell myself at least, seems to hold up in practice. I hope you have a great time!
Take care.
C
I know what you mean. Sometimes its harder to convince myself to go somewhere, just because I'm so wrapped up in myself and things that ED rules are important. I guess, in all honesty, you may enjoy this, you may not. Either way, remember that like you said, this is for your friend, and you can do something for her. I hope it goes well!
Thanks for all the support, everyone.
Sarah, you are right that this was about my friend.
Missy, I relate. I'm like that with many things too.
Melissa, I agree that feeling grounded is a good thing and can be really helpful.
Cammy, aww thanks. Sometimes, realizing it is only for a short period truly does help. It's a great tip to note!
Farfromperfect, totally agree. It's the convincing part that is hard. But I think we get better when we do more things like this.
The worry doll was the one gift I received from that shower that showed that someone really indeed knows me. I thank you for it. You and I were both nervous...
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