Mourning the loss of a self.

It is not often that I read an article and really relate to it like I did this one: Leaving the sport, gaining an eating disorder.  Though I'm not big on the title "gaining an eating disorder" like it was something that came out of the blue, I did like some of the points the article mentioned.

The big highlight to me was about loss of identity.  Here was this woman who had devoted her life to gymnastics, retired, and then appeared to become fixated on her body.  While it is true as she says, "The same quality that made me great at sports made me want to get really skinny," the real underlying issue was feeling a huge loss--a life she had known, now going into the unknown, feeling lost, and developing a different identity for herself.

Coming from similar experiences, it is hard to "find" a new identity.  There are those who go unscathed and immediately jump into something new with ease, but I think for a lot of people it isn't easy.  With eating disorders, this can be seen on both ends of the spectrum.  For some, it is the beginning of an eating disorder, for others, it is a loss of an eating disorder as they enter recovery.  What both have in common is that each necessarily needs time to mourn.  I think people forget this and then blame themselves for not being "over" it (whatever that may be); or, they may feel that pressure from misunderstood people.  Or, they hold onto the ideal, that this is their only identity.

For those of you who need scientific evidence, in this New Yorker piece, "Scientists have found that grief, like fear, is a stress reaction, attended by deep physiological change."

The take home message here is that it is okay to feel sad and upset.  In fact, I think it is important and healthy. This doesn't mean it has to be some huge event, or some tear jerking session (though of course it is okay to cry too-nothing wrong with that), but it's more a feeling of a kind of acceptance.  It's knowing that the loss of one identity allows for us to grow into a different identity--an identity that we can embrace, learn to like, and be successful at.

The woman in this article was lucky in that her eating disordered behavior only lasted about a year.  For many others, it is a long, drawn out process of years.  I hope those reading are not in the latter.  But if you are, and this is one of the things you've held onto-the identity of an ED, I hope you will be able to eventually let go of it.  A good question to ponder here is: how do you want to be remembered--the eating disordered girl? What identity do you want?

Another age-defying moment in the Olympics

Like Dara Torres in her silver medal finish in the 50m freestyle, there was another age-defying moment in Olympics with Oksana Chusovitina of Germany winning the silver in the vault event finals. Chusovitina is now 33 years old, a virtual old-timer in a sport where the 20s are the norm for retiring. I find it incredibly amazing as well as her story of so much change and helping her son battle against leukemia.

Though I take nothing away from any of the Olympics medal winners--they've all worked hard, but I love hearing these types of stories of beating against the odds. I think it just gives a lot of inspiration to people.

Elite coaching and the concept of happiness

Sorry for the slew of gymnastics articles, I've just found a lot of different points that can be made pertaining to everything from body image to eating disorders to doping to coaching. And this last point is one I want to touch on, especially as the women's gymnastics team final airs tonight.

There have been a lot of articles about Shawn Johnson, a favorite, to win the all around title at these Games. Reading various articles, what I've found most interesting is her "unconventional" if you want to call it that coaching and her balance of life. Unlike many gymnasts, Johnson only practices 26 hours/week. She attends public school, went to her prom, hangs out with her friends, basically just living a "normal" teenage life. It's really quite refreshing to read something like this, especially in this sport that does have it's darker side. You can read the most recent account with Jennifer Sey in Chalked up.

The other aspect I've found a "novel" concept (and I'm being facetious here) is that her gym environment is actually happy. Imagine that in the world of elite gymnastics. Often times, the audience and tv viewers only get a glimpse of the coaches. Most times the coaches are shown happy, giving a lot of praise to their gymnasts. Bela Karolyi who was known as the top elite gymnastics coach in the US since Mary Lou (Comaneci before that, but he was still in Romania at that time), was often shown giving his gymnasts "Bear" hugs. Every Tv viewer probably thought he was gruff maybe but also had such a warm side with those hugs, praise, and jumping up and down joyously when his girls did well. Honestly, I think it was all for show and he was far from it behind closed doors. That's only my speculation from accounts I've read and people I've talked to.

However, with Johnson's coach, Liang Chow, and his wife, I just don't get that impression. Sure, he is smiling on camera and such, but there is just a nice sense of true warmth about him. He's not about calling out names or telling a gymnast how awful she is. For him, it's more about happiness. He says here, "The kids in the gym, they have to be enjoying themselves and so do the coaches. If you're enjoying yourself by creating this loving environment, everybody can do more - everybody can be happier."

The other thing Chow also told Johnson before the Olympic trials was "perform like a champion, don't be afraid to make mistakes." In a sport that's about perfection, that can be hard not to worry about. Johnson said in the article,

"I remember him telling me that, It is almost just a relief. You're just trying to please the person who has taught you eveyrthing; you want to show them that you can be just as perfect as they've trained you to be. You're afraid to make mistakes. You're afraid to let them down -- even though you wouldn't. For him to have told me that, that as long as I went out there and did my best and he knew I had done my best, no matter what happened, he would have been happy -- it made me have a lot more confidence in myself because I knew if I went out there and made mistakes it wouldn't be the end of the world."

I think in any athlete in any sport, it's an important message. Mistakes are really the only way we learn and grow albeit sports or in life in general. The fact that her coach doesn't get upset when she makes a mistake and illuminates a positive attitude, has been so helpful to her success. My belief is that it's all about balance. Working hard is a deifnte part of the recipe for any goal, but so is having the assurance that everything will be okay no matter whether you win or lose.

I'll be rooting for her as well as the rest of the team tonight.

Another way of cheating?

Doping is a big issue in sports worldwide. With the Games in session, it really comes to the limelight. There have already been a string of athletes charged with doping, including US swimmer Jessica Hardy who bowed out of the Olympics after testing positive for clenbuterol, a Spanish cyclist who tested positive for EPO, and seven Russian track and field athletes, some of whom were to compete in the Games, who illicitly substitued their urine for someone else's. There have also been eyebrows raised with several of the Chinese swimmers winning their heats in the 4x100 reloay, coming out of nowhere with exceptionally fast times.

Then, there is gymnastics. Though there was the Romanian gymnast, Andrea Raducan, who was stripped of her gold meal after testing positive for pseudoephedrine, a banned substance, which her coach had given her for a cold at the 2000 Olympics, normally, doping charges aren't in the conventional way in this sport. Instead, it's to do with falsifying ages. This is not new for the sport. In 1997, the age of eligibility to participate in the Olympics was raised to 16. Many felt it was for the safety of the girls. However, since then, some feel like it's only gotten worse, not better.

Currently, there is a huge debate about the Chinese women's gymnastics team with 3 out of the 6 appearing younger than 16 years of age. Supposedly, the team passports have been checked and all is okay. Hmmm. Just like eating disorders, this issue is a bit taboo, and especially in a host nation's country.

One outspoken person has been Bela Karolyi who feels like it is a slap in the face. He says it is obvious these girls are not the ages they say, especially when compared to the US gymnasts. These Chinese gymnasts are at least 3 inches shorter and 30 pounds lighter. That's a whole heck of a lot, though it is hard to say for sure whether it is age or malnourishment, unfortunately. And with China's record (as well as other totalitarian nations--Romania has confessed to falsifying ages of Gina Gogean and Alexandrea Marinescu in 2002), it really can't be put past them. Apparently, Yang Yun, one of the Chinese gymnasts who won in the Sydney Games was only 14 at the time.

So, the question is, is this another form of cheating? And if China has done this, what is the answer to alleviating the problem?

According to Bela and Martha Karolyi, age restrictions should be lifted. That way, as Martha Karolyi says, "it would even the playing field." However, Bela Karolyi points out that there would still be the issue of using young gymnasts as "pawns" to win.

However, in this New York Times article, the Italian women's gymnastics coach apparently has the answer, "create weight classes." In this same article, he also says how it could be suspected that the US gymnasts were doping since they were so much more muscular than his gymnasts.

Great, that's just the answer. We need more of them to think about body image issues as it is or to have coaches doping their girls in order to stay at a certain weight. I don't know the answer to this issue, but I can tell you right now, having weight classes will only cause more harm than good. We already have boxers, wrestlers, and horse jockeys (all sports where there are weight classes) self-harm themselves in order to make their weight classes, I don't think gymnastics needs to be included.

Olympics, gymnastics, and mentality

image: wikipedia

The Summer Olympics is fast approaching. This is a controversial Olympics since the site is Beijing, and China has been in the news a lot this year. Nevertheless, whatever your opinion may be of China, I think there needs to be a lot of respect given to the athletes as a whole in general. I'm hoping political differences will be put aside and the true Olympic spirit will prevail throughout these games. After all, that is the theme of the Olympic Games.

Anyway, this post isn't so much about the site of the Olympics, that was just a preface ;-) Many sports are now having their Olympic Trials to see who will make the list to Beijing. Under the American system, it's all objective on that particular day even if you may be a star athlete in your field of sport. Talk about some major pressure! Other countries allow more leniency, so if a star athlete is injured who is likely to medal at the games, the individual can still be on the ticket to Beijing through selective choosing.

Last weekend was the U.S. Olympic Trials in gymnastics. I didn't know it was going to be on, but I was really glad I was able to watch it. In my former life, I was a competitive gymnast, so gymnastics will always hold a dear special place in my heart. Although I do not follow it as closely anymore ( no more gymnastics magazines, taped televised competitions, all the latest gymnast gear, etc.), I do try to watch it when I can. These days, I'm more interested in the psychological aspects of the gymnasts than the sport itself.

Over the years, gymnastics has evolved greatly. In 1997, the age requirement for gymnasts was changed to 16. I don't know if any of you remember in the 1992 Barcelona Games, there was a North Korean gymnast who looked like she was 12 years old! I can't help but think that did not play a role. It was later discovered that the gymnast's birth certificate had been falsified and changed. In 2005, the code of points was changed, following more of the figure skating scoring system with emphasis on difficulty and execution. So for now, no more of the elusive 10.0 which Nadia Comaneci earned in the 1976 Olympics. Now, it's a 17!

I think one of the biggest changes came after the death of Christy Henrich, a world class US gymnast who died in 1994 of multiple organ failure due to her anorexia and bulimia. She had just missed out on making the 1988 Olympics by less than 0.200 tenths. Prior to those Trials, a US judge remarked on her weight which was the catalyst for her weight loss. After her death, several other well known gymnasts like Nadia Comaneci, Cathy Rigby, and Kathy Johnson came out about their own ordeals with eating disorders. Other changes took effect as well. In the mid-90s, media stopped displaying the gymnasts' weights. In 1996, the Athlete Wellness program was formed, educating coaches, nutritionists, psychologists and athletes about the importance of nutrition, the female athlete triad, etc. in the sport.

And in 1995, we can't forget the now what some call infamous book Little Girls in Pretty Boxes by Joan Ryan, was published. It exposed the dark secrets of the sports of elite gymnastics and figure skating. Some found it eye-opening, while others felt it was one-sided and Ryan held a grudge.

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There is no doubt that in elite gymnastics, there isn't sacrifice, blood, sport, and tears. Really, this can be said of any activity where someone is at the cream of the crop. Gymnastics and other appearance related sports (cheerleading, diving, wrestling, ballet) seem to be more disconcerting since there is usually a higher emphasis on body image which can lead to risk for eating disorders/disordered eating. Many studies have shown this and too many to cite here.

Besides that, there is a huge mental component in any sport. With the Olympics being a a little over a month away, that pressure rises higher. Even at the conclusion of the trials, only the top two gymnasts (Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin) were guaranteed spots to Beijing. The rest of the gymnasts who are invited go to the Karolyi ranch where a team will be finalized July 20th. Yep, it's definitely some major pin and needle time for these gymnasts.

I also couldn't help but notice several things as I watched the trials. One, the commentators just kept mentioning injury and injury of these gymnasts. Some have come back healed and well, while others are still on the mend but competing anyway. Many times they mentioned Alicia Sacramone and how she was in tears 4 years ago just short of making the team. Though it is likely she will make the team this time around, if she didn't she'd probably be known as the gymnast who didn't make the team twice, or as others might say the horrible "F" word, failure.

I also noticed one gymnast in particular, Ivana Hong, who reminded me a lot of me, it was quite uncanny. Gymnasts often times do have serious faces, but there was something with hers that just yielded to the fact that she places an immense pressure on herself to be perfect. Then there seems to be a trend among parents of gymnasts also being their coaches. That can be a tough relationship and definitely needs to be handled with care.

It'll be interesting to see what happens. The thing about pressure and mental toughness is that they are the characteristics which can be both positive and negative for competitive athletes. I remember in the 1992 Olympics when Kim Zmeskal fell off the balance beam. The crowd was shocked. Then the next day, there were headlines that questioned whether she had succumbed to pressure of the Games or if we were pressuring these young gymnasts too much. If something like that happens again to let's say Shawn Johnson or Nastia Liukin who are heavily favored as all-around contenders at the Games, you bet, there are going to be similar headlines. It's a sad fact, but that is what happens. In some sense, it is true, while in others it is not. And sometimes it's hard even for the athlete to recognize the pressure and who she/he may be performing for.

The other thing I often wonder about these athletes or any after they complete the Games is what happens next? Some continue with training and maybe hope for another Games, others retire from the sport, a few try to get a college scholarship and put in four more years, some move on and do something completely different. Then there are those who don't know what else to do, as gymnastics (or insert any sport here) was their life, their identity. It was their passion (okay, maybe I'm being a little more reflective than I planned here), and it becomes difficult to find a new one. I think it's one reason why many gymnasts go into coaching. It's what they know and also probably love too. Still though, since gymnasts' careers in general end earlier than other sports, it really can be a trying time for them. I think the one positive thing of stopping gymnastics for most of these athletes (and you can't say all of them have disordered eating) is that they go off their stringent diets and eat healthier, have more normal food intakes.

I guess in whatever happens, it is my hope that they find balance, remain healthy, and do what is best for their own sake. Sometimes I want to say to some of these athletes that it is okay to be a little selfish and do what you want to do.