Saturday, July 12, 2008


I will forewarn you that this post talks about death, so if you're not in that mood, well you can decide to read or not.

In another one of my dad calling moments, he asked me what I would want if he died. Now, this questions came up out of the blue. He called on a non-designated day, not that he can't call anytime, he has just designated himself to calling on Wednesdays and Sundays. I know when he calls on an off day that it must be a question of concern or just some random thought that popped into his head. This happens frequently, but it's a good and bad thing and sometimes makes me think about things a bit.

So the conversation to the above question went something like this:

Dad: What would you want if I died? Everything would go to D. (his wife) first, but if there is something you want, then you need to let me know. I am redoing my will.
Me: Hmm, I don't know, I hadn't thought about what I would want. Do you mean like possessions?
Dad: Yes. What about the family paintings, you know the one with my great grandfather who looks like me? Or would you rather that goes to Matthew? (his younger brother)
Me: Err, I don't know. I think Matthew might want the pictures more.
Dad: What about making the decisions, funeral plans, etc.? Do you want to do that or do you want Matthew to?
Me: I'd rather that be me I guess.
Dad: What about a headstone? Would you need a place to go to?
Me: I don't know. I always though you wanted your body donated to science anyway?
Dad: Yeah, I thought about that too. But would you still need a headstone? In any case, I do not want my body to be shipped back if I should die overseas. (this was brought up since there was the possibility that he was going to move to Brussels.)
Me: Okay, I will remember that. I'll think about the headstone.

I still have not come up with an answer about the headstone, and currently he hasn't asked. Yeah, I get a little err into that whole avoidance thing when it is something I obviously do not want to talk about nor had even thought about in the first place.

So what has this to do with eating disorders? Well, I think we sometimes forget we can die from this. Or at least go into an invincible state, thinking that really couldn't happen to me. If you still think that, then just check out the something-fishy memorial page. It's a pretty stark reminder that yes those with eating disorder do die. Or if you haven't read Andrea's Voice, it's a reminder of the reality that someone can die from an eating disorder after a short bout of the illness.

I guess where I'm going with this is posing the question what would you want if you died whether it was ED-related or not? Anything can happen today, tomorrow, in a month, a year, etc. It's certainly not something I dwell on, though there were definite periods in my life when I did.

I don't think I even seriously thought about until the whole Terri Schiavo case was brought about to light. I will not go into details as this case often brings up many stirring feelings about the right to life debate. I know for me this case really made me wonder what I would truly want if I died or even became in a state where I could no longer make decisions for myself. It made me want to go out and get a will to ensure that things would be carried out the way I chose.

Have I gotten a will? No. I'm not sure why either. It's one of things that I keep meaning to do. It's something that's on my list that I just haven't gotten around to, although I know I should. For me, one big concern would be the decisions made if I were ever in an incapacitated state and could no longer make decisions for myself. Who would make those decisions for me? My parents? A close friend? I lean towards my parents but what if they aren't there, then who? What I do know for sure is that I would not want "heroic" measures taken to continue my life in which there was slim to no hope that I'd come out "alive."

My other major concern would be my beloved pets. Whom would I want them to live with where I know they would be happy and well taken care of. I always have this fear that my pets would go to an awful home and be very unhappy. I highly doubt that would happen but you just don't know. I could care less about most of my possessions after I'm gone. I'd rather they were donated unless there were items of importance my family wanted to keep. And lastly, I know I'd like a "green" funeral if that could occur (I think it's only accepted in some st ates but can't remember right off hand) and be buried where a dogwood tree would grow taking care of me.

Yeah I know, I just need to put all this stuff on paper and make it official, etc. Maybe this will help keep me accountable to that.

So my question is do you have a will? Have you thought about a will? What's important to you after your death if that should occur (though of course hopefully not anytime soon)? What would be your last wishes?

I know this is kind of a morbid post, but I think it's important to consider every once in awhile. Though death isn't the most pleasant thing to think about, life can be taken away in an instant.

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