A bizarre highlight: dog cookies!

I know this will sound hilarious to most of you, but this was one of the highlights of my week. Seriously, these cookies which are for dogs are so tasty for humans too! These cookies are nice, because The Three Dog Bakery uses carob which is similar to chocolate but has no theobromine which is the toxic agent to dogs.

When I told my mom I found some of these very cheaply at a discounted store this week ($2 when they are usually $5), she was literally going to check to see if her local store had them. This is how good theses cookies are.

Then, I had mentioned awhile back to my neighbor's kids (these are the 4 kids who live beside me and love my dogs except they can't pet them since the little boy is allergic to dogs) that there were actually dog cookies humans could eat too. They were so intrigued by this idea and would ask me periodically if I had any.

Needless to say, they were thrilled I had them. They asked their dad if they could have one (it's a bit funny because they knew their mom would likely say no, especially since the day before, the little boy wanted to eat the turkey/cranberry dog treats). They each had one cookie and exclaimed "they taste like oreos!"

Anyway, after my busy week, this was a nice ending.

p.s.--T., the little boy who is allergic to dogs said to me the other day:

"Tiptoe, if I wasn't allergic to dogs, would you bring the dogs over here?" My reply was yes, and I know the dogs would enjoy it. He then went on to mention underground fencing which I am opposed to, but we didn't get into that deeply other than it could possibly change the behavior of the dogs.

Yogurt buying obsession

A Friday confessional:

I have this yogurt buying obsession as detailed by the picture below.

See, I don't buy yogurt that often really but when it is on sale, like a 5/$5 or sometimes the yogurt will be half price due to it expiring that day or the next, I find myself buying a lot of them. I think I bought like 10 or 11 within the past two days. Who can pass up $.49 yogurt?

Seen in the picture is basically 19 days worth of yogurt if I ate one a day. That's always my intention, but for some reason, I just don't necessarily get there. Some of these yogurts have actually expired or about to expire. Four of the yogurts were from when my mom and her husband visited (he decided to buy 6 yogurts the day before they were leaving and only ate 2). I've learned from past history that with yogurt, unlike milk,it can go past the expiration date and still be okay.

The thing is that I do like yogurt, so I don't know what my problem is in leaving it there for months at a time to think about eating. Yogurt does not hold some negative value either, so it just seems weird why I do this. I do not seem to do this with too many other items of food I buy. It almost seems similar to hoarding. :-/

Thoughts? Rationales? Similar experiences?

Brunch averted

Thanks for the feedback on my last post.  It is always nice to know that I am not the only one who just scurries out to avoid a meal/drink/happy hour event even when in recovery.  I think the whole social thing is one that doesn't seem to be as discussed with eating disorders.  But EDs are very isolating, so I think talking about our social anxieties is very important in recovery.

So everyone is wondering how did the run and brunch go?  Well, run went well.  I talked with a girl towards the end of our route.  However, afterwards, many ducked out and left.  I think part of this was because the e-mail that went out the night before, failed to mention the brunch, despite the organizer talking about it last weekend and on Wednesday.  I stayed an additional 1 1/2 hours, chatting and waiting for the second group to come back.  Realizing that no one else was staying, I left too.

Part of me thought, yeah, I did not have to worry about the challenge of eating essentially two breakfasts in a short period of time, but another part of me had already geared myself up for the experience.  Oh well, until next time, right?  One fun aspect was getting to know some of the other people, like their name, though apparently one guy does not tell many people his real name.  The girl running with me asked someone else, and told her what it was.  Thus, blowing the guy's cover.  I haven't figured that one out yet, but he seems like a cool guy nonetheless, camos and all.  (yes, he runs in camouflage pants; apparently last year he ran a marathon in combat boots and used to have duct taped running shoes until they convinced him to buy a real pair of running shoes)

On another note, many of them talked about the happy hour on Wednesday.  Apparently, there were 11-12 of them, and they had a good time.  It sucks my anxiety caused me to miss out on it, but no use in beating myself up over it.  It's still relatively early in the year, and there will be other opportunities.  Now, it's just me sticking to it and not backing out.  It's easy to say afterwards that I will not back out and do this event, etc., but when push comes to shove, and you are in that moment, it can become a lot easier to make up an excuse, sad to say.  Keep me on my toes, my friends.  It's good accountability for us all.

How has your social anxiety hindered you? Have you found it has gotten easier in recovery?  What is a social challenge you have overcome recently?  Share your thoughts in the comments section.

Taste revisited

Awhile back, I posted about how taste can be impacted with recovery. This is to say that anedoctally, taste seems to come back when you are in recovery as opposed to when you are actively in your ED.

The other day, I was listening to a fascinating podcast by All in the Mind about Taste. For instance, did you know that we are all actually born liking sweet and hating bitter? As Linda Bartoshuk, director of Human Research at the Smell and Taste Center at the University of Florida, says:

You love high fat, high sweet, high salt we all do, we're born loving that. Those are incredible survival tactics -- that gives you calorie sugar, gives your brain salt an important macro-mineral for brain and muscle function..

But of course as time gos by, we learn other tastes like bitter and sour. We learn to smell which invariably affects our tastes. And then, there is the culture and emotional components that affect our tastes.

During the show, Linda talked about supertasters. So what are supertasters? They are people who have more taste buds or fungiform paillae. These people experience double the intensity as other people in regards to taste and are more sensitive to pain on their tongues. These people also have difficulty with the taste of bitter.

What does this have to do with eating disorders? Well, it got me thinking. What if you were actually a supertaster prior to your ED. Then, your ED suppressed your taste buds since your brain made food non-rewarding, and you could simply no longer recognize taste. There was a study about how taste is different for those with anorexia which provided evidence of the difference between those with AN and those who did not. Yes, this study was done with recovered anorexics. However, it still makes me wonder whether taste can fully come back in recovery--not necessarily as the rewarding factor per se but the intensity/sensitivity factor.

Does taste seem more intense in recovery? Are foods you once thought of as sweet not so sweet or sweeter? Are foods that were once sour more or less so? And how about the taste of salt, fat, and bitter?

Maybe, this would be a good experiment in a bit of intuitive eating which is partly about slowing down, eating the food and asking yourself how it tastes among other things.

Properly feeding guests

I know I am a little early about talking about the holidays, but we have to face that they are upon us soon. No no holiday music here yet, but already the Christmas decorations are out and stores are trying to figure out how to wrangle in cash-strapped shoppers (apparently Wal-Mart is jumping the gun with free shipping on online deals two weeks before Black Friday to compete with their adversary Amazon via NPR).

Besides all this, it means festivities and celebrations (usually with food included) will soon be here too. This brings me to today's Jezebel piece on how to properly feed your guests. Anna did a great job on giving a lot of different examples of food restrictions you might encounter as a host and tips to guests to help them deal with these social food gatherings, including a few by me for those in eating disorder recovery. Take a look, some good advice is given.

A bit of a FAIL weekend

Yes, I'm using the word FAIL here.  First, I met a new match guy on Saturday.  We met at a coffee shop and chatted.  Things seemed to be going okay, and we were going to go to a food festival nearby afterwards.  As we were walking and talking, he suddenly stops and says, "Before we go any further, I just don't think it is going to work out.  We might as well not waste each other's time."  I was kind of surprised, and could only fathom out the words, "okay, I understand."  We walked back in awkward silence before parting different directions.  That was FAIL 1.

Since I still wanted to go to the food festival, but not necessarily by myself, I remembered there was a girl who lived  close that I had never met.  I sent her a message, and she told me to call her if I was going to go.  I really had planned to go.  I had already looked at the menus of the different vendors there and had my eye set on a veggie mango roll.  Sunday rolled around, and I basically got cold feet for a few reasons.

First, my fear of driving and not finding parking overcame me.  I tend to panic when I have to park in downtown areas with lots of people and have to search for parking.  It's not just finding the parking but afraid I'll forget where I parked too.  It's truly dumb and wasn't a good excuse to go.

Then, I had this other thought.  I have never met this person (we've talked on the phone a long time ago--I've known her since I was 16, and we met in an ED chat room--you know the ones aol used to have all the time).  Though we've kept in touch over the year, we haven't really talked in depth much.  I know some of what's going on in her life through her facebook statuses and tweets, but I don't know where she is in terms of ED recovery.  I can't explain it exactly, but I just had a weird feeling meeting at a big food festival (see the irony).  I tried to give myself the option of going today, but my feelings didn't change--that and I apparently crashed in my chair this afternoon for 2 hours.

I did tell this person I would not be making it yesterday or today, but definitely said we should meet up some time.  Hopefully, she'll take me up on this offer and meet somewhere else.

Now, some of you may be asking what would have been the difference of going with a new match guy versus this girl whom you've known for many years but never met?  I don't know, but it felt differently to me.  I guess it's the thought of someone not knowing about your ED history versus someone who does.  Had it not have been the food festival, maybe I would have felt differently. And I guess I could have spoken up to meet elsewhere.

Parts of me are kicking myself for not going, making excuses, letting my fears rule me.  This could have been a good opportunity and experience.  I know I have more chances to meet this girl again, at least until December, but I'm just lucky in that fact.

I also think I'm still reeling over the latest match date.  I'm seriously not doing very well with these match dates and have come to the conclusion it must be ME.  I'm thinking about changing my profile to attract a different audience.  This doesn't mean I'm going to be completely different but words things differently.  The thing is that these men, well, they must have been attracted to my profile if they wanted to meet me.  But then, when they do, they seem to not like me at all which just perpetuates the cycle it is me!  

Even though I'm upset (rejection is tough), I'm not giving up.  However, I think I may revamp my profile to see if it will attract a different audience.  Only time will tell.

Craving scenario

The other day while I was about to leave my client's house after exercising her dogs, she suddenly starts talking to me about the ice cream she was eating. The scenario went:

G: You know, I was only going to eat 2 bites of this ice cream. And look how much is left. (she raises up the pint of ice cream to show me)

Me: (feeling slightly awkward) Ice cream is good.

G.: I just can't help it. I was craving it and was only going to eat 2 bites. Then, I just can't help it-can't stop myself until it is gone."

Me: Well, indulging is good to do every once in awhile. There's nothing wrong with it.

G.: I just have no control when it comes to ice cream, and especially chocolate raspberry. Sometimes I wish J. (husband) would not buy it.

Me: Well, he buys it because he knows you like it.

G.: Yes, but too much.

G. finishes the ice cream and then she says very cheerfully,

"I have this trick I play on J. I put the empty carton back in the fridge. I don't think he' ll ever notice. Well, once he noticed and asked why I put an empty carton back in the fridge. I said so he wouldn't buy me anymore."

My client's thinking is no different than most of the people I know, and it reminds me how much my view is not in the norm. Certainly, I have thought exactly like how this client has. In that time period of my life, I almost loathed myself for craving something, because I knew I could never have it in my mind. For a long time, I had a horrible craving for peanut butter, but I would never touch the stuff--too fattening, I'd eat it all, etc. And it just fueled the fire more.

Besides the fact that my body needed fat, I had really liked peanut butter (and still do) prior to ED, but it didn't seem right of me to actually indulge myself. For some reason, that word left a feeling of selfishness in my head that I was simply not allowed. I'm learning now that it is okay to indulge myself more regularly--a coffee toffee heath bar ice cream freezee at Wendy's (yummy), an outing of retail therapy, a day of being unproductive after a long week, etc. I still have my hang-ups, but they are less and with much less wrath on myself than I used to be.

I think what people forget is that the word "crave" and "indulge" don't have to have the negative connotations that they seem to carry in this society. There's a sense of "naughtiness" to them and that it always has to be based on rewards. I hope we can start leaving the morality behind, because we truly do not need it. We need to crave, indulge, and simply enjoy, and none of these things have to be based on food. And even if they are, there is nothing wrong with it.

What do you crave in life? What are your indulgences? Has your view of cravings and indulgences changed in recovery?

Emotions, anger, and thin mint cookies

The other day a dog training colleague of mine posted on facebook:

"I'm so mad at my kids, I could eat a sleeve of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies."

When I read it, I laughed, mostly because I remember how this red-headed looked when she was mad. Thinking about it, however, it's a good example of the effect of our emotions on eating.

Emotions can play such a gamut on our eating. For some, they turn to food, for others, they shun it. At times during my ED, I fell into both categories. There were times, I was upset, so I'd eat that piece of cake, then feel guilty, and purge. In other moments, I restricted, saying I'd show them-that how they hurt me, would teach them, and I'd become thin as a stick.

The emotion that was most difficult for me was anger. Growing up, I honestly do not remember ever feeling anger at all. But when high school hit, I think there was a period when all my pent-up anger was geared towards my parents and an eating disorder became my outlet. It seemed easier to express whatever anger I felt through starving, purging, overexercising than to actually express my anger or any other emotion for that matter.

I remember two specific incidents, both where I was incredibly angry at my father for something, and I cut my wrist with a knife. These were the only incidences of cutting I've ever had, and neither were life-threatening. However, at the time, I was so angry that I truly wanted him to hurt. I've had other incidences in my life involving anger and punishing myself, but I've gotten better with dealing with that emotion. It's no doubt an emotion that will likely always be difficult for me to express, but at least now, I can better manage it without harming myself so much in the process.

So what do I do? I find venting to non-judgmental people one of the best things for me. (My mom is very helpful for this) Sometimes, I'll shoot an e-mail to someone or just simply write as it dispels those thoughts into the air. Other times, I've taken a walk, driven somewhere else, etc. I have to be careful with the exercise bit, because that's gone to the extreme before too.

That comment reminded me of how powerful emotions can be and how it is so important for us (ED or otherwise) to be able to express and monitor them as well. As for my colleague, she later posted that she only are half of a sleeve of Thin Mint cookies but that last year it would have been the whole thing. I'm hopeful that at least by writing out what she felt allowed her to express her feelings. And I know for her, this did feel like some progress.

How do you do deal emotions? How do your emotions affect you eating disorder/your recovery? Does anger play a role in your ED?

Note--*I hope no one feels like I'm saying eating thing mints is wrong when upset and angry This is only an example.

Taste

The other day I was on the hunt for chocolate fruit dip. Why I don't know, but that is what I seemed to be craving. A part of me thought that this was a positive sign. I was indulging my craving versus holding it back like if I'd been in ED Land. However, another part of me was slightly worried about the calories still and opted to stay on the safe side and find something low calorie, not fattening (Even if I am in recovery, those pesky ED thoughts still like to worm its way into my brain).

Well, then I found this:



ED part of my brain thought I'd scored! Zero everything, my gosh, how I could eat whatever of it and not feel GUILTY.

Once home, I tried it, and it was utterly, absolutely GROSS! Realistically, how could I have thought anything with just zeroes on its label would have any taste at all? I took one spoonful, spit it out and never touched the stuff again. I suppose if I have been really adamant about my chocolate fruit dip, I could have added sugar or fat or something to make it slightly palatable But by this point, my craving indulgence had passed and I was onto something else.

This lesson reminded me about taste. Often times those with eating disorders cannot judge taste well. Studies have shown that taste is simply not rewarding in that part of the brain like it is for other people. Another study has also shown that individuals with restrictive eating disorders have a reduced number of taste papillae on their tongue which alters their taste response and food preferences.

While I think all this research is true, I still think that when I was in the worst throes of an eating disorder, I "convinced" myself these really low calorie/no calorie food was good, that I could eat it without so much thought or guilt. Because where was the guilt in eating nothing substantial?

In recovery, not only have I been trying to "taste" more which includes eating foods with fat, but I've also noticed that my taste receptors seem to be more "aware" if we want to give it a voice. In general, I have done fairly well with including foods like peanut butter, ice cream, avocados, ice cream, pizza, etc. which used to be on "Tiptoe's Do Not Eat Food List" which is progress from several years ago. Though these foods with the exception of peanut butter are still not something I eat on any kind of regular basis, the fear has lessened a little. Don't get me wrong, it is still there, but just not to the anxiety provoking capacity of excuse making if I was invited somewhere or endless amounts of exercise to rid myself of that glutton.

I guess the reminder of this post is that in order for something to taste "good," there must be substantial nutrients in the product. Otherwise, what is it that we are really eating?

Note--*This is only my opinion of this particular brand. Who knows other products may be good but it is doubtful that I will be trying them anytime soon.

A dieting example

Most of us know the mentality of dieting either through personal experience or observation of others. Many people turn into black and white thinkers if they aren't ones already. Foods become "good" and "bad." It becomes about deprivation of not only the food but also the soul. Of course, this does not happen with everyone, but the majority do fall into this category which is why dieting has such a huge fallout rate.

This was one reason I was pleasantly surprised at hearing my physical therapy assistant say that although she was trying to lose weight, she is not depriving herself. She said she is beginning to ask herself whether she is truly hungry and if she really wanted that piece of cake. If she does, she would take a small slice. I don't think she knows it, but she is beginning some intuitive eating.

The other thing that she said which is not something you'd hear from most people is "I'm going slow, I'm not in any real hurry." Though I am never into using the word "dieting," I do think she is taking an even keel approach at this, and I commend her for her work.

Something else she said stuck out to me. She said that when she got divorced and was raising her two daughters, she could not afford the healthy food most experts say we should all be eating.. She said "unfortunately, my kids paid the price." Many studies have shown that there is a link between socioeconomic status and quality of food. Even back in 2004, researchers were saying there was a relationship between obesity, "cheap" food, and socioeconomic level. (here)

Though this news is not new to me, the fact that someone said it so blatantly was really surprising to me. I guess the saying "when you know better, you do better" applies here. Or rather, when you make more money, you have the ability to eat better.

Anyway, overall, this brief ten or so minutes of my physical therapy assistant recounting her dieting habits was a bit refreshing to hear. Here was someone who truly was losing weight for health in a healthy, moderate, slow way. This may not seem like much, but I think she is a rarity in these times. Kudos to her! Even though I am against "dieting," I do think changing a lifestyle in a positive, healthy way like this person is doing can be beneficial .I just wish more people did dieting this way.

Latest food craving

I'm short on time and a bit of blogging lately. This week has been crazy busy, and I'm having a tough time keeping track of everything I have to do. Hopefully, by the end of the weekend, I'll have a little more time to catch up on blogs, news, etc.

I leave you with my latest food craving of plums and nectarines.


In front are sweet flesh nectarines. I like to affectionately call "spaceship" nectarines. They are smaller than normal nectarines and are sweet. I tend to like nectarines much better than peaches. I think it is the "fuzz" texture I don't like in peaches. I guess I could never live in Georgia. ;-)

The plums to the left are sweet plums, branded as "dino" plums. The ones on the right are golden plums. Both are good but the dino plums are sweeter. Though buying fruit doesn't seem like a big deal, these are definitely not things I customarily buy. However, I found myself craving them, therefore, I went ahead and bought them.

Socializing times

Lately, I haven't talked much about how my socialization goals were going. At the beginning of the year, the goal was to get out and socialize more with people which also included lessening the food anxiety. Some of you might remember these socialization posts:

Friday night socialization
When you don't know what you're having for dinner
Dinner update which follows previous post
Spontaneous moment with pizza
Adventures in spontaneity

Now of course, you don't have to read all these posts, they just give an idea of where I have been on the socialization/food anxiety scale. Socialization scale low, anxiety high.

Since April, I've had at least one social get-together with various friends a month. They've mostly been outings for lunch or dinner with general visits attached. On all these occasions, I've actually had some lower anxiety while also enjoying the company. It's not that I didn't like hanging out with my friends before, but rather that there was always a glass ceiling type effect. I'd get to a certain point, but then find it difficult to shatter the glass and breakthrough to a place of real enjoyable-ness. Instead, I was still too worried over the food or their perceptions of me.

The last few social outings consisted of Thai dinner with a friend whom I had not seen in awhile and several visits with with a another friend, K. where we've had Chinese buffet and Indian food. Today, I'm having brunch with another friend whom I have not seen in awhile, and next week, possibly dinner with someone else. I'm excited about both outings and hope to be able to catch up in general conversation with them.

So slowly, I'm learning to let go of some of the anxiety. There is no longer a feeling of dread or how I'm going to look, even on those days when my body image is very poor. It's like that Nike commercial of "Just Do It."

This is not to say that I'm completely care-free over social outings with food. I'm finding a lot really depends on the company (still have issues with strangers or people I do not know well) and that it is more on my terms. But as with everything, it's all a learning process with that nice little bell curve.

NuVal

Last week while grocery shopping, a brochure caught my eye. It was for something called NuVal which sounds like some type of gimmicky product. After several days, I finally got around to reading it.

What is NuVal? Apparently, it is a new scoring system for foods. Currently, it is debuting at the stores Price Chopper, HyVee, and Meijer. The premise of the scoring system is to rate the health of food products based on a scale of 1-100, 1 having the least nutrition and 100 the most nutrition. The idea is that this simple system (like an at-a-glance) will help enable consumers to make informed decisions about the foods they buy as well as give an ability to compare products based on price and nutrition.

The NuVal scoring system is based on the Overall Nutritional Quality Index (ONQI) algorithm which considers over 30 nutrients and takes into account trans fats, quality of macronutrients, and the density of food products. The development of the NuVal system itself is headed by Dr. David Katz, an Associate Professor of Public Health at Yale University School of Medicine, along with 12 other experts in medicine, nutrition, and public health. Their goal is to havea NuVal score for the over 50,000 food products in an average store. One nice thing is that this is independently funded, so there is no promotion by manufacturers or other food companies.

In general, I think this is an interesting approach to take, much better than displaying calories on menus, billboards, etc. In the "Nutritional Insights" section of the website, it emphasizes that there are no "good" or "bad" NuVal scores--that it's just an objective tool. It makes the point that you don't have to buy the highest NuVal score, but rather that you may simply choose a product because you love it. That's actually an important statement for me to read as I have a tendency to base my food choices on the highest value of nutrition versus just taste. (post here on health versus instinct)

It will be interesting to see how this works and whether consumers catch on to using this system. There does seem to be more of an educational aspect here than just good calories and bad calories.

What is your opinion? Could this be a valuable tool for consumers and their food choices? Would/will you use this system?

Are food and politics intertwined?

I just read this interview from Michael Pollan, author of the Omnivore's Diet and In Defense of Food, on alternet.org Pollan is a popular interviewee and never seems too shy to share his opinion (in good taste though). The interview discussed Pollan's thoughts about the politics of food and how food is viewed in his own home. I found a few interesting things he said about his once picky-eater son who has now embraced food.

But he basically found food scary and overwhelming. And so he controlled that by eating food that was as bland as possible. He was the same way about clothes. He didn't like any variety in clothing. So he wore black clothes for about eight years of his childhood. Ate white, dressed black. In both cases, in retrospect, he was trying to reduce sensory input. It was overwhelming. Smell was overwhelming, taste was overwhelming, colour was overwhelming. And he just had trouble processing.

He never mentions if his son ever had anything like autism which could explain part of this since overwhelming sensory input is a known trait. But I wonder how true this is for other picky-eaters who do not have a diagnosable illness. Is it about sensory control?

Later in the interview, Pollan says:

Kids' relations to food are complex. This generation will have its own neuroses, that's for sure. But it's very concerning that there are such high levels of allergies among kids nowadays. The reasons are as yet unexplained. But I've heard that it has complicated kids' relationships with food because so many have allergies, or think they do.

I've discovered cooking and gardening are great ways to get kids to reorient their relationships to food in a positive way. Kids will eat things that they'll pick in the garden that they'll never eat off the plate. Or they'll eat things that they've cooked themselves. Because I think a big issue for them is control. Food is really, I think, a primary political phenomenon. It is the first time you can control what you take into your body, and the first time you can say no to your parents and assert your identity. So I think food and politics are very intertwined.

I agree that helping gardening and cooking are good ways to help children develop a positive relationship with food, but I am unsure of his comment that food is about control. I know he is probably talking more from personal experience than about eating disorders and dieting here, but if we look at it in that context, isn't that one of the misconceptions---that food is about control? Are food and politics that intertwined? I think on a national/global scale, food and politics do mesh, but I don't know on a personal level. If it is as he says, I think a lot of us are actually trying to shed some of the identity we have placed on ourselves or as others have seen us.

What are your thoughts?

How family can remind you how far you have come

My dad recently came to visit me this past weekend. Overall, the visit went okay. It seems as long as he is not asking too much about my future plans or mentioning graduate or medical school, things seem to be fairly kosher. Back in October, he set a new record of talking about these topics 15 times in a 4-5 day period. Now, his new record for less mentioning of these topics is 6 months. I never hold my breath entirely that he will just stop talking about it, but it does seem there is some behavioral change which has all around helped our relationship.

As my parents like to do when they come visit me, we went grocery shopping. They just continue to think I do not have enough in my fridge, freezer, and pantry. Now, I have a whole house full to feed an army! Gah, it's a little intimidating.

Since Luna and Clif bars were on sale at Whole Foods, I did buy a good number of them. When we got home, here is how our conversation went:

Dad: You know those Luna bars you eat have a lot of calories.
Me: Umm, no, not really. Why do you think that?
Dad: Well, just look at the label. Those things are small.
Me: Yes, but if you read the label, there is protein, carbs, and fat, all things your body needs.
Dad: Why can't you just eat a candy bar?

Back in high school and college, I would never have touched an energy bar, because of the calorie count. In my freshman year of college, my mom became worried about me and decided to send a whole bunch of energy bars. At this time, the options were not as vast as now, and the bars did not taste very good. In protest, I took one bite out of each one, proclaiming I had tried them all (technically yes but not exactly what she wanted to hear) and hated them. I vowed never to touch one again.

I don't remember when I started eating them or why. For several years, they became the staple of my breakfast, and the only thing I would eat. Today, I literally only use them as snacks or eat something else along with them as a breakfast.

The post isn't just about eating energy bars, it's more a reminder of how my thinking and behaviors have changed. It also gives me a good alarm bell in gauging if I'm ever headed downhill in that I would retreat back to thinking how Luna bars or any other energy bars had too many calories. (Kim wrote a good post on knowing when you're in relapse)

I'm still not to the point of just eating a candy bar and don't know if I ever really will as candy bars have never been my thing, but that's okay. There are still other goals to reach beyond just energy bars, but it is one step on the staircase.

The new Whole Foods

I was listening to NPR the other day on my way to work and heard a clip about the new Whole Foods store opening in Chicago just a few days ago. For some reason, I cannot find the exact clip online, but I know I heard about it.

This store is massive at 75,000 square feet with about 75,000 items. This store is apparently the third largest behind the one in London and Austin, TX. It boasts a variety of new features such as:

Chicago food venues--like mini restaurants with no wait time
Exclusive product line--products only available to Whole Foods, that store, and local--
International cookie club--a variety of cookies made in the store
Graffitti artist--mural of the skyline of Chicago, plus lots of other colorful decorations
Music stage--entertainment while people dine, shop, and buy
400 parking spaces--it is free with purchase
Automated express check-out--purpose is to reduce waiting time in lines

The store also has more trail mix stations, seven-themed eateries, more children's products, outdoor seating along the river, even a place to dock your kayak!

The idea is to have a 'community" feel, the feel of Chicago, where people can shop, dine, lounge with their computer, listen to music, etc.

I'm curious to anyone who is in Chicago, have you gone to the store? What were your thoughts?

In some ways, I love this, but another part of me is thinking about just how much selection there is. I already have a hard enough time in a small Whole Foods or other natural market store on deciding which items to buy. Would this make it even more overwhelming for someone like me? Would I still be too busy pouring and comparing the calorie counts of items, taking away from the "experience" of the store?

What are people's thoughts? Is this a good thing? And with the economy the way it is, does it affect whether you go to Whole Foods? Personally, it has for me, though I miss shopping there as frequently. I could if I made more money though. Good incentive. ;-)

As an aside note, I've also noticed a trend in general with some of the grocery store chains revamping and expanding. Kroger's comes to mind with their new "Kroger Marketplace" expansion with not only foods, but a larger sushi bar, larger coffee/espresso bar, furniture, kitchen items, etc.

Note--Other articles and photos:
Whole Foods opening...
New Whole Foods store
Photos of store

Egg rolls!

After many weeks of craving egg rolls, I finally succumbed to making them. They came out good but I have made better, though that's by my judgment only. Others would probably tell me they tasted fabulous. Hmph, such the critic I am.

It's funny, egg rolls and I have quite a long history. I learned making them a number of years ago through an Asian cooking class offered in my small town where I grew up. This was very surprising since there were very few Asians. I know the lady taught us three different dishes, but I only remember the egg rolls. After understanding how to make them, I experimented with different ingredients.

Then, I made egg rolls ALL the time--at family gatherings, at holidays, for various people, for school events, even for a college class where I taught the class how to make them. Yes, imagine me (a petite 5'1 1/2) lugging an electric wok, my backpack, and whatever else was needed that day for class. Quite the haul I may add!

I'm debating what to do with them. The last few years I've made them, I ate a few, and then gave the rest away or froze them for when my parents came to visit. In reality, this was 1) fear of eating them all, 2) craving them for a moment, then not really wanting them which reverts back to #1, and 3) making others happy (most people really enjoyed these egg rolls and easily finished them off in a few days)

Guess I need to make a decision. Hey, anyone want me to send them one? Just kidding. They would not mail/ship well unless completely frozen anyway. ;-)

Vegetarianism and eating disorder risk

AP photo from the LA Times

First off, I find this photo absolutely hilarious! I know it is for promoting vegetarianism, but those vegetable costume cut outs are just incredibly silly. It kind of reminds me of PETA's sexy lettuce ladies who also are known for similar antics as mentioned here in the Philippines.

The story about vegetarianism and eating disorders is also found in the Daily Mail and ABC News, both of which add more details than the LA Times piece.

A new study published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association looked at a self-reported survey of 2,516 young adults aged 15-23 about their eating behaviors, weight, and lifestyle. They found vegetarians on the whole ate healthier and had healthier weights than their meat-eating counterparts. However, of the former and current vegetarians, they reported they were twice as likely to use unhealthy measures to control their weight such as diet pills, laxatives, and purging than their non-vegetarian peers. About 20% of current vegetarians also reported binge eating and a feeling of loss of control.

Several questions the researchers asked were:

Does lack of meat in the diet make people more likely to binge?
Are people with a susceptibility to eating disorders attracted to vegetarianism in their teen years?

Whatever the answers are to these questions, the more important question to ask is what the motivations are for choosing a vegetarian lifestyle. This is a cue to parents to take interest in their child's answer, and if it is for weight loss, a red flag should be alerted. However, at the same time, many teens also answer that going vegetarian is about "health." This is when it can get tricky as the "health" scheme can become a guise for an already existing eating disorder or a pre-emptive eating disorder in conveniently restricting.

Sometimes I feel vegetarianism gets a bad rap in thinking that vegetarianism and eating disorders go hand in hand, but at the same time, I can ascertain why it's a big deal too. In the end, it comes down to personal choices. Hopefully, those choices will be ones that reflect true health, mindset, and beliefs and not just to determine a number on the scale..

Note: *Two related posts by bloggers Carrie (Vegetarianism and eating disorders) and Kim (Going vegetarian?)

Today's breakfast

EDIT: Okay, I feel majorly stupid, because I read this label wrong. I'll keep it up, so this can be your laugh for the day.

Breakfast has always been a non-existent "meal" for me. For many years, I subsisted on 4-5 cups of coffee as my breakfast. The last few years, I added energy bars with my daily coffee as the morning "meal." However, I've been consistently trying to make an effort of eating something more substantial for breakfast. The last several weeks I've been on an oatmeal kick, adding in fruits, raisins, and occasionally peanut butter to make it a bit more palatable.

This morning I was in a rush and running late. I had not made oatmeal the night before, so I just picked up an oatmeal raisin Luna bar. After doing the morning chores at the kennel, I went to sit and eat my energy bar. I noticed it tasted different, kind of stale which was odd. After eating about half of it, I looked at the wrapper and saw this:


If you can't read the date, it says: 07 JAN10

I was naturally kind of shocked. I know expiration deals aren't that big of a deal with energy bars and most do last longer than the best sell by date (one reason why many people sell them on ebay), however, over two years is a little old in my opinion. And on top of that, this was in a grocery store. How could an energy bar over two years old even be on the shelf? This makes me slightly paranoid that I'm going to need to check all my expiration dates now. (I do with refrigerated and bread items which spoil faster)

So you may wonder what I did with the energy bar. Yes, I confess, I ate it. It was the only thing I had, and I was hungry. I figured that if I didn't have any unusual symptoms within a few hours, I was probably okay. You also may being wonder what does an expired energy bar taste like? It's quite dry and stale and not worth eating.

EDIT: So basically, this energy stale bar tasted like crap and was not expired! I guess I thought since it tasted so awful, it must have been expired and read the label incorrectly. See this is what happens when you don't eat a good breakfast. ;-)

Schools and calorie boards

Within the last few years, there has been a big push to put calories on menus to fight the "obesity" epidemic. I'm sure most of us have heard about it. In mid-February, a Federal Appeals court in New York upheld the ruling of posting calories on menus. Though some chain restaurants have already been doing this, it is now required if there are 15 or more outlets. California and Philadelphia have taken similar regulations with effects occurring next year. Even the UK has gotten in on this bandwagon.

With large states taking this action, it seems like it is happening everywhere. Posted calorie menus have been seen on college campuses (though Harvard removed theirs) and now even in school districts. Case in point, in North Carolina, some districts are going high tech in presenting nutrition information, including some with calorie and fat numbers. Amy Harkey of the CMS Child Nutrition Services says, "Food can be fun for kids, and I think that message needs to come across. We don't want to burden them with too much."

While it's true that food can be fun and should be, how would presenting a blaring neon-type board with calorie counts not be burdening to children? This only emphasizes dieting, a pre-cursor to eating disorders and unhealthy body image. Though I think it is is important to have some general information, like ingredients of wheat, soy, seafood, peanut for those with allergies, I think listing calories is unwise. Schools need to figure out an alternative way of passing along nutrition information. I can guarantee that this will only cause more harm than good on an already vulnerable population.