This is inevitably a difficult post for me to write. If any of you have been keeping track of the work saga, it has now come to an end. I am no longer an employee there. It wasn't exactly on my terms, but I certainly know now that this was coming. Some of you know more in-depth details about all that occurred from late October through now, and in retrospect, I know this was essentially to drive me out.
Yesterday was full of many tears. Today hasn't been too bad. I know I just need to move forward as dwelling about the whys and the logic is futile when there is none. I know that in the end, this is likely for the best. But still, I am hurt, sad and angry over it. More angry about how things happened--could have happened differently and sad and hurt because a friendship has been completely ruined.
There have been lessons learned which I now know not to repeat. I think the biggest one is realizing how people really are when you actually work with them. Perhaps, I'm a bit too forgiving and give way too much of the benefit of the doubt. But I like to try to see the good in all people even when there may be little.
It's hard for me to not think of myself as some horrible person, though I of course know deep in my heart, I am the farthest thing from that possible. Not that I am perfect by any means, none of us are.
So as this week goes by, I will try to pick up the pieces, start anew, and venture to see what is out there. Maybe in some awful way this is a blessing in disguise.
When I was younger, I used to dream about being able to make a mark in this world somehow, some kind of difference. For the last number of years, I've really struggled with what this is, what my sense of purpose truly is. Maybe it really isn't dogs like I thought, maybe it is something else completely. Fear has stood in my way for many years, and it still does. But at the same time, I know I must try to move past that and once again enter a new chapter in my life like I did a little over a year ago. Sometimes, it is hard to take that leap of faith until you are forced to. But here I am and forced to.
I know I will get by. Right now is tough and it may be for awhile. Hopefully, I can focus my energies in positive ways and find something that will make me happy.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me. I appreciate it all. I don't know what I would have done without my parents and friends (both personal and virtual). You are all LOVED.
6 comments:
i am so sorry. and it sounds like this was all handled particularly poorly on their end. awful people to work for!
i hope you can separate who you are from the details of this incident. when you write, "It's hard for me to not think of myself as some horrible person," i wonder what could have happened that you would even potentially feel like that.
whether or not you choose to work with animals is your decision, if that's what YOU WANT. just because this didn't work out doesn't mean you're not able to work successfully and happily in the field.
remember who you are and all your many, many, many strengths and assets.
i've been in your situation and it's painful and awful and tough, on so many levels.
you are wonderful. you will absolutely find your next path.
take care, melissa
Thanks Melissa for your ongoing support. I think when I thought of myself as some horrible person--it's just the fact of being rejected.
As for careers, the dog training one is tough to make as a full-time career. It is getting better as it becomes more of a profession, but still things like benefits are hardly existent. Animals will likely always be a part of my life in one way or another.
I just started reading your blog, and I think you are absolutely amazing :) I am so sorry you are dealing with this rough patch right now, but I have 100% confidence that you will get through it!
Stay strong, sending my support,
Scott
Girl, I have been laid off twice and never under such horrible cicumstanes and it really hurts.
Here is my words of wisdom'
Yes it is true when oned door closes another opens. Surely you will find another job...another door. BUT befor eit does look around and notice all the windows! You can climb out of one of them...new possibilities of doing things. Maybe it isn't even dogs. What's out there through some windows arond you.
Scott and Missy, thanks for the support. I am looking at a lot of different options. There's no reason to box myself in. It is important to see what is around me at the moment.
I'm so sorry you're going thru this. I've just started following you on Twitter & found your blog. Having been through a couple of very similar job issues due to chronic illnesses, I feel your hurt @ lost friendships & anger @ mismanagement. What's so hard about handling things in the proper, professional way? I just had to retire my Dental Hygiene
license at the end of the year with 20+ yrs dedicated & I loved my career. But, I do believe other doors will open for for you, though they may not be what you expect; or, you may have to crawl through a few windows to find your new nichè. As someone said
to me, "You'll always be a Dental
Hygienist" ; You'll always have
the specialized knowledge to
work & have that relationship
with canines. You are going to be
OK … on to better things. Who knows what's going to behind one of those doors? :+) And … YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON … just ask your four-legged friends, for you know they never lie. ;-) Plus, you've got some really devoted two-legged fans, too!
HUGS~ Monica
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