Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to whomever you may be a mother to-whether they have skin, hair, fur, feathers, or scales. In the end, they all look to us for help, care, nurturance, protection, and love.

Here's a cute song from the movie Rugrats about mothers.
And remember that even though this is the day we observe Mother's Day, it is really everyday.

Note: a real post coming soon. And to those I owe e-mails-I'm not ignoring, will write soon. ;-)

The Bench

This is just a nice poem about needing support posted from Gurze Books  in the Eating Disorders Review.

If you haven't looked through Gurze, they have some great resources for eating disorders.

 

 The Bench

I know the journey is hard.
There's a bench just up ahead
Under some trees.
Let's sit down,
Stop for a while.
We don't have to talk
Unless you want to.
We can listen to the birds sing,
Feel the wind,
Enjoy the view,
And see,
Really see
The life that's out there for us.
Then,
When we are both ready,
We can continue
Our journey of recovery.
I know it has its bumps
And steep hills,
But it also has its
Easier, smoother valleys and vistas.
The most important thing,
My friend,
Is that we not travel it alone.
It is a journey meant to be taken
Hand in hand.
Take mine.

 

by Anne Edwards

Deconstructing "myths about suicide"

A few days ago, NPR's Talk of the Nation spoke with Thomas Joiner of Florida State University, a prominent researcher in suicidal behavior, on deconstructing "myths about suicide" Joiner has a new book out called Myths about Suicide in which he talks about this very thing.

Though I've posted about suicide before, I think it is still an important issue to discuss, especially as May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Like with many other disorders, suicide is often stigmatized as well.

There were several points in this conversation that Joiner made which really struck out to me. One was the myth that suicide is a selfish act. He explained that to those on the outside this is how it appears, but really what the suicide sufferer is thinking is, "my death will be worth more than my life to others." Although this thinking is mistaken, to the sufferer, it is true.

This often rings similar to those with eating disorders. On the outside, people think "how could someone with anorexia think they are fat? Can't they see they are not?" (I know this isn't the case for everyone, but just an example) Or it is like when we say we are "feeling fat" to someone, and they say "fat isn't a feeling." This may be correct, but to that individual, it feels real at the time.

Another point Joiner makes is that suicide is not an impulsive act. He says that even though suicide appears out of the blue for some people, often times, there has been a long built up process to it. If you think about it, it is really hard to kill yourself. Your body's natural reaction is to fight back and resist. For some, it is one reason why their body doesn't let them commit suicide.

He also mentions the film The Bridge, the controversial documentary about the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge, a place where many have gone to commit suicide. For one year, the director and his crew, filmed people walking across the bridge, trying to determine which ones were vulnerable to jumping. In the end, they could not tell who would or would not. This deconstructs the myth that suicides are easy to tell. Even those that seem to be functioning well outwardly, inside the person is a mess and in misery. Again, this is so similar to eating disorders. How many times do people think we are okay just because we are weight restored, functioning, or look "normal"

One other myth Joiner discussed was the idea that if someone was really going to commit suicide, they would. He felt that physical barriers were important and was an underappreciated means of suicide prevention, especially as high railings have been installed at other historic buildings like the Empire State Building which dramatically reduced the number of suicides.

Since callers were invited into this show, there was one guy who had had several members of his family commit suicide. This led into the question of genetics which Dr. Joiner agrees contributes to suicides. He feels that genes, risk factors, personality traits, etc. operate via three aspects of his model which are learned fearlessness, burdensomeness, and alienation. He explains his model as:

I think that there are two main processes that have to develop and that have to collide to end in this catastrophe that is suicidal behavior. One has to do with the-I think very basic insight that death is inherently fearsome and daunting. Therefore it requires a kind of fearlessness, a fearlessness specifically about physical pain, physical injury and death, in order to enact it. So that's one process that's unfolding. It takes time to develop.

So does the other process, which has to do with: Why would people desire suicide in the first place? And I think it has to do with states of mind having to do with the idea - two ideas, actually one, that you're a burden, and one other - that's what I meant when I was referring to death being worth more than life kinds of thoughts; the other is that you're hopeless alienated, cut off and isolated from others. When these two processes combine, the desire for suicide spurred by alienation and burdensomeness, when all when that collides with learned fearlessness, that's when you see these catastrophes.

This makes sense to me and again resonates with eating disorder sufferers. There is the fearlessness of becoming malnourished, starved, unhealthy, or even dying. Then, there is the burden factor where we feel like we are burdens on our families and may not communicate how we feel to them or that we really need help. And with alienation, we often cut ourselves off from people and isolate to feed our disorders.

These same aspects could also be why a number of those with eating disorders do wind up committing suicide. These traits, brain chemistry, and feelings all collide, leaving the sufferer to feel suicide may be the only way.

I think this is one reason why I think education is important. Mental illnesses, in general, have so many stereotypes and we need to de-stigmatize and deconstruct the myths behind them.

Lastly, if you feel suicidal, please get help or call 1-800-SUICIDE, 1-800-273-TALK

FYI: the Discovery Health Channel is broadcasting "Six Nights of Understanding" series, showcasing individuals' experiences with Anxiety, Rage, Dissociative Disorder, Schizophrenia, Addiction, Bipolar Disorder, Hoarding, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Thanks Dr. Deb for posting this!

Facebook vent

This morning, I woke up to an e-mail saying a person from high school had commented on my facebook activity. This was a guy who was an acquaintance in high school. This is a guy who never comments on my stuff. I've commented a few times on his, but we are certainly not buddies of any sort.

In fact, our general views on life are very different with him being very conservative, me more moderate, leaning more towards the liberal side. If I had to describe him, he would be the "good 'ole country boy." Of course, there is nothing wrong with that, that's just the mental image I perceive of him.

I think what gets to me more than anything is how patronizing he made me feel with his comments. We took an opposing view of the issue, and we both tried to argue our points, respectfully, nonetheless (me backed with scientific data). However, the words he took were of an offensive nature which truly did not sit well with me and made me feel like he was patronizing me. I have enough self-esteem issues as it is, so it certainly doesn't help when someone makes me feel like I do not know what I'm talking about when this is my choice of career. It takes every ounce of my fiber not to reply back when I could ask so many other questions to his last response, but in the end, I know it is just better to let it go. It is not worth wasting my breath when we disagree on that issue, as I'm sure disagree on many more.

Sadly, I wish some of my friends would have defended me or even ones who may have joined that group. But oh well, that's just how it goes.

Okay, vent over, and time to write more thought provoking stuff. I'll likely post this weekend as that is when I have the most free time.

On a side note, I did find it interesting that that particular thread did not show up on his profile as other stuff did.

Shopping is a lost cause

Well, it's now inevitable. I must buy khaki pants for work very soon. All the red tape that needed to be done has been finalized, so now we are good to go. This would be even greater news if I did not have to buy khaki pants. My boss has decided we are wearing khaki pants and beige color shirts with our logo to look "professional." I agree, it does look more professional than jeans. Normally, khaki is a universal color that goes with anything except that our beige shirts resemble closer to the khaki color, so there is hardly any contrast.

This post isn't really about the khaki pants. It's more about the fact that I have to go shopping now, and like many of us who have been through this peril, I am dreading it. It would be one thing to find one pair of khaki pants, but I have to find multiple ones to wear every day of the week. I guess the plus is that I won't be having to do as much laundry. :grin:

This shopping trip is compounded by the fact that I'm just having some major body image blues. Now, I know that in recovery, body change is inevitable. For a lot of us, it is is one of the hardest issues to deal with. I've always felt a bit out of place with this, because I never really had to go through a huge weight restoration process like many people I know. Instead, my weight has fluctuated a bit--enough to be noticeable but not drastic. Therefore, any body change I've had has been very subtle. And this is the issue lately.

I remember a video awhile back that Jenni Schaeffer did titled "My thighs touch" In it, she said how she actually liked that her thighs touched.--that it represented being healthy, recovered, and free of her ED. At the time, I thought this was great. But then, that happened to me, and I no longer had that gusto feeling of "recovery" and being happy with my body. Instead, I've felt terribly uncomfortable about it and just the thought of shopping gives me shivers.

I know I'm probably making a bigger deal out of this than it is. And although I've never cried during a shopping visit, I'm afraid this may be my first. I should also note that I always have a difficult time finding clothes anyway. With pants, if the waist fits, the legs are too tight, and the pants are too long. If the waist doesn't fit, the legs fit comfortably, but the pants are too long. Invariably, when I go shopping, I wind up trying on many clothes. Also, with khakis, I am horribly picky. Besides the fit, it must look "right" with pockets in the back, no side pockets unless laid correctly, flattering on the stomach/hip area, no pouchiness anywhere. If you think this is bad, just imagine jeans shopping with me. Who on earth would even want to clothes shop with me with all these stipulations on clothing? By the end of these fiascoes, I normally walk away with nothing and feel unsatisfied that nothing looked right. Or better yet that my body hated me enough to not fit into anything properly.

I know I have several weeks until I will need the khaki pants. On one hand, I don't want to procrastinate the shopping trip,but on the other hand, I'm suddenly afraid my thighs will suddenly turn into a massive thunder thigh look if I wait too long. :sigh: I feel like I don't win either way.

Oh wait minute, aren't I supposed to be working on that self acceptance concept? Oh right, that thing.

Earth Day

Today is Earth Day! It marks 40 years of celebrating this awareness day!

I must admit, though I tend to like to stay "clean" most times, it is sometimes fun to just get dirty. Yesterday, I planted some new flowers in my front yard. It was lovely intentionally getting dirty for this purpose. It was a wonderful sight to see the earthworms cultivating their way into the soil (a good sign). Later this week, I'll be planting trees in my backyard as well. It's my way of celebrating this day which I do everyday anyway with recycling, watching water usage, watching energy usage, buying locally when I can, reducing my own carbon footprint, living green with my pets, etc.

There's also something special about Earth Day which reminds me about nature. I'm an incredibly nature-oriented person, so it feels fitting to give back to nature as nature has given to me. Sometimes, nature in its plants, animals, and landscapes have been a sanctuary of sorts--a place of silence, a place to listen, a place to remember, a place to learn, a place to feel free.

How are you going to celebrate Earth Day?

Tips for Earth Day: from the EPA

History of Earth Day

Facts about Earth Day here and here

"Someday Melissa"

I posted this on twitter today and was deeply moved by this story, a mother's loss, a daughter's story. If you haven't read it, please take the time to do so. Any eating disorder death is heart wrenching and is a reminder of the stark reality that we can all die from this illness.

In this story, Judy Arvin, the mother of Melissa, who died at age 19 from bulimia, decided to make a documentary about her daughter's life and ultimately her death from bulimia. She felt it was a way to both help her grieve over the loss of her only daughter and to educate others about this illness.

I think one of the powers that can be raised in this film is the commonality of how the eating disorder unraveled. When there were signs that something was wrong, Melissa was taken to a pediatric gastroenterologist (she was having constipation and stomach problems) who diagnosed her with an eating disorder. The Arvins dismissed this doctor's diagnosis and never went back, partly out of denial and simply because Melissa was not visibly underweight, despite the fact her mood drastically changed.

Eventually Melissa did receive help (against her will at first) and became a revolving door in treatment centers. By this time, her family began to understand the extent of her illness, but after five years, it would be too late for Melissa who died of a heart attack, complicated by her bulimia.

The film, titled "Someday Melissa," taken from journal entries of Melissa, is slated to be finished in June with hopeful theatrical distribution.

One of Melissa's entries that became paramount for this film was:

Someday ...

I’ll eat breakfast.

I’ll keep a job for more than 3 weeks.

I’ll have a boyfriend for more than 10 days.

I’ll love someone.

I’ll travel wherever I want.

I’ll make my family proud.

I’ll make a movie that changes lives.

I'm hopeful that last wish will come true for Melissa.