I'll just warn you now that this is more of a vent than anything else. I wrote about whenever I ran the laundry, it would back into my tub. I told my landlord about it, and he said he would look at it. I honestly do not think he did jack, because nothing is fixed. And now my problems are worse. The toilet keeps backing up. It overflowed on me three times on Friday. Luckily, that was just water.
On Saturday, I was so incredibly paranoid about it that I didn't use the bathroom for over 12 hours. Yes, not very healthy I know. Then this morning, I made a huge mistake. I HAD to go and my worst fear happened. The toilet did not overflow but almost. Then everything was just backing into both tubs. It was completely gross and awful. I bleached, sprayed, etc. the tubs and anything I used to clean up that mess and just pray that it slowly drains. I now have a thorough appreciation or what plumbers have to go through.
I called my landlord again this morning, and he said he would call the plumber. I called the plumber as well to no avail and left a message. This whole situation is so ridiculous. I know the septic tank problem and electrical problems hit my landlord hard financially, but isn't this his job when you have a tenant? In the six years, I've been here, I've hardly called him for any problems. I'm just so f*cking frustrated. I told my landlord that this really needed to be fixed, because I had company coming in a week in a half and the marathon is less than two weeks away. I'm completely mortified of the whole situation anyway, moire or less anyone who was a guest here having to deal with this problem.
I have not told my father about this situation, knowing he would have a bitchfitch about it and then tell me that I really needed to move from here (though sometimes I think this is some sort of sign). However, I'm tempted, only because people have a tendency to listen to him. Unfortunately, sometimes I think that it is mostly out of fear more than anything else. But at the same time, I want to be able to fight my own battles too.
:sigh: I'm just so completely stressed out over this. It makes me want to not eat for just the mere fact of not having to use facilities. Very stupid reason I know.
Well, I'm off to take my car to the shop. I'm hoping it's an easy fix, so I can have my car back quickly. I have a gazillion errands to do this week.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Lettuce Ladies, veganism, and other thoughts
I recently signed up for daily e-mail alerts from earthtimes, an online news service that provides articles on a variety of topics worldwide. I figured it would be good to receive news from different sources, especially when it comes to world affairs. Anyway, this one caught my eye just due to the title:
Sexy 'lettuce ladies' urge Filipinos to become vegetarians
I really had no idea what the "lettuce ladies" were. Apparently, the "Lettuce Ladies" are just another one of PETA's groups, proclaiming how everyone should be vegan. I do admit I find it kind of funny women walking around in lettuce, but then again what other vegetable product could they have used that would actually cover their assets?
I think the whole reasoning behind veganism is interesting. Sometimes it seems like the "hip" thing to do as the emphasis on helping the environment has become so meshed with our culture. No doubt the environment does need our help if we want one for years to come, but sometimes I wonder if there are better ways to get the point across without having it in your face as PETA groups often do. I think it's one reason why people are so turned off by PETA and similar groups.
Anyway, getting back to my point here. People who do become vegan or vegetarian do so for many reasons. Some for ethical or environmental reasons. Others do so to become healthier. Then, there are also those with eating disorders who use veganism as a guise for their eating disorder. I've known several eating disordered persons who did not become vegetarian or vegan until they had an eating disorder. It can be easy to say you don't eat this or that, because you are vegan or vegetarian. I know some people who have grappled with the question of reverting back to eating animal products or not when they began to recover. Some did revert back to eating meat after realizing they were only vegan or vegetarian due to their eating behaviors. However, others stuck with it and are satisfied with that choice.
When I think back to when my eating disorder began in my mid-teens, I too stopped eating meat and declared myself vegetarian. This used to get my father upset since I was quite a meat eater as a kid and a member of the "clean plate club." He never understood this concept of not eating meat and even used to try to get me to taste certain food items with meat in it. In some ways, honestly, I think the Ed was partial to me deciding to become vegetarian. However, at the same time, 12 years later, I still don't eat many meat products. Over the years, I have adjusted my food habits to eating fish products, but that's the only "meat" item I eat. My parents have now accepted this and actually attribute my "good" eating habits to helping them eat less meat and more vegetables and fruits. .
So whenever I'm asked the question if I would ever eat meat again, I say no, I don't miss it. This is true 95% of the time. But I think every once in a deep moon, I do think about eating a piece of ham or turkey or something of the like. I never do though. Maybe it's still some part of me that won't allow myself to go there. Maybe I still hold some association to eating meat? I know I am like that with spaghetti which I still have trouble with. Hmm, this is probably when I should be pulling out my recently bought Food and Feelings Workbook. I have yet to crack it open yet but have signed up for the yahoo group.
Anyway, I'll definitely have to think about this some more as to my real, official reasons for being vegetarian or piscatarean as I like to call myself. It's never quite as simple for me to answer. There is always complexity to it. :sigh:
By the way, besides the Lettuce Ladies, there is also the "Broccoli Boys" as well.
Sexy 'lettuce ladies' urge Filipinos to become vegetarians
I really had no idea what the "lettuce ladies" were. Apparently, the "Lettuce Ladies" are just another one of PETA's groups, proclaiming how everyone should be vegan. I do admit I find it kind of funny women walking around in lettuce, but then again what other vegetable product could they have used that would actually cover their assets?
I think the whole reasoning behind veganism is interesting. Sometimes it seems like the "hip" thing to do as the emphasis on helping the environment has become so meshed with our culture. No doubt the environment does need our help if we want one for years to come, but sometimes I wonder if there are better ways to get the point across without having it in your face as PETA groups often do. I think it's one reason why people are so turned off by PETA and similar groups.
Anyway, getting back to my point here. People who do become vegan or vegetarian do so for many reasons. Some for ethical or environmental reasons. Others do so to become healthier. Then, there are also those with eating disorders who use veganism as a guise for their eating disorder. I've known several eating disordered persons who did not become vegetarian or vegan until they had an eating disorder. It can be easy to say you don't eat this or that, because you are vegan or vegetarian. I know some people who have grappled with the question of reverting back to eating animal products or not when they began to recover. Some did revert back to eating meat after realizing they were only vegan or vegetarian due to their eating behaviors. However, others stuck with it and are satisfied with that choice.
When I think back to when my eating disorder began in my mid-teens, I too stopped eating meat and declared myself vegetarian. This used to get my father upset since I was quite a meat eater as a kid and a member of the "clean plate club." He never understood this concept of not eating meat and even used to try to get me to taste certain food items with meat in it. In some ways, honestly, I think the Ed was partial to me deciding to become vegetarian. However, at the same time, 12 years later, I still don't eat many meat products. Over the years, I have adjusted my food habits to eating fish products, but that's the only "meat" item I eat. My parents have now accepted this and actually attribute my "good" eating habits to helping them eat less meat and more vegetables and fruits. .
So whenever I'm asked the question if I would ever eat meat again, I say no, I don't miss it. This is true 95% of the time. But I think every once in a deep moon, I do think about eating a piece of ham or turkey or something of the like. I never do though. Maybe it's still some part of me that won't allow myself to go there. Maybe I still hold some association to eating meat? I know I am like that with spaghetti which I still have trouble with. Hmm, this is probably when I should be pulling out my recently bought Food and Feelings Workbook. I have yet to crack it open yet but have signed up for the yahoo group.
Anyway, I'll definitely have to think about this some more as to my real, official reasons for being vegetarian or piscatarean as I like to call myself. It's never quite as simple for me to answer. There is always complexity to it. :sigh:
By the way, besides the Lettuce Ladies, there is also the "Broccoli Boys" as well.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
America the beautiful
I was browsing the NEDA website and saw this in their news section. There is a new documentary called "America the Beautiful" which will be featured in Chicago theaters in late April or May (website says April 25 and May 9). The film's premise is looking at America's obsession with beauty, how we got there, and the extremes that we go through to attain "beauty." The documentary has already been shown at several film festivals with positive feedback. If the showing goes well in Chicago, then it will also open in select locations of New York and Los Angelos.
Unfortunately, I'm not near these cities, but hopefully, the showing will go well, so it can open nationwide. This looks like it could be a worthwhile film.
Unfortunately, I'm not near these cities, but hopefully, the showing will go well, so it can open nationwide. This looks like it could be a worthwhile film.
Jenni Schafer named NEDA Ambassador
If you're not aware of Jenni Schaefer, she is the author of Life Without ED: how one woman declared independence from her eating disorder and how you can to. She joins the likes of other ambassadors, including Jessica Weiner, Emme, Paula Abdul, and several others. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it took them this long to name her. She's done a lot for awareness of eating disorders and her story has touched many people.
I read her book a few years ago and did find parts of it helpful. I think there is something for anyone in the book even if you don't agree with everything Jenni may say. She uses some good analogies as well to explain eating disorders, perceptions, etc. She also gives good recovery advice in a simple, effective manner. Jenni also has a recovery support blog through the gurze website.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Food thoughts
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about food. I always found it funny how lay people would think people with eating disorders really don't think about food when it's the very opposite. The brain become starved for food, and that's when the obsession sets in. My thinking of food isn't really about though. I don't consider myself in a starved state right now. Actually, my thoughts are due to several things.
One reason is just due to the marathon and wanting to be healthy and eat sufficiently. I've been trying to look at food solely as fuel for the body without adding all those moral attachments. I'm not as successful as I'd like to be, but I try to remain optimistic that one day I'll get to that point.
I think in general, however, I fight this a lot. This feeling of wanting to be healthy but really afraid of that word "healthy" too. Most people who look at me think I'm very healthy physically and mentally speaking. They believe that I am a healthy eater, eating my daily servings of everything from the food pyramid. They think I don't eat candy, cookies, candy bars, ice cream, or anything that would be considered "unhealthy, processed foods." Truth be told, sure I eat some of this stuff and then still wreak my brain as to why I'm even eating it. Do I really enjoy it? No. Or maybe I don't allow myself to enjoy it since guilt is the residual feeling.
Then recently I finished In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan.
I wrote a post about it briefly when it came out on how excited I was to read this book. Well, it wasn't as exciting as I thought. It was still a good book, and he did say things I agree with. However, it left me feeling guilty and uncomfortable for even eating any type of processed food. No, I don't think I'm orthorexic though maybe at times border that line. I think, unfortunately, if I could afford everything organic, this type of obsession which orthorexics display could easily arise. I actually think in some sort of bizarre way my obsession with wheat thins and animal crackers keeps me at bay from falling into that trap. They are really the only refined processed food I eat daily, though too much of it at times that my parents like to tell me they are my own foods groups.
Maybe I left feeling the way I did from the book, because I have food problems anyway? I'm not sure really. It just leaves me grappling in this constant state of flux that I'm not sure how to get out of. Maybe if I didn't place so many expectations on myself or even care so much what people thought, these moralistic thoughts wouldn't take hold of me so much.
The funny thing about all this is that I've often told clients in our dog obedience classes that they should buy the best food they can afford for their dogs. I've always been a firm believer that diets do affect behavior, and I've seen this with dogs a lot. I guess maybe I should follow my own advice and not berate myself for being completely organic or the ultra health person.
It's just sometimes hard when that's how everyone seems to perceive you. What would it mean if I was not that ultra health person? Maybe I only feel this way, because it's still a guise for my eating disorder thoughts? I'll have to think more on this and figure out what's really holding me back in all this.
One reason is just due to the marathon and wanting to be healthy and eat sufficiently. I've been trying to look at food solely as fuel for the body without adding all those moral attachments. I'm not as successful as I'd like to be, but I try to remain optimistic that one day I'll get to that point.
I think in general, however, I fight this a lot. This feeling of wanting to be healthy but really afraid of that word "healthy" too. Most people who look at me think I'm very healthy physically and mentally speaking. They believe that I am a healthy eater, eating my daily servings of everything from the food pyramid. They think I don't eat candy, cookies, candy bars, ice cream, or anything that would be considered "unhealthy, processed foods." Truth be told, sure I eat some of this stuff and then still wreak my brain as to why I'm even eating it. Do I really enjoy it? No. Or maybe I don't allow myself to enjoy it since guilt is the residual feeling.
Then recently I finished In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan.
I wrote a post about it briefly when it came out on how excited I was to read this book. Well, it wasn't as exciting as I thought. It was still a good book, and he did say things I agree with. However, it left me feeling guilty and uncomfortable for even eating any type of processed food. No, I don't think I'm orthorexic though maybe at times border that line. I think, unfortunately, if I could afford everything organic, this type of obsession which orthorexics display could easily arise. I actually think in some sort of bizarre way my obsession with wheat thins and animal crackers keeps me at bay from falling into that trap. They are really the only refined processed food I eat daily, though too much of it at times that my parents like to tell me they are my own foods groups.
Maybe I left feeling the way I did from the book, because I have food problems anyway? I'm not sure really. It just leaves me grappling in this constant state of flux that I'm not sure how to get out of. Maybe if I didn't place so many expectations on myself or even care so much what people thought, these moralistic thoughts wouldn't take hold of me so much.
The funny thing about all this is that I've often told clients in our dog obedience classes that they should buy the best food they can afford for their dogs. I've always been a firm believer that diets do affect behavior, and I've seen this with dogs a lot. I guess maybe I should follow my own advice and not berate myself for being completely organic or the ultra health person.
It's just sometimes hard when that's how everyone seems to perceive you. What would it mean if I was not that ultra health person? Maybe I only feel this way, because it's still a guise for my eating disorder thoughts? I'll have to think more on this and figure out what's really holding me back in all this.
Still awake
Actually, I'm quite exhausted and know I need to go to bed but wanted to put a few thoughts down for the day. Today was full of positives and negatives.
First the negatives: I spoke to my landlord about the whole septic tank problem. I wasn't sure whether he and the plumber guy were coming back, because they just left everything in my yard. Apparently, my landlord came on Sunday and did some work, but it isn't a simple fix and will take time. He was not happy with the cost of this.
I also let him know about a circuit going out yesterday. For some reason, my light to the back bedrooms/bathroom, porch light are now not coming on, my bathroom outlet suddenly stopped working, and my freezers went out. Luckily, I could just use the extension cord I just bought and change the big freezer to a different outlet. Then, I was doing laundry, and I heard this bubbling sound. I have no clue about this, but the water was going into my bathtub. I haven't told my landlord about this yet. I'm sure he will be so happy to hear this. (Sarcasm)
Positives for the day:
I went on a long run. It went really well overall, however, my hamstring and knees are very sore. I really needed this long run. My confidence was down the past few weeks, so this was a nice boost.
I got my taxes done and e-filed. This was a big stressor for me. I'm not a procrastinator, but it's the fact that I don't get simple W-2 like normal employed people. It's confusing, but I finally got an answer from my boss as to why I don't get the normal W-2. The good thing is that she paid whatever I owed in taxes.
I had to really contemplate dinner tonight. I was tired and really wanted to just skip it. However, I knew if I did that, it would just set me up for failure in the eating department. For me, if I don't eat something for dinner, it can easily spiral downhill. It's like I go into autopilot and then begin restricting. So eating anyway was a good thing.
This last one could be a positive or negative depending on how you look at it. I finished my training logs for the past 4 months. I wanted to be able to have a quick glance at mileage and stats. However, at the same time, I can get obsessed with the numbers too.
Tomorrow , I'm hoping to sleep in if my dogs will let me and just get a few things done around here. I know I will have to mow again this week before the forecast of rain at the end of the week. That's one thing, my grass grows really fast! It's nice, pretty, and green, but the mowing is often high volume. I guess the good thing about is that I really like the smell of mowed lawns.
First the negatives: I spoke to my landlord about the whole septic tank problem. I wasn't sure whether he and the plumber guy were coming back, because they just left everything in my yard. Apparently, my landlord came on Sunday and did some work, but it isn't a simple fix and will take time. He was not happy with the cost of this.
I also let him know about a circuit going out yesterday. For some reason, my light to the back bedrooms/bathroom, porch light are now not coming on, my bathroom outlet suddenly stopped working, and my freezers went out. Luckily, I could just use the extension cord I just bought and change the big freezer to a different outlet. Then, I was doing laundry, and I heard this bubbling sound. I have no clue about this, but the water was going into my bathtub. I haven't told my landlord about this yet. I'm sure he will be so happy to hear this. (Sarcasm)
Positives for the day:
I went on a long run. It went really well overall, however, my hamstring and knees are very sore. I really needed this long run. My confidence was down the past few weeks, so this was a nice boost.
I got my taxes done and e-filed. This was a big stressor for me. I'm not a procrastinator, but it's the fact that I don't get simple W-2 like normal employed people. It's confusing, but I finally got an answer from my boss as to why I don't get the normal W-2. The good thing is that she paid whatever I owed in taxes.
I had to really contemplate dinner tonight. I was tired and really wanted to just skip it. However, I knew if I did that, it would just set me up for failure in the eating department. For me, if I don't eat something for dinner, it can easily spiral downhill. It's like I go into autopilot and then begin restricting. So eating anyway was a good thing.
This last one could be a positive or negative depending on how you look at it. I finished my training logs for the past 4 months. I wanted to be able to have a quick glance at mileage and stats. However, at the same time, I can get obsessed with the numbers too.
Tomorrow , I'm hoping to sleep in if my dogs will let me and just get a few things done around here. I know I will have to mow again this week before the forecast of rain at the end of the week. That's one thing, my grass grows really fast! It's nice, pretty, and green, but the mowing is often high volume. I guess the good thing about is that I really like the smell of mowed lawns.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Genetics and eating disorders
I came across this article today in the Toronto Star, a Canadian paper about eating disorders and genetics. Although this area of research has become more known and accepted, I think it's still important to emphasize, especially when socio-cultural headlines dominate the media. This article gives a nice outline into how the studies evolved and what researchers are looking for today.
This spring, a large National Institutes of Mental Health sponsored study will wrap up. This specific gene study analyzes samples of DNA from families who have two or more members with anorexia. I'm interested to see the outcomes of this study as it could shed more light into the role genetics play in eating disorders and its development.
This spring, a large National Institutes of Mental Health sponsored study will wrap up. This specific gene study analyzes samples of DNA from families who have two or more members with anorexia. I'm interested to see the outcomes of this study as it could shed more light into the role genetics play in eating disorders and its development.
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