Sunday, August 14, 2011

Just ranting

It's funny, because it has only been a week since I last posted, however, it feels like forever.  I guess in some ways I haven't had much to say.  Life is well life--still job searching, still trying to figure out what it is exactly I want to do, trying to figure out my moral ethics and beliefs on a variety of topics, whether a marathon is really doable this fall, etc.  All good food for thought but can make you crazy and frustrated too.

I guess the job search is probably the most frustrating out of all these topics, because when it boils down to it, you need some sort of money to live.  It is unfortunate that money has to have so much meaning, but it just does. 

The other thing that bothers me is that I may apply for xx amount of jobs and get nowhere simply because I fall short of one criteria.  It truly sucks.  I've talked with HR people on how this works, and for some employers, if you are one criteria short, you are immediately chucked from the pile even if you may be the coolest, hardest working type person. 

I read an article a few months ago about a guy who committed suicide, because he could not get employed after two years of searching.  Whether this man may have had a mental illness, I do not know, but that isn't really the point.  Even those people who are mentally sound, and may do all the right things, it still does not always work out.  They may not get to a point of suicide, but yes, they can get frustrated and depressed.  It just reminds me how fierce the job market is and how much talent may be missed.  Sometimes, I feel like it is the HR people that can make you or break you.

It's a scary time for me and many people who are jobless right now.  I've thought about a lot of things--what I could do, what I need to do, whether going back to school is an option, etc., but everything is incredibly scary.  Even if you invest and believe in something, it does not guarantee you will come out on top.  You may or everything may flop, and then you are right where you started before or worse.  With school, both taken time and money--both of which I feel like I do not have enough of. 

I know I'm ranting here, and I try not to discuss this too much on here as I do not want to appear like I am whining or depressed or woe is me, etc.  I guess the good thing with this all is that I haven't reverted back to ED.  Times of stress in the past has caused me to go running backwards.  I can't say the idea has not crossed my mind, as sometimes I do think it would be nice to slice my food budget.  But deep down, I know it solves nothing and only creates worse problems.  Certainly, that in and of itself is a nice victory, but still my head kind of minimizes it, thinking I should be past this point by now.  I should be able to endure anything that comes my way.

I'll end this post with highlights or not so highlights of this week:
  • I know I at least have a bartending gig in mid September.  I'm hoping this will provide an outlet for networking.
  • I finished Clover's weave poles--all ten of them!
  • Thursday turned out to have a little of Murphy's Law.  I was going to meet with a few people for Search and Rescue work.  Well, that didn't work out, but I already made plans with a few people to visit them.  I did visit with a few, but all the times were shortened. 
  • On Friday, I had to take my netbook to the computer shop.  I discovered Clover had chewed part of the powercord, so my netbook was spouting out "cricket-like" sounds and giving me the blue screen of death.  I'm hopeful it is just the cord and the computer is not damaged.
  • Friday night, my mom was painting and fell.  She broke her humerus bone in several places.  She is miserable and in pain, but I'm thankful it was not worse like a cracked skull or something.
  • Yesterday, I did another Search and Rescue training with some other trainers.  I try to go to this facility 1-2 times a month, as they do similar training.  We also use similar training techniques.  Tovah is doing well overall, but this training definitely takes time.


Sensory Overload said...

Goodness; what a bit you've been through in a week! It seems to happen that way doesn't it? (I do hope you have a reprieve from the onslaught of it all.)

When I think "ranting"; I actually believe this is a way to release what has gathered that simply needs a space of acknowledgement and maybe even a letting go. You do not appear whiny or depressed by any means. Simply REAL. What you are experiencing is the truth for you and sharing about it isn't so much a rant as it is what is. (Hope that makes sense.)

Even though the idea of reverting to the eating disorder aspects has crossed your mind; everything involved; you've come out able to say that you've had a victory. And to this I say CHEERS! It's great to be able to acknowledge this and realize the strides you've taken.

I have the mentality that what is given to me, I should be able to handle. Yet, that enduring does not have to be alone. And I hope that YOU will reach out if you do need support. You (we) deserve it.

I hope that what comes in the days ahead will yield a positive feel for you and you are able to go about simply being with some ease.

Thank you for sharing what you do, because for me (and I'm sure others) finding something in common helps for one to feel less alone.

From a standpoint of someone knowing a bit about electronics...if it was just the cord; that can be replaced. It shouldn't effect the memory, hard drive etc. of your netbook.

Be well and take care of you!

Kaylee said...

I'm so sorry things are frustrating right now. I can't even imagine how stressful the job situation must be, but it sounds like you are doing all the right things and you never know when unexpected opportunities may pop up.

I am so inspired by how you are moving forward and pushing the ED thoughts aside. You have so much going for you and a slip would only take you backwards. Just imagine how ill-equipped you would be to handle everything if your health were in jeopardy. Good luck and things WILL turn around!

ola said...

What a week:( We have a saying in my language that says: "bad things always make up an appointment over the corner and come together".

This situation sucks, but you are incredibly strong, Tiptoe. Living it, handling it without slipping and writing about it. And at the same time I hope you have someone really close that is helping (well someone human and speaking:)) and who can hear your "rants" and hug you.

I hope this new week will bring something good, better, best into your life, because you definitely deserve it so much! And I hope your mum will recover soon. Keep going Tiptoe, your endurance is admirable and keep taking care and resting as well.

Aargh all I've written now is somehow empty-sounding and I wish I could go and make the fate/HR people open their eyes and give you the opportunity you deserve. xx

Sarah @ Bearing, Eating, Being said...

I'm glad the netbook wasn't too expensive to fix! Clover is such a little rascal. You are such a good "pet mom!"

Just keep hanging in there with your job hunt. I can't imagine how hard it is :( You've been very proactive, though, to find temp jobs and attend bartending school to build your skills, and it sounds like you network at dog events, so at least you're not sitting around blaming the HR people--you're actually taking steps to improve your situation. That is really commendable because I know it is very challenging to stay productive and proactive when you feel rejection a lot. Have you read "What Color Is My Parachute?"