Sunday, October 2, 2011

My stress-o-meter just went up

So, as in my last post, I said how I was busy and overwhelmed. Check, still am. However, now, that stress-o-meter went up a notch. I thought I had everything set for who was going to take care of my dogs and Clover while I was gone. Both my neighbors agreed to help out. Well, one of my neighbors cancelled on me. This is the same neighbor whom I had been reminding for months about it, suggested that she needed to write it down, so she would remember the dates, etc. She agreed and said she could, and told me to remind her.

When I called today, she said "I need to take care of myself, my family, and my God." She went on to explain that she has learned that she is too trusting, too gullible, needs to start saying no, how she has realized some people do not have her best interest at heart, how some people are manipulative, etc. Now, I know she was not addressing this personally to me, but damn, it sure felt like it for some reason.

I understand having a lot on your plate (trying to recover from alcoholism, having lung surgery at the end of the month), no doubt, but couldn't she have decided this like a month ago? There were some hurtful things said, and though neither or us want enemies (that seems like a strong word here), I've pretty much learned that I cannot depend on this neighbor anymore at all. It's an awful feeling, because I really wanted to have some neighbors that I could depend on or at least have a nice relationship of looking out for one another. I guess in the end, everything winds up about money, or at least that is a component somewhere even if no one admits it.

Sometimes, this is the time when I wish I was married or had a significant other. That way, I wouldn't have to worry about my animals being in someone else's care while I was gone. I know what my options are: pet sitter or boarding--just don't know whether either will work out for different reasons. But I have to make something work in the end.

6 comments:

Katie said...

Argh, that sounds like a really frustrating situation. Your neighbour's reaction reminds me of the bit in Life Without Ed where Jenny Schaefer talks about going from saying yes to everything to saying no to everything because she was still trying to work out where her boundaries were. It's really easy to overdo it when you start and see everyone as imposing on you or trying to walk all over you. Then of course you get some perspective! I hope things improve with your neighbour over time and that you manage to find a new pet sitting :)

Tia said...

I hope things work out for you :(
thinking of you.

Cammy said...

Oh I feel your frustration on this; finding care for my dog is a huge issue when traveling, and it's so frustrating when people back out on you. I hope you find something!

Sarah @ Bearing, Eating, Being said...

Me too! I wish I lived closer so I could help you out with them. I think Java and Tovah would be good friends :) And Java and Clover are about the same size...

I hope you can find help. And about your neighbor, I agree 100% with what the first commenter said...my brother said some VERY hurtful things to me when he was fresh out of rehab and I had to try really hard not to take it personally (even though it felt personal and oftentimes, I think, was.) People dealing with a substance abuse problem are so raw and I think it is easy for them to lash out and spill their poison somewhere else so they don't have to carry it around. It doesn't mean it's fair, and it doesn't mean you have to take it, but in my situation with my brother it did me more good to forgive him and move on than to try to assert my own boundaries because that would make him even more confrontational. In time, he has gotten a lot better as living healthfully became less work. Just my experience...

Tiptoe said...

Everyone, thanks for your support. I do not have everything resolved yet, but at least I have some contacts/potential people. Just waiting to hear back now.

Katie, you are right, that sometimes people go to the other extreme. This wouldn't have bothered me so much as this was a big trip known about for months.

Tia, thanks for the support.

Cammy, yes, it is difficult and even more so with a bunny. Hope to find something soon.

Sarah, I wish you lived closer too! I think Java and Tovah would be good buddies.

You are right-I know it isn't necessarily personal but definitely hard. It just comes to a point that I just can't rely on her for this stuff. Maybe if she were in a healthier state of mind, it might be different. Maybe had I thanked her profusely through money or otherwise, maybe that would have made a difference. But I doubt it honestly. It is just a tough situation all around.

Midnitefyrfly said...

I hope you get it figured out. I am sorry it didn't work out like you had hoped. I don't really have neighbors I can rely on for anything and I wish I did. I miss that feeling from when I was a kid and all of the neighbors were like an extended family.