The second disagreement was on bed washing. I felt it was kind of dumb to wash the beds every single day when 1) it is the same dogs coming in on certain days, 2) some dogs like their scent on stuff, 3) it is not very eco-friendly at all--wastes water, 4) wears out the bedding a lot faster, and 5) some dogs are there for only 3 hours or so and then come a second day during the week. My theory was to wash the bedding every week unless it was really dirty or stained, etc. After I said my viewpoint, and A,. just said it was her personal preference (she's very germophobic), I just let it go, not really thinking about it again. (This was during the week, not at our appt. so none of this was said)
So after all this, I thought the appt. would be over, but A. decided to ask me questions like "why did I decided to come here, what were my expectations, hopes, desires, etc., was I reaching those goals," and other questions along the same line. This threw me for a loop, because I wasn't expecting it at all and she already knows why I came here. I obliged and answered the questions thoughtfully which I guess made her happy.
However, there were a few remarks that leave questionmarks in my head. One is that A. said "I want this to work." I guess I'm wondering if she is second guessing herself as to "choosing" me to be there.
Another is that she feels we usually have good rapport before and during class but not the rest of the day. Honestly, I don't see here that much throughout the day aside from passing info. along about the dogs and doing our own computer work.
Another is that she says she is picky (true), but she views me as relaxed. I'm beginning to think she doesn't know me as well as she thinks. She said this to our dog consultant who just reiterated the fact how good it was to be picky when running a business. Certainly, I agree, but A's statement gives off the impression I'm not which is highly untrue. I think A. also doubts my leadership ability if I had to confront a future employee about something they were doing wrong, could be better, etc.
A. knows my previous situation and doesn't want this environment to be the same which I highly commend. But at the same time, it is a bit similar too. The difference is me actually. I don't want to be always be worrying whether I'm doing something right or that I'm going to anger that person or face conflict, etc. Even though A is different from my previous employer in that she is much more direct (other employer was more passive aggressive) and supportive, I'm beginning to feel this creeping in, and that is just not cool. That feeds the ED and overexercise component like crazy, and that is not where I want to be. Currently, I'm doing okay (no exercise in months literally), but do see a few behaviors slipping through like weighing myself every week (I want to justify this with my latest ice cream habit which will be another post) and general body checking. Though I know much of this is internal, my work or school environment has always been an attributable factor to my health. Of course, I know I can go on for a long time in a difficult work environment--did for almost 10 years, but it is not necessarily what I want nor deserve.
A. says she wants me to tell her when she says something harshly or to call her out on something. This is really hard for me, because as a general rule, people really don't like criticism and take things personally. This was evident by something I said to her a month or so ago after she had told me to be truthful to her. I highly doubt A. wants me to be some robot and agree with every single thing she says, but I feel like I can't win either way.
I'm just a bit bummed about all this. I am hopeful this is just a transitional phase, and we'll each be able to get past it and figure out a way to work together more effectively. (not that we aren't, just that it could be better) Sometimes, communication, though necessary, is a tough battle to navigate.