Saturday, December 5, 2009

Weighing out hard decisions

I know I have discussed Baxter on here extensively, and I am again. This week has been really hard. As I mentioned before, he was making small improvements up until last Sunday. Then, he suddenly began declining. At the vet's, we hydrated him subcutaneously first, then intravenously on Thursday. On Wednesday, he received his first vaccine dose from U. of Minnesota. On Thursday, he seemed worse off than he had been and fell into what I'd call similar to a coma. His vitals are okay but bp and heart rate are low which makes sense since he has not been moving much.

He's back at the emergency vet to have intravenous phenobarbital and medications to reduce cerebral edema. We're not exactly sure the cause for his coma-like state, but we think it is mostly cerebral edema versus overmedication which we originally thought. I've been in touch with the emergency vets, my substitute vet, Dr. R. (mine is getting married today and going on a honeymoon), and the vet in Minnesota, Dr. P., who performed Baxter's brain surgery. Dr. P. did not realize the state Baxter was in, but I think has finally understood.

Right now, I'm in a difficult position. I don't know the chances that Baxter will come out of this. All I can do is hope. I honestly do not believe he is suffering, just in a very very deep sleep. Some would argue with me on this point of course, but this is my feeling. The question for me is whether his body can hold up. My fear is making a pre-emptive decision and regretting it later or regretting that I may not have given him the most chance to respond. But at the same time, I do know there comes a point when to stop.

In some ways, you could say, I've already started grieving as I question my actions, cry a lot, and "miss" him so much. Every time I write or talk about him, tears just come flowing through my eyes. I'm giving at least the weekend to see if he can come around at all. And if there is no response, I'll have to make the final decision.

Note--*I'll be turning my blog back to public soon


Cammy said...

I'm so sorry, Dae, this is a really difficult position to be in. In the end, no one could have put more effort and compassion into his care than you have, I hope that knowing that can give you at least some degree of peace with your decision. Bax will definitely be in my thoughts this weekend, as always.

Tiptoe said...

Cammy, I was just going to send you a message if you hadn't read this post yet. The decision will likely be made in the next 24-48 hours. I've spoke to Dr. P.., and she agrees with me. I have to make arrangements as I'd like for her to have his brain to study. I'll keep you informed.

Telstaar said...

Hey hunni,

I'm just catching up. I'm SOOOO sorry for all you're going through right now. I wish I could do more than give you my sympathy and listening ears (eyes). I'm sorry hunni... I do hope he comes through and is okay.

Will be thinking of you