Here's another episode of Tiptoe's latest dating drama. If you are bored with these posts, then feel free to give this a pass.
Since my last post of my FAIL weekend, I haven't had any more awful dating experiences. But then again, I haven't put myself out there much due to my busy work schedule. Except for one case--a guy who winked and e-mailed me on match last month. He is a surgeon a few hours away from me. And yes, I did google him to see if he was legit, and I'm glad to report he is.
He's been different from some of the other match guys. Instead of doing the usual e-mail thing like the majority have, he texted me instead (btw coffee and scrabble guy still texts me occasionally with very bizarre notes--nothing risque, just a bit odd). I found it slightly odd that if he had my number why he didn't just call, but I wasn't going to dismiss him for that. I knew as a surgeon, he was likely a pretty busy guy. Therefore, I asked when a good time would be to chat.
We chatted a bit--he seems like an interesting guy. He loves dogs which is a big plus. We talked about medicine and other common interests. I thought this might be a winner here, or at least eligible for a date or two. Then, he said a bombshell. His brother had passed away 6 months ago out of the blue--apparently was healthy and just keeled over. Naturally, he was still dealing with this and sounded like he was throwing himself into work, working a lot more overtime. But at the same time, he said it made him not want to regret things in life. So okay, he was being honest. It was commendable.
Since my schedule became free this weekend, I asked if he would be in town. It turns out he was visiting some friends nearby, so I told him to give me a ring if he wanted to meet. We met yesterday at a public park square type of place and headed to a Latin-Asian fusion restaurant. The conversation went well overall, with each of us giving more details of our background, etc. Again, this looked a bit promising.
Afterwards, we briefly walked around and looked at some shops. Then, as we were both about to depart (he was exhausted from a long work week), he said that right now he is really depressed with everything--work (he's actually thinking about leaving his group practice), his life, where he is, etc. Immediately, red flags go off in my head. First off, how many people really divulge they are depressed on a first date? Secondly, do I want to be involved with someone who is depressed or better yet found me when he was in a depressed state of mind? This of course is not to stigmatize those with depression. My teens and twenties were depression-induced years, so I certainly know how it feels. It's one of those moments where I ask myself if I want to be in a savior type mode? And truthfully, I don't. I've been there and done that, and it was time-consuming, stressful, and worrisome.
So this leads me to the question, if you see these red flag signs, what would you do? Would you wait to see if he is able to sort it out, then perhaps presume dating? Or would you just nix this possible match all together? I think a part of me would feel really guilty about dumping him since I know how it is to feel rejected--awful!
On a side note, the Latin-Asian dish I had last night was quite tasty. It was a summer salad consisting of greens, avocados, and carrots with a lime cumin vinaigrette. If anyone has any good Latin-Asian fusion recipes, feel free to share.