Sober

Right now, I have this song "Sober" by P!nk in my head. It's only been recently that I really listened to the lyrics and found how powerful they are. Although the song itself is about substance abuse, and the life of the party, I think it is easily applicable to eating disorders. Here are the lyrics from the middle of the song. The rest of the lyrics can be found here.

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?

No pain Inside
You're like protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
I won't remember, save your breath, 'cos what's the use?

Aahh, the night is calling?
And it whispers to me softly come and play
But I, I am falling
And If I let myself go I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?

No pain Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm coming down, coming down, coming down
Spinning 'round, spinning 'round, spinning 'round
Looking for myself - SOBER (x2)

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again
Broken down in agony just tryna find a fit

There are a variety of ways to look at this song, and everyone's interpretation is unique and subjective. For me, this song is twofold. Some of the lyrics resonate the aspects of the eating disorder--the starvation, the "honeymoon" period, the "highness," the numbness, the falling down.

Other parts of the lyrics remind me of the search for myself--"the you that you once had." The chorus line of "But how do I feel this good sober?" asks a question many of us strive to answer. Whether it is simply finding life without the ED or in learning to feel good about yourself just the way you are, we all can relate.

The video for this song sparked a lot of buzz when it debuted in late November. I had not known the controversy until hearing about it on the radio. I can certainly tell how it might be considered controversial, but I think the video is trying to portray the lyrics. P!nk, herself, said here that "Eventually it had nothing to do with alcohol but with identities. "'How do I feel so good with just me, without anyone to lean on?'"

You think about it and so many of us are afraid of ourselves, of being who we really are. We live in such an age where we feel the need to be something, somebody, some body we are not versus just simply accepting who we are as individuals. I wish this was a simple change, and we could all be hunky dory and feel okay with ourselves. But life doesn't happen that way. It all takes time, one small step at a time. Someday, I hope to get to that point.