tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post570604031991673462..comments2023-10-28T04:45:48.353-04:00Comments on Between Living and Existing: The question of validationTiptoehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17388368645986593755noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post-85888006973740438572009-09-23T01:07:39.724-04:002009-09-23T01:07:39.724-04:00Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts. I know...Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts. I know what you mean about validation issues. Even when I was in my deepest end of ED, I still needed to feel weak, exhausted, and DYING to once again realize that I NEED to recover. ED uses any way possible to prevent us from achieving true happiness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post-69256642666477702472009-09-22T11:57:06.452-04:002009-09-22T11:57:06.452-04:00I can TOTALLY relate. I feel UBER OVER in need of...I can TOTALLY relate. I feel UBER OVER in need of validation. I feel ridiculous at times because of that huge need...<br /><br />good to know others feel the same.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post-49703069544211752612009-09-21T07:33:36.503-04:002009-09-21T07:33:36.503-04:00I posted a nice reply in response to each of you, ...I posted a nice reply in response to each of you, but for some reason my comp would not send.<br /><br />Anyway, it is disheartening that so many of us deal with this topic. As several of you said it is about learning to trust yourself, feeling confident of your decisions, believing in yourself, and internalizing the validation. I'd say the latter is the most difficult for me.Hopefully, one day I'll get to a point where I can feel okay and "enough."<br /><br />Thanks for the wishes about Baxter. I'll post an update soon.Tiptoehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17388368645986593755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post-47587206702029320422009-09-21T07:33:08.711-04:002009-09-21T07:33:08.711-04:00I posted a nice reply in response to each of you, ...I posted a nice reply in response to each of you, but for some reason my comp would not send.<br /><br />Anyway, it is disheartening that so many of us deal with this topic. As several of you said it is about learning to trust yourself, feeling confident of your decisions, believing in yourself, and internalizing the validation. I'd say the latter is the most difficult for me.Hopefully, one day I'll get to a point where I can feel okay and "enough."<br /><br />Thanks for the wishes about Baxter. I'll post an update soon.Tiptoehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17388368645986593755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post-40991306686666015552009-09-20T05:36:10.011-04:002009-09-20T05:36:10.011-04:00Oh my yes! I have ME/CFS which I"ve had since...Oh my yes! I have ME/CFS which I"ve had since I was 11...there is no question in my mind that I am sick when I'm puking constantly, in abnormally high amounts of pain or so tired that I simply am going to collapse if I move...but if I function at all...then I doubt it and think I am just lazy. Similarly with the eating disorder. I've had so many people doubt me, not believe me, ignore me, invalidate me...that I've learnt to question myself too.<br /><br />Oh yes, I have plenty of validation issues. I know that something is not right with my thinking when I HOPE for something to show up on the blood test, not because I want another disease, but because I want something that is PROVABLE and can be seen in objective form!<br /><br />I understand where you're coming from with Baxter, I hope that he DOES have the tremors just once more (only) for the Vet and never again after that.<br /><br />Good luck! xoxoTelstaarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04551330755337480779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post-66571308614973658342009-09-19T19:32:03.940-04:002009-09-19T19:32:03.940-04:00Like others, yes, yes, yes to the validation issue...Like others, yes, yes, yes to the validation issue. I wrote this summer about the knee issue, and how I was almost relieved, as crazy as that sounds, to have a *real* problem with my knee. <br />I think some of the validation maybe comes from lack of self-trust (along the lines of what Kim said). I don't trust myself enough to say, "I know that that X or Y is off/wrong/whatever."<br />I'm glad that you are taking Baxter to a specialist, and I hope that goes well.<br />Take care of yourself too.Kristinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17208374967597840745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post-64170311240076125922009-09-19T11:17:38.583-04:002009-09-19T11:17:38.583-04:00Aww, first of all, I hope Baxter is ok!! Please ke...Aww, first of all, I hope Baxter is ok!! Please keep us posted on his vet appointment. <br /><br />And, yes, validation is something I definitely seek. Always. I remember before I went into treatment, I tried to lose weight because I thought they wouldn't believe that I was sick. I guess this is just a form of denial of the illness. And it's also that paradox of wanting to be seen, but wanting to disappear. Like, "No, I don't have a problem, but look, I really do." It is especially hard with all the weight criteria attached to EDs. I'm well-aware of when my thinking is "anorexic," and it's been at higher weights than I am now, and at lower weights. I think it comes down to trusting ourselves, knowing in our hearts what we need and not caring as much about what others think. That's something I struggle with pretty often.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12524913753671188764noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post-81619154526320024482009-09-19T10:13:29.053-04:002009-09-19T10:13:29.053-04:00Fingers crossed for your and Baxter's Monday&#...Fingers crossed for your and Baxter's Monday's visit! There are some methods for provoking seizures (in human medicine), so maybe your vet could do it (but personally I find it bit brutal and I think you will be able t describe Baxter's problems).<br /><br />I definitely have validation issues. I think in me it is connected with my numbers and definitions obsession. My "logic": Until my temperature is 38°C, I "have no right" to feel sick, so I am not allow to rest. Until my BMI is not under X I don't have right to see a therapist and so on. And because weight seems to be the only "objective" measure of ED, I am still afraid that now, after treatment and weight gain my anxiety will be just inside, subjective and invisible.<br /><br />I keep reminding myself these thoughts are sick. That even if my problem would be subjective, it IS a problem and I deserve help and cure. <br /><br />One more wish of good luck to you and Baxter!olahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06869273750449101713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post-76749830356010557042009-09-19T09:25:31.308-04:002009-09-19T09:25:31.308-04:00I totaly get it. The other day blogged about not l...I totaly get it. The other day blogged about not looking sick enough or something (I was in a bad place). I always thought well I'm fat so I can't have an ED. Now I'm down to I'm still fat so I can have a problem. Of course I also think that no one will take me serious unless I get down to 110, I'm a 5'10" guy. That would just about kill me.<br /><br />The ED talk will never let me believe that I'm sick. If I'm sick I might try and get help. If I get help then it DIES!! I'm doing my best to kill it but I still ask my therapist all the time, "Are you sure I'm sick?" She calmly, most of the time, will tell me yes. With lots of eye rolls.Eating With Othershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07885274679677042833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4699361536242687629.post-49414766393775122582009-09-19T06:38:53.548-04:002009-09-19T06:38:53.548-04:00Validation is a basic human need ... babies look t...Validation is a basic human need ... babies look to their caregivers for validation of their unmet needs, an emotional connection, to understand the world.<br /><br />Maybe family culture for you didn't offer validation in the way you needed (b/c sometimes kids and parents are mismatched, stylewise/emotion-wise) ... and this just continues to pop up for you. <br /><br />Whether it was childhood or an "adult-onset" vulnerability, it's clear that you have an unmet need ... and maybe it's as simple as someone saying in verbal and/or non-verbal ways that you are "OK" or a good person, good pet-owner, "good enough" just as you are. <br /><br />Even if you get that kind of feedback and validation, however, the hard part for people who are perfectionistic or hard on themselves ... is embracing and internalizing the external messages. If you're still kicking yourself on the inside or full of self-doubt or self-esteem demons, all the external validation in the world will fall flat. <br /><br />I don't know what the answer is ... but it seems like a two-fold issue ... getting your needs met/finding validation in the way that resonates with you ... and then internalizing the feedback. <br /><br />I'm keep both you and Baxter in my thoughts and hope the appointment goes well. Take good care and be well!<br /><br />The_TimekeeperUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11037539254326775210noreply@blogger.com