Saturday, June 26, 2010

Curiosity killed the cat, but...

I can say that curiosity didn't kill me this time. Awhile ago, I mentioned that my boss decided to get a dog scale. We discussed this a bit, and I said my qualms over the scale. She seemed to understand and agreed that it would only be used for long term boarders and not on an everyday basis.

Since we are not boarding yet, the scale isn't being used. However, the location of this scale is right by the door that leads to outside potty and play areas. Thus, I pass the scale at least a dozen times a day. I've never been truly "chained" to the scale, but many times in the past, my curiosity would get the best of me, and I'd hop on a scale as free opportunity. When I did this, the scale would provide an array or emotions. On one end was sadness, feeling upset, feeling worse about myself, feeling like I failed, utter dismay at myself, or a feeling of loathness. Then, on the opposite end, was giddiness when numbers dropped, a sense of "high," elation, exuberance. However, there was also the middle end of the spectrum of feeling confused why my numbers had dropped or risen or feeling surprised why my weight stayed the same or lost or gained. Ahh such a conundrum!

This past week, I wound up jumping on the scale, but the interesting thing wasn't so much the fact of the number, a number which I've been lower and higher before, but rather the less intensity of the number. Right now, it's more a feeling of feeling "flabby" than fat. But the interesting thing is that I'm able to give myself permission rather than beration if this makes any sense. I know my schedule has been busy, that my "flabbiness" is probably due to hardly any formal exercising. This makes me question nowadays how people who are single with children with full-time jobs fit in exercise. It's not an easy task. Maybe, it's more that my priorities have changed. And for now, I'm okay with that.


James Clayton said...

All the emotions you write about in the second paragraph are so true for me. Even if I'm not 'chained to the scale', I go through that conundrum every time the issue of being weighed is raised - in that way I guess I'm mentally and emotionally chained.

Anyway, thanks as always for sharing your thoughts. Take care of yourself and don't work too hard!

Kim said...

I'm a lot like you -- never really chained to the scale, but curious from time to time. I do think it's better for me to stay away from it, in general. I know the number doesn't have much power over me anymore, but I can still fixate and overthink it. I'm healthy, so it doesn't really matter to me if I'm up or down that much. I know what you mean about the "flabby" fear. I deal with that. At the same time, when I analyze my priorities, I just don't value exercise THAT much. I have far too many other things that come before that. As long as I'm healthy, I'm trying not to care if I don't have the "rock hard" body or whatever.

Tiptoe said...

James, thanks so much for your comments. It's the whole/emotional thing that is so hard with scales!

Kim, as always, we relate! Seriously though, it's a good thing in a way that our priorities have change. It does make for such a more fulfilled life.