Sorry for my lag in posting lately. I have a few posts in mind but just haven't gotten them written down fully yet.
I'm going to stray off topic for a moment and talk about Wednesday night's episode of So What You Think You Can Dance. The couple, Melissa and Ade danced a Tice Diorio piece by Maxwell, a cover of Kate Bush's "This Woman's Work" about a woman struggling with breast cancer. It was beautifully danced, wrought with so much emotion.
This piece reminded me of my mother's own breast cancer nearly 13 years ago. I often wonder if I was enough of a support for her, since I was riddled in ED Land. My mom has told me I was one of the only people who treated her like she wasn't sick, that she wasn't going to die, that she was still human. I wonder about that now and whether it was more to do with the fact I had a strong feeling she was going to beat her cancer or whether that was the only way I knew how to deal with it. She's thanked me for treating her like she was "normal," but I think I still hold some guilt for not truly being there in presence. My body was there, but my mind was in some distant universe. And I feel a sense of anger at myself for the ED taking such a huge role in my life at that point-- a point when things could have turned around possibly.
:sigh: There's no point in feeling guilt now. I was just reminded of that time in my life and how I wish I could have done things differently.