Gearing up for trip number 2

On Tuesday, I leave again for a large dog conference. A month ago, I would have said how excited I was to be going, how I was ready to conquer all the challenges that awaited me. Fast forward to now, and this has waned a bit. I still have enthusiasm for going, learning new stuff, hearing great speakers, and getting a chance to meet with some old acquaintances from past conferences, but the challenges of food, exercise, and dealing with so many people feels exhausting to me.

Right now, I'm tired and worn out. I haven't fully recovered yet from the previous trip and am doing this all over again. I keep trying to tell myself that no one is going to give a flying flip about what you're eating or not eating, that I'm going to be so busy, that it's important to keep my energy level up, that this can be a fun experience if I allow it. I don't know why I still get so nervous over this conference. This is my fifth one, so it's not like I am going in as a newbie without experience. Logically, I know I must try or else this can easily turn into autopilot mode for restriction which is NOT what I want. How do I pull myself up by my bootstraps when I'm just feeling so spent already? I know this seems like an utter excuse, that I just need to face the challenge head on, and know in the end (or have faith) that everything will be fine, that the sky won't fall or the earth shatter.

:sigh: I still have so much to do before leaving too which doesn't make me feel any better. Plus, there is some anxiety in that I'm going into the conference with no idea who my roommate(s) will be. This worries me since I tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to these things. I guess all I can do at this point is hope for the best, give myself some plan, and think about the big picture of this experience.

Text messenging as a therapuetic intervention in eating disorders

A raise of hands how many people use text messaging with their therapists? I haven't come across many that have. Do you think it would be helpful?

In this article out of Nursing Times, Amanda Hazelwood, a consultant nurse, uses text messaging as an adjunct therapeutic tool along with therapy for treating eating disorder patients. The idea of text messaging is to help clients express their feelings and emotions without enduring the face-to-face contact, especially for those who may have social anixety issues or feel guilt and shame. Text messaging can also help build trust in the therapeutic relationship as well as allow the therapist and individual to see the mind frame she or he may be exhibiting. There is also the aspect of being able to "save" a message or help in immediate crisis.

Overall, I think this is another tool, showing how our technology is evolving into treatment. I think my only gripe is the possible overdependence issue with some individuals. I'm sure the policies would be outlined beforehand, but the possibility is there.

I've actually always wondered how many therapists implement these types of tools or whether they feel it goes beyond boundaries. Though I'd consider myself more of an e-mail type, many of my therapists have not been. Or rather, they'd let me e-mail but just never respond or they had a disclaimer about how the internet wasn't private and e-mails could be lost. This is of course all valid reasoning. Most times, if I was e-mailing it was about things I thought about after the session or things I didn't say, and sometimes it would be brought up at the next appointment, other times not.

These days, I stick to my face to face appointments as I think my body language says a lot about how I'm really feeling. Therapy is probably the only place where I try to let go and forget about living behind the mask. It's not always easy as my natural reaction is to hide, but C. seems to pick up on this and ask about it. I'm still not sure whether I'd ever go the text route. It feels funny to me. I rarley text anyway, so maybe that is why. But I think for this new generation where texting seems all the rage, text messaging might be helpful as a part of therapy as long as the policies were told beforehand..

Trip photos

While on this trip, I took some interesting photos. One thing I noticed was the fall foliage occurring in W. VA, PA, and NY. I captured a few of these from the car as we were driving by. It's a wonderful reminder that fall is here with its brilliance in color.

This mask was very cool. It's my mom's husband's face. He had it done when he was in Wales recently. I was amazed at how accurate it was--lines and all. My mom added the personal touches of the hat and glasses. I think when he is away, she actually talks to it.

Since I did not have my own doggies with me, I was still able to get some animal TLC. The cavalier is Layla. She is one of four cavaliers my mom and her husband have. Layla is quite cute, however, she is incredibly spoiled and will shriek when people are not paying attention to her. And I mean shriek.

The first gray cat is Gremlin. He is a darling cat. I found him on my bed many times, and when I would go to pet him, he would just purr. It was so sweet and reminded me how much I miss having cats.

The gray and white cat is Penelope, Gremlin's sister. She is very skittish. People ever rarely see her. I happened to catch her in the basement and much to my amazement, she let me pet her. But, it was probably a moment of shock than really thinking I was somehow special or something.

14 inches gone!

Yep, there it is. 14 inches of hair gone, just like that. For readers who have been keeping up with my hair saga, I talked about this way back in umm July with my hair and identity post. It just took me awhile to brave enough courage to actually do it. I think it's been 4-5 years since I've had my hair cut except for a few trims of split ends.

After lopping off all that hair, my stylist added a few layers in the front. My hair now sits a little below my shoulders, so I can still easily pull it back into a ponytail. Actually, the ponytail looks kind of cute since it's now like a teardrop shape.

So, I really like this new 'do. It makes my hair look healthier, not so stringy. This cut is also more proportionate for my height and body. Plus, it won't keep getting caught in things which will be nice and less chance of puppies pulling on it (yes, I had a sheltie puppy awhile ago who absolutely loved to do that to my hair. Me, not so thrilled.)

I had my mom take before and after photos. This is what I found to be strange. I looked at the photos in the camera, and I was shocked that that was me. My face all the sudden looked really thin! I kept looking at the before and after photos to see whether my mind was playing tricks on me. for real though, it looks different. But then, when I looked in the mirror, my face looked fat again. I know I may have body distortion problems, but how can your face do that? Does the mirror just expand it or something?

It's boggling my mind, and I keep asking people if they notice these differences too. My mom said she did. My dad said he did not which I found really bizarre as he always points out any nuance of body/face changes to anyone. He commented last night on how Julianne Hough from "Dancing with the Stars" looked like she had gained weight this year. WTF? Who cares? And I did say "so" of which he called my super sensitive. I also asked my boss today when I went to pick up the dogs at the kennel, and she agreed that my face looked thinner and that I looked taller as well (that's a plus).

I'm just amazed at how one haircut can make such a difference on me. I see it with other people all the time, but when it comes to me, I just figured everything would look the same. In the end, I'm really glad I got it done. Now, I can pretend to be one of those hair models in commercials where they swish their hair.

Hi from Virginia

I just wanted to check in and say hello from Virginia. The drive on Friday went fairly well--no rain which is always a good thing. I wound up not getting there until 8:30 PM, but at least I got there safely. On Saturday, we all headed up to Corning, NY. There was a bit of "ego" about driving and directions, so the drive was longer than expected. I missed the registration for that day but was able to register on Sunday morning before the race which many people also did.

The race itself went really well. I found someone to talk to for the first 8 miles. It was pretty cool, because she was also Korean, adopted, and 28 years old! What a small world! I met all my goals for the race, so I was super proud of that. I missed qualifying for Boston by 4 minutes, but I'm okay with that. The only bad thing was that I wound up with a huge blood blister on my foot!

We headed back to VA after the race, since my mom and her husband needed to be back today. I'm still a bit sleep deprived from not sleeping well at either the hotel nor at my mom's, as well as a little sore. Hopefully, both will be better in the next day or two.

Today, I met with my old high school friend, A. for lunch. We did a lot of catching up about our own lives, high school friends, thoughts about life, etc. It was a good moment, and I'm glad to have gotten the chance to talk with her again. It was interesting, at the end of our visit, we got to talking about body image and such, and I was surprised she asked me whether I had an eating disorder then (in high school). She commented I ate like a "bird" in high school and did at lunch. Instead of denying, hiding, evading the question like I normally do, I found myself to be honest. It was a little "freeing," like I'd been able to carve away a small piece of shame. Now, I don't know how I will feel about it tomorrow, but for today, I felt a little more peace with myself.

Tomorrow, I'm getting my hair cut--probably 8-10 inches. It's nerve-racking since I love my long locks, but it'll be a good change to have my hair different. I'm also meeting with another friend which will be fun. I'll head back Wed. morning and pick up my dogs from the kennel.

The rest of the visit with my parents have been okay, except that my dad has mentioned grad school or some other future school 12 times (yes, I counted) since Friday night. Oh well, for now, I'm trying to instill the 'Least Reinforcing Scenario."

I'll write more in depth when I get back.

Procrastination

I'm really not that big of a procrastinator except for packing! I'm not sure what it is about this specific behavior that makes me wait, then stress, then just berate myself over for not starting sooner. Do I just want to self-inflict pain upon myself? Oh, wait a minute, I already do that.

Anyway, I found this cute cartoon on procrastination on this blog:

I know the packing will get done. It just means I have to be very efficient in the morning and hope that I do not forget anything. This trip is only 6 days, so even if I forget something, it won't be that big of a deal as long as it does not pertain to any actual running apparel.

On a side note, besides looking forward to the race on Sunday, I have a few other things to look forward to. I'm visiting a dog trainer friend on Tues. We're going to meet for coffee after my hair appt. On Mon., I'm meeting an old high school friend whom I have not see in ten years! I'm excited, nervous, and worried too. When I first extended the invitation, it was spontaneous (so unlike me), filled with curiosity and excitement. This hasn't waned, but there's a slight bit of anxiety and trepidation after so many years. I'm promising myself not to back out and whatever happens happens. There's more to this than just meeting this old friend, but that's a post for another day.

Okay, I'm officially going to head to bed and get some zzzzs before my drive. I'll check in sometime during the weekend. At my mom's, there are at least 4 computers, so I'm bound to find one to get my internet fix.

Should energy drinks be regulated?

image: Rockstar

Most of us know the effects of caffeine on our bodies and minds, both physically and mentally, but what about the rest of general population?

In the last few years, energy drinks, like Red Bull and Rockstar have become increasingly popular. Sales on these type of products are estimated in the billions which seems comparable to the diet industry. And they don't look to be stopping any time soon with an annual increase of 55%.

These energy drinks have anywhere from 50mg to over 500mg of caffeine per container. A standard brewed coffee of 6 oz. has 80mg to 150mg and a 12 oz. soft drink 35 mg. Some researchers feel that these drinks need labels of not only the caffeine content but also warnings of the possible effects of caffeine intoxication, something a lot of people have never heard of or even considered.

One study with 469 college age students, an often targeted audience for these energy drink advertisers, showed that 51% consumed an energy drink in the last week and about a third had weekly "jolt and crash" episodes. Another 19% experienced heart palpitations. And even scarier than that, almost a third of the students mixed energy drinks and alcohol in the last month!

Another worry among this population is the relationship between energy drinks and the abuse of non-medical prescription drugs.

As worrisome as that is (and it is), another group, caffeinated moms, are increasing their caffeine consumption, including different forms of energy drinks. One mom said, "I need about four energy drinks, three cups of coffee and a six-pack of soda every day."

I think in general, we are a very caffeinated society. During high school and college, I heavily relied on caffeine to get through my day. Plus, half the time, I used it as a substitute for a real meal which really doesn't do much when you're trying to study for a test. I probably would have gotten into energy drinks, but I tasted one once, and it was awful!

In the past, I've tried to completely cut out coffee and all caffeinated beverages. I probably could have done it, but honestly, I like the taste and smell of coffee a lot. I do, however, drink decaf most days in the mornings. There is one exception, and that is driving. I have no problem chewing Jolt caffeinated gum if I have to.. That'll likely be the case this Friday when I'm driving long distance.